Weathergirl Liv Johnson Welcomes Spring In A Bikini, Maggie Sajak Shows Libs How To Drink & Where Is TruTV?!
Well, it's here, boys and girls. The day. THE day. March Madness. Round 1. Day 1. What's the point of even having this class right now? No shot anyone is here. I don't even want to be here.
Remember back in school when you'd always have that one cool teacher who'd wheel the color TV into the classroom and throw on some March Madness about halfway through class? The best. It was such a great incentive.
He'd tell us to read this, write that. Finish this. Take notes on that. And then, if we did it all without so much as a peep – BAM, we'd get to finish out the class with some obscure team we've never heard of getting their doors blown off by a 1-seed.
This used to be such a great country. We really had it all.
Anyway, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where I try to grab your attention with weathergirl Liv Johnson in a spring bikini, and go from there.
What else? I've got Maggie Sajak showing the Libs how to properly down a beer, everyone and their mother feverishly searching for truTV today, JD Vance pinpointing exactly how many Vodka shots Kamala did in her prime, and the unbelievable (not really) difference between a Lib protest, and a conservative one.
Which one do y'all reckon involves blowing shit up and acting like petulant children? You'll find out soon enough!
OK, grab you a sick note from your local doctor for tomorrow's slate of games, pick you up a sixer of Busch lattes on the way home, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
Who can spot the difference?!
Hate to start the opening Thursday of March Madness on a nasty note, but the lunatics on the left have, once again, left me no choice.
God, they're just the worst. They're so lost. So embarrassing. So childish. Remember when conservatives burned down Anheuser-Busch buildings during the Bud Light fiasco?
Me neither.
How about Target stores? They're still standing after selling tuck bathing suits to kids?
Yep. Sure are!
Last I checked, not one insufferable Ben & Jerry's location has been torched. Same with Disney. We hate ‘em all, but we don’t destroy them. Same can't be said for the nutjobs on the left.
And when they aren't blowing Teslas to shit, they're spewing crap like this:
Who says that? What a scumbag. I wrote about it this morning, and I'll say it again to the three of you who decided to show up to today's class …
Tesla is an American company with – and I'm just spit-balling here – roughly 20,000 American workers? Maybe more. Maybe less. Regardless, rooting for Tesla's downfall is batshit crazy. It's insane.
Hey, Tubby Tim – do you think everyone who works for Tesla voted for Trump? Of course not! You're literally rooting for people to fail … who voted for you!
While the ass-backwards Dems are proving how unAmerican they truly are, the rest of us are just sitting back and trying to partake in the most American event of the year.
Choose your fighter.
Where is truTV!?
Ahhhhh. That's the good stuff, boys and girls. Good way to wind down and get back on track. Hits like crack every single March.
I don't even like basketball, but these four days just do it for me. Maybe it's because we've been starved for actual sporting #content since the Super Bowl? Maybe it's because today is the first day of spring (which means literally nothing here in Florida, but I get it)?
Whatever the reason is, I'm all in on this weekend. The best. As far as theme songs go? Buddy, the March Madness one is UP there.
Fine. Mount Rushmore!
1. Old NFL on CBS one (mid-1990s-early 2000s)
2. March Madness (duh)
3. NBA on NBC (back when it was watchable)
4. Old ESPN College Football theme (the one right before the current garbage they serve us)
Yeah, THAT one. The best.
Whew. What a detour! Speaking of … anyone here know where the hell I can find truTV?!
Liv loves spring, Maggie loves beer & Kamala loves vodka!
Amazing. Like clockwork, baby! Look at the chart. It's perfect. Once a year, the whole country bands together and – all at once – searches "What channel is truTV?"
Every year. Nobody watches that channel for 350 days out of the year. Nobody thinks about it. But every year, come mid-March, we all need it like we need air to breathe, because it's part of CBS's college basketball package.
For those still searching, here you GO. You are WELCOME! (Yes, this is straight from the CBS March Madness page. Whatever. It helps them, so I assume they'll be fine with it).
AT&T Uverse: Channel 164, Channel 1164 (HD)
DISH Network: Channel 242, Channel 9430 (HD)
DIRECTV: Channel 246 (HD)
SlingTV: Click HERE
Spectrum Cable: Click HERE to search by zip code
Comcast/XFinity Cable: Click HERE to search by zip code
Cox Communications: Click HERE to search by zip code
Cablevision/Optimum: Click HERE to search by zip code
Mediacom: Click HERE to search by zip code
Suddenlink Communications: Click HERE to search by zip code
Verizon Fios: Click HERE to search by zip code
WOW! cable: Click HERE to search by zip code
PS: Real ones remember a time about 20 years ago when we'd be stuck with one game on CBS, and had to count on in-game highlights from the studio desk to keep up. Those were truly the days.
OK, rapid-fire time because I need to go cash this Creighton +3 ticket. First up? Happy spring to everyone who celebrates, including elite Fox weathergirl, Liv Johnson!
Happy spring to all who celebrate! Again, it's been spring down here since about Thanksgiving, so I don't really appreciate today the way Liv does. I did live in Boston for four years, though, so believe me, I get it.
Big day. Dust off those shorts, folks!
Then grab a bottle of Titos while you're at it!
Good one, JD! Sorry, scratch that. My bad.
Good one, Mr. President-elect (2028)!
Finally, let's end a poorly-attended class with a Maggie Sajak chugging contest. It's the least I could do for you soldiers who showed up. Not all heroes wear capes.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You burning any Teslas tonight? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.