UK College Teaching Students How To Talk On The Phone, Which Is At Least More Useful Than Gender Studies

I'll admit it. I'm not a big talking-on-the-phone guy. Usually, whatever needs to be discussed can be done with a few click-clacks of the ol' keyboard.

However, if I have to hop on the phone, I can because I'm what you call a "functional adult."

Well, we can't all be as lucky or as handsome and funny as me, and that's why one college in the United Kingdom is offering a course to help students get over their phone fears.

According to the BBC, Nottingham College is offering training sessions designed to help pupils gain some confidence when yapping into Old Man Alexander Graham Bell's telephone machine.

Some of these students may even have a phobia of talking on the phone, which even has a name: telephobia (which would also be an awesome name for a New Wave record).

I searched "scary phone" and this came up. (Getty Images)

"The only people I'll call are my mum or my dad," a 17-year-old student named Evie said. "But anyone else, I don't want them to call me because it feels quite formal, and that's not something I'm used to.

"It's unknown to our generation, we've grown up texting each other."

I get that to a point, but just because you're used to something, doesn't make the alternative this horrific task. 

If I were teaching this class I'd be like, "You guys know how when you text you type words? Yeah, will just say those words with your mouth into the phone. Class dismissed."

If they're going to teach kids how to talk on the phone, they need to at least tackle important things, like how to end a phone call on the first goodbye. I hate when someone puts me in a verbal holding pattern.

"Yup… uh-huh… alright, talk to you later… bye… mhm…have a good one… alright… yup… okay… thanks… okay… bye… alright… *CLICK*"

Just hang up!

But it's not just talking on the phone, one 18-year-old student told the BBC that he keeps his phone on silent because the sound of it ringing "makes [him] nervous."

I'm not sure how you help someone who has this big of a problem with phones. 

The only thing I can think of is cramming them in a dog crate with a bunch of phones and you just make them ring incessantly. Then you let the person out, and they'll be all like, "I guess phones aren't that bad… I'm scared of dog crates now, though."