Topless Paige Spiranac Breaks Hearts, World's Sexiest Volleyballer Takes A Dip & Bud Light CEO Hits The Road

PublishedJune 17, 2023 8:45 AM EDT|UpdatedJune 17, 2023 8:45 AM EDT

Everyone give yourselves a nice round of applause -- you've made it through another week. Your reward? How does three straight days of primetime major championship golf sound? How about Rickie Fowler possibly lifting the US Open trophy? What about Paige Spiranac possibly lifting her shirt?

All related, all true and all a possibility! Sort of.

Yeah, obviously we'll get to it.

Welcome to a Friday edition of Nightcaps -- otherwise known as the one where I just throw things at the wall and hope they stick because I've been mentally checked out since around noon.

Oh yeah, it's also my anniversary today! Talk about being checked out. I've got a few hours left before taking my wife to a dinner I said I had all planned out days ago when in reality I've got nothing on the docket. Zero. Zilch.

My plan? Head downtown and walk around until I see somewhere that looks empty enough to get a seat but not empty enough that it's clearly awful, and act like we had reservations.

Sounds daunting, I know, but I've pulled off worse. As Michael Gary Scott once said, I do my best work when people don’t believe in me.

I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team.

OK, enough stalling. Let's get to Paige Spiranac, Rickie Fowler, Bud Light and Kayla Simmons -- the world's sexiest volleyballer -- before I need to start getting ready.

Class is in session. Act right, because I've got things to do.

Paige Spiranac is on the Rickie Fowler train

Not gonna make you wait for Paige Spiranac today. Like I said, I'm on a time crunch so we're gonna jump in head first -- just like volleyballer Kayla!

The internet was absolutely BUZZING after Rickie's opening round 62 Thursday, and not just because of his wife, Allison Stokke. Nope.

Apparently, some folks got the impression that Pageviews would bare it all if Rickie pulled off the impossible and won the US Open. Why? Well, just like everyone in 2023, Paige was hacked.

Sad.

Brutal turn of events for the dreamers out there, but that's life in 2023. We live in an era where the Twitter blue checkmark is dead and AI is very much alive. Mix those two together and you get fake Paige Spiranac boob reveals.

Sorry, folks. Not happening. Not now, not Sunday when Rickie wins, and not ever. Paige has always said that she won't cross that line, and I respect the hell out of her for it.

I've seen plenty of wannabe influencers try to take out the queens -- AKA Olivia Dunne and Paige Spiranac -- by going the extra mile, and they usually just end up looking desperate.

I won't name names, but you can probably figure it out. Getting to the top is a big hill to climb, you know.

Like Nightcaps, the OG influencers have class.

Bud Light CEO hits the road

Speaking of looking desperate, how about Anheuser-Busch CEO Brendan Whitworth planning to travel the country this summer "to listen to consumers."

Gee, can't imagine how those conversations are gonna go!

Hey, my name is Brendan and I work with Bud Li --

*Door slams shut.

Poor Brendan. It's gonna be a loooooong summer.

By the way, I have the above interaction about once a week with the crazy solar panel people in our town. They've been coming to my door for years now trying to convince me to put those ugly solar panels on my roof to save money, and they absolutely refuse to leave after the initial "no."

Hell, one time they literally tried to sway me by saying California was going completely solar. My response?

That's why I live in Florida.

It's a tough job, and I get it, but come on, buddy. Read the room for me one time.

Anyway, Bud Light Brendan here also released a message to consumers this week telling them, "we hear you." True story.

Nope, you clearly don't. If you did, you would've just apologized months ago and all of this would've been behind you. Until then, sales are going to continue to crater.

Enjoy the big trip, though! Gotta throw this bad boy in the cassette player, right?

Arizona police officer is also Miss Arizona USA

Great scene, great episode and an excellent show. HIMYM was must-see TV back in the day, and then it completely butchered the finale. If you know, you know. I won't spoil it for you.

Also, did you know there's an ALTERNATE ending out there that's conservatively speaking 1000 times better?

RIP Bob Saget, by the way. That one still hurts me to this day. Not sure I'll ever get over Bob and Robin Williams dying so young. Legends.

Anyway, moving on ...

Here's someone I can guarantee you Barney Stinson would've hit on back in the day:

(Candace) Kanavel won the Miss Arizona USA crown last month and will go on to represent her state in the Miss USA competition later this year. She has been competing in pageants for 11 years and vied for Miss Arizona USA six times before winning the title.

The funny story about how I started is I was attending a shop with a cop event as just a volunteer, and I saw a titleholder that was there and I was like, 'Wow, that's amazing. I want to do that,'" she shared. "Now I'm a police officer. So it came full circle, which is really cool.

Unreal. Candace here is a cop, Miss Arizona and appears to be a big fan of Fox (great company!). What a combo. Tough to top that.