A Very Special Gripe Report: America Gripes

I think we’re going to do something a little differently this week. Actually, I don't think that; I know it, because I'm typing this after having already done it.

We’re going to honor America and the things that we gripe about by combing through the top 20 things Americans like to gripe about, according to a new survey.

It'll be the most patriotic gripe sash we've ever had by some margin.

Shoutout to OutKick’s own Amber Harding who was nice enough to give me a heads up about this survey, which was put together by the folks at Talker Research and titled "20 things that Americans find annoying about modern life."

If you like to complain as much as I do — and if you’re reading this, I’d feel comfortable betting that you do — then that survey immediately caught your attention.

We’ll get back to our regular scheduled Gripe Report programming next week, so be sure to send me your gripes!

Email: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

So, what is bugging Americans these days? Well, let’s dig in.

No. 20: Text Language/Abbreviations - 8% Of Americans

Totes v annoying rotflol

This recently came up with a Gen Z girl who was upset about the opposite thing, an older guy texting her with actual words.

I get the necessity for brevity (the need for brief), but all I’ll say is this: have you ever read a letter penned by an 18-year-old Civil War soldier? They usually sound like they were written by an ultra-talented writer.

We will not be viewed the same way 150 years from now. I can assure you that.

No. 19: Movies Being Too Dark - 9% Of Americans

I don't really understand what they meant by this.

Do they mean too dark like how the Dark Knight trilogy was a darker version of Batman, or that the movie is literally too dark and they can't see it?

If the latter is the case, you can put up that brightness slider on your TV, my dude.

I get it’s annoying, but that’s an easy one to fix.

It's a free-for-all in America's parking lots. (Getty Images)

No. 18: Parking - 10% Of Americans

Now this one I can get behind. Trader Joe's parking lot alone has probably been the site of several road rage incidents.

I think we've got whatever formula we use to determine how much parking a place needs all wrong. I feel like the busiest restaurants, for instance, have the least parking. Then, on the other hand, you see joints that you never see anyone at, yet they have parking lots big enough to host a cricket match.

No. 17: Tech Billionaires - 12% Of Americans

I just like the idea that you could go up to random Americans who looked grouchy about something and if you asked what was the matter, there's a chance a little over 1 out of 10 might say, "I’m just upset about tech billionaires."

No. 16: Computer Issues - 13% Of Americans

I like to think that the same people who are upset about tech billionaires arrived at that gripe because they were having computer issues.

We’ve all been there, and it's enraging.

I have nothing against Steve Jobs, but I’ll cop to having cursed his name and family upon having trouble connecting to wi-fi.

We need a test to determine if one has the chops for self-checkout. (Getty Images)

No. 15: Self-Checkouts - 13% Of Americans

I think this gripe might be a little misguided. I don’t think the self-checkout kiosks are the issue, it’s the people who don’t know how to use them efficiently and still insist on doing it.

That really slows things down for those of us who went with self-checkout because we need to get in and out of the store quickly or are just introverted and want to skip the chit-chat with the cashier.

"Did you find everything okay?"

"Well, if you must know, I had a hell of a time finding the immodium; thanks for asking."

I’m one of the fastest guns in the West when it comes to self-checkout and I’ve always thought every store should have a lane set up with a mock grocery order that you have to scan within a certain amount of time. Maybe throw some produce in there to really separate the men from the boys.

Then, if you pass, you get one of those little keychain cards which unlocks the self-checkout kiosk.

If you fail that test, you’re free to let the professionals handle the checkout duties for you.

I think this would solve a lot of problems.
 

No. 14: Reality TV - 14% Of Americans

Now, we don’t gripe shame around here, how about just not watching reality TV?

No one is clamping your eyes open like you’re Alex DeLarge. Just go watch something else.
 

No. 13: AI (Artificial Intelligence, Not Allen Iverson; He’s Cool) - 14% Of Americans

Artificial Intelligence freaks me out sometimes, and I get why people are concerned. It could be the thing that causes lots of people to lose jobs.

I find solace in the fact that every AI image I've ever seen can't seem to get hands right. There are a lot of pictures of hands, and it still adds fingers, takes fingers away, and all kinds of other nonsense.

Until it gets hands mastered, I don't think there's that much to worry about.

But once it figures out hands, we're f--ked.
 

No. 12: Products Locked Behind Plastic On The Shelves - 14% Of Americans

It might be where I live, but I don't feel like I ever see this, but I know it's out there and it sounds infuriating.

No one wants to find an associate to help them get a pack of razors like a child asking for something off the top shelf.

But hey, you can thank your fellow man for that one.
 

No. 11: Ticket Prices To Concerts/Events - 14% Of Americans

It's crazy how out of hand this has all gotten. 

I bought minor league hockey tickets a few months ago and the fees I paid were like I bought an additional third ticket and then just dropped it in a paper shredder.

Maybe they charge those fees so when you spend $30 on a beer, a soda, and a box of popcorn like I did, it doesn't seem as much like the highway robbery that it is.
 

No. 10: TV Volume Being Too Loud - 14% Of Americans

Can most Americans not find their remotes? Because much like movies being too dark, this is easily fixable.

The bigger problem is volume being inconsistent. I hate that if I want to watch something on cable I can do so at a normal volume, but if I switch over to Amazon Prime I have to practically dime out the volume so I can hear it above my dog's breathing.

I can even think of a worse example: the last two seasons of King of the Hill are inexplicably quieter than the rest on Hulu. So, you have to crank the volume, but then when an ad for Charmin comes, it's so loud, it practically turns your TV into a piece of sonic weaponry.

C'mon, tech billionaires. Why haven't you solved this one?
 

No. 9: Music You Don’t Like - 15% Of Americans

Sort of like with reality shows, unless you're being tortured by Corey Feldman music on full blast, just open Spotify and pick something else.

Sure, most new music sucks, but we can still listen to pretty much any song ever recorded whenever we want, so why complain?

I know it's fun to complain, but that energy is better directed elsewhere.
 

"It's just gonna ask you a couple of questions?" (Getty Images)

No. 8: Tipping Culture - 16% Of Americans

I like throwing down a nice tip, but I don't like having to do it every time anyone does anything for me.

It seems that, as a society, we're all getting fed up with the current state of tipping for anything and everything, so hopefully, we're on our way out of the "Tip For Everything" era.

But until then, this deserves to be high on the list.
 

No. 7: Social Media Trends - 17% Of Americans

If you're over the age of 16, you shouldn't be caught up in any social media trends. 

Next.
 

No. 6: Customer Service 19% Of Americans

There's a "chicken or the egg" with this complaint and the one about tipping.

Is the customer service worse because people aren't tipping more, or are we less inclined to tip because customer service is lousy?

Makes you think…

No. 5: Weather - 21% Of Americans

I feel like weather is a waste to complain about because there's nothing you or anyone can do about it, and depending on where you live and the time of year it is, there are only a handful of realistic scenarios.

But if rainy days get you fired up, gripe away my friend.
 

I can smell this photo. (Getty Images)

No. 4: Crowds - 23% Of Americans

Ugh. This made me shudder just thinking about it.

It doesn't matter if it's a game, a concert, a theme park, or Walmart if it's overly crowded, my experience diminishes by at least 20 percent instantly.

It's uncomfortable, it's a hassle, and more often than not it reeks.

The absolute worst.
 

No. 3: Someone Else’s Driving/Driving Habits - 29% Of Americans

We did an entire Gripe Report about traffic complaints. 

I think we could all go on about this for hours.

No. 2: Politicians - 41% Of Americans

The most shocking part about this is that the percentage of Americans who complain about politicians isn't closer to 100%. There's always a politician to complain about, regardless of your views.

You can even complain about local politicians. I feel like people forget that sometimes.

I was just griping about the local comptroller the other day, although that gripe had more to do with the fact that I'm nearly 30 years old and still have no idea what a comptroller does.

They're like the DJ Khaled of local government.

No. 1: Grocery Prices - 47% Of Americans

I mean, what can you say about this one?

I complained about this yesterday, and today, and I have it penciled in for tomorrow too.

It's complete insanity out there in the aisles of America's supermarkets.

…

Whew… say it with me: USA! USA! USA!

If you want to dig through that survey on your own, you can find it right here, but I think we covered it all.

Good times were had by all, but don't let that keep you from griping. Be sure to send me your complaints!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com