Unhinged Cock Goes Nuts During Fight, Murders Owner With Three-Inch Knife Kill Shot To The Groin

There are ways to go out, like dying in your sleep, getting hit by a train, cancer, heart attack, extreme orgasm, your parachute not opening during a skydiving adventure, old age and bleeding out when your fighting cock goes off the rails and gets his revenge on you during a fight.

Let's go to Lothunur, Telangana, a tiny Indian village of 1,574 residents, where Thangulla Satish lost his life, according to media reports, when his cock turned on him and ran a three-inch knife into his groin. The kill shot caused the 45-year-old cock owner to bleed out before he could be rushed to a hospital to be sewn up.

The local fuzz, who are investigating the case, reports Satish was shivved by the cock as he was preparing it for battle. Yahoo! reports the cock was hauled into a police station before it was relocated to a poultry farm. “We may need to produce it before the court,” an officer told reporters.

Satish's cock at the police station:

Observations:

• Maybe I'm old school, or I'm just not up on cockfighting terminology, but I just go ahead and call them cocks. Satish's death has been reported around the world, and these media outlets keep saying it was a rooster that killed him. Nonsense! It was a gamecock! Cocks fight, you nerds. Roosters walk around farm houses, driving the neighbors crazy.

• Death via cock isn't new. In 2020, another Indian man was murdered by his fighting cock when it went nuts on the way to a big fight. A Filipino police chief was killed in October when he tried to break up a cockfight only to get shivved in a key artery.

• A great song by my all-time favorite band, Guided by Voices, goes like this:

Woke up one morning saw a rooster
Struttin' by my house
6 pack rings round his neck
"Cock o' the block"
Don't stop now
Don't stop now

• Bob Pollard is an absolute lyrical genius if you're into that kind of thing.

• Anyway RIP, Satish. Some days you own the cock, some days the cock owns you. That's how it goes. Next man up.