Washington Woman's House Swarmed By 100 Raccoons "Demanding" Food

We're all familiar with the Alfred Hitchcock classic The Birds, but a woman in Washington lived out what sounds like a Syfy Channel knockoff, The Raccoons.

According to KING, a woman living near Poulsbo, Washington, returned home and was forced to call 911 when a swarm of 100 raccoons prevented her from getting into her house while — in the words of Kitsap County Sheriff spokesperson Kevin McCarty — "demanding food."

I think we need to put ourselves in this woman's Birkenstocks for a moment (that just seems like what she'd be wearing). Imagine you're running some errands and you're tired and just can't wait to get home, put on some comfy clothes, and listen to some NPR (again, just a hunch), only to see dozens of hungry rodents taking over your house.

That would be horrifying.

One raccoon doesn't seem to bad, but 100 of these things? Not fun. (Getty Images)

Of course, as you probably expected, this group of raccoons didn't just decide to take over this one woman's house on a whim. According to reports, she claimed to have been feeding raccoons around the house for 35 years, and in the last month and a half or so, the population exploded. Since then, she has had raccoons hanging around her house like a bunch of goth kids waiting for the local Hot Topic to open.

"Somehow the word got out in raccoon land and they all showed up to her house expecting a meal," McCarty said. 

McCarty said that first responders were stunned by what they saw at the house.

"They were shocked," McCarty said. "They had never seen that many raccoons in one place. Nobody ever remembers being surrounded by a swarm of raccoons. This was a first."

First, but I'm afraid not the last. As we once discussed in The Gripe Report (It was the May 17 edition which is a fan favorite), we talked about how raccoons have smarts and manual dexterity. That's a massive one-two punch in the animal kingdom. 

It seems as though they've started working together, so before this gets completely out of hand, I just want to say that I, for one, welcome our new raccoon overlords. 

I'd like to remind them that as a trusted writer, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.