‘Urine’ Trouble If You Pee In The Pool, According To CDC

Show me someone who doesn’t pee in the pool, and I’ll show you a liar. It’s no different than cranking Shania Twain’s “Still the One” when you’re alone in the car, eating McDonald’s filet-o-fish, or flexing in front of the mirror: we all do it, we just don’t admit to it. Now, just in time to ruin the last month and a half of summer, an attempt is being made to shame those who whizz in the water. The CDC is requesting that swimmers and floaters alike refrain from combining pool time and tinkle time.

Per Yahoo, Dr. Mark Conroy echoed the CDC's take on pool peeing: “Urinating in a pool is simply a bad habit. While urine itself is generally considered sterile, the chlorine in the pool is there to protect us from other bacteria. Ultimately it’s best to simply get out of the pool, head to a restroom, and then return to avoid making swimming uncomfortable for themselves and other swimmers.”

Nerd alert. Am I right?

Listen, I’ve never been a woman (though, I could probably decide to identify as one in the next hour), so I can’t speak on their pool peeing beliefs. But as a man, I know there are few feelings as gratifying as a hands-free leak into a large body of water.

Another medical professional, Doctor Kathryn Boling, downplayed the seriousness of a little man-made stream circulating through your backyard oasis, via Yahoo: “Little kids are going to pee in the pool—guarantee it. You shouldn’t freak out that it will cause major problems, but you also shouldn’t be peeing in the pool, too.”

Wait just a minute. So now it's OK for kids to whizz, but not adults? Have we canceled adult pool peeing? Shouldn't someone, somewhere be offended? Where's the outrage and the protest? When you gotta go, you gotta go. Those with weak bladders should demand reparations for the way they're being treated!

So go ahead and take that pee. Your secret's safe here, away from the CDC.