USA Today Posts Absurd Halloween Story On Dogs Being Afraid Of 12-Foot Skeletons

As someone who has worked on the Internet for 17 years, I never thought this industry would finally come to the end of the road with content ideas, but it appears we've crossed the finish line. 

In a riveting post from USA Today's Claire Thornton, who advised dog owners this week that they might not want to allow their dogs to jump into leaf piles, we learn that dogs can't understand why 12-foot skeletons are taking over neighborhoods for Halloween. 

In her latest piece, Claire also broke the news to America that "your dog doesn't even know what Halloween is." 

Those are Claire's words. 

(Does your dog know what Halloween is? I want to hear about it: joe.kinsey@outkick.com)

"You dog doesn't even know what Halloween is," USA Today reports. Getty Images

Claire then went out and found a bunch of dog experts to give her quotes about dogs being freaked out by Halloween decorations. She even contacted Home Depot's PR department to get a quote on the 12-foot skeletons and how they must be scary to dogs. 

"Our Halloween collection is designed to bring fright and delight to our customers’ yards during the fall season and we hope that pets can enjoy these products just as much as Halloween enthusiasts," a Home Depot spokesman told Claire. 

Are you surprised by this breaking news that dogs don't know what Halloween is?

I'm not. 

Are you surprised some dogs are afraid of a 12-foot skeleton when they're also afraid of the 3-foot vacuum?

I'm not. 

Are you surprised USA Today paid a writer to spend a couple of hours writing about how dogs don't know what Halloween is?

I'm not. 

A legit post from USA Today would be: "What happens when a German Shepherd comes face to face with a plastic Halloween skeleton dog from Home Depot? WATCH THIS S*&T!"

Does the Shepherd rip the decoration to shreds while trying to compute the meaning of Halloween in its head? Claire missed the boat on this one. Now that's real content. 

Claire also missed an opportunity to do a video of a dog coming face-to-face with a triple 12-foot skeleton tower. 

Imagine a dog seeing this for the first time after dropping a dump on a walk around the neighborhood. 

Claire really missed an opportunity to go full woke with her dog reporting by seeing what happens when a bulldog stumbles upon a Trump-Vance skeleton

Fight or flight? Claire, instead of interviewing the experts, just take a dog for a walk and see what happens.