Tony Romo's Decline Comes Full Circle With Awful Gaffe, Paige Spiranac Unmasked & Sam's Club Destroys Costco!

It's a new week, boys and girls. A new Monday. The final one of January, I might add. The longest month of the year – really think about it, and you'll agree with me – is just about over. 

Winter is here. Football is pretty much over. We just spent five months playing 300 games, losing thousands of American dollars, sitting through rigged call after rigged call, just to get … Eagles-Chiefs. 

My God. Eagles-Chiefs! The same game we got two years ago! Two best teams? Maybe. But I'm so tired of that argument. I know it's the cool thing to shit on the Super Bowl matchup today, and I usually like to go against the grain, but I just can't with this one. 

I mean, this HAS to be what hell is like:

I just can't believe we're doing this again. I'm so tired. BUT, I'm also a PATRIOT, and patriots pick their asses up off the ground on a sad Monday and move forward. So, let's MOVE. 

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we predict some plays with Tony Romo and go from there. Yes, I have to #TalkTony today. You really thought I'd let that one go? Come on! I will be fair, though. I promise. 

What else? I've got the best #content from a big weekend of cracking (Colombian) skulls, Paige Spiranac unmasked, Dr. Phil joins ICE (!!!) & Nightcaps is declaring a full-on war with Costco. You're either with Sam's Club, or you are a LIB! 

Sad. But hey, this is how they learn. They won't, but at least we're showing them how they could. 

OK, grab you anything to drink – as long as it's not from the Costco – and settle in for a pick-me-up Monday Class!

The #Wokes are working OT right now!

What a weekend for the resistance. If you thought Trump broke them in 2016, that's KID's play compared to right now. They're all over the map. 

Let's start with insufferable Al Sharpton and his looney-tunes crusade of Him/Hers pledging their allegiance to Costco for the company's refusal to end their nasty DEI initiative. 

I mean, what are we doing here?

It's so true. How pissed is Costco right now? Seriously, think about it … this is the absolute LAST thing they wanted. Nothing will tank sales more than being aligned with outdated, out-of-stock, disgusting Dem policy. And that's what Costco's dealing with today. 

They decided to rebel against Trump by doubling down on their DEI efforts – even though literally every single establishment in this country is getting rid of it as we speak – and, in return, they got AL SHARPTON marching down their aisles to show solidarity. 

Poor Joe Kinsey, too. He's Mr. Costco. He shits on Sam's Club all the time. He prides himself on being on the Costco beat. What does he do now? Feel like he has to address this soon, or his integrity is gonna come into question. And I don't want that to happen. 

I'm #TeamSamsClub. Still have my old Sam's card in my wallet like it's my college ID. I'll NEVER get rid of it. This is why I say old is always, always, always better. 

Costco came in and became the new Sam's Club. It's a complete rip-off of Sam's Club, but because it's the new, hip thing, people gravitated to it. 

Hope y'all are happy! For those who want change, our doors are always open! Welcome to the Club! Act right when you get here. 

What a weekend of content!

Welcome aboard, folks! You're gonna love it here. And you know what? The food is BETTER. There, I said it. 

Sam's Club hot dog? Better. Pizza? Way better. Giant ass fountain drinks that would make RFK faint? BETTER. 

Welcome to the Club. Orientation later this week – right after Project 25 orientation! 

OK, let's get to the best of the rest from a big weekend of #content before it becomes outdated. First up? Trump at the Arby's!

Talkin' Tony Romo, Dr. Phil & Paige unmasked!

What a weekend! Couple obvious standouts:

1. I told you last September (!!!) that the officiating this year was making the game unwatchable. That was four months ago. It did NOT get better. 

2. I guess America sort of has to root for Philly in a few weeks, but I don't think any of us are gonna feel great about it. 

3. Travis Kelce yesterday was the guy in the group assignment who does shit for three weeks and then gets an A. Yes, I lost money on him. Yes, I'm an idiot for gambling on him. 

4. ENOUGH of the pathetic Josh Allen posts. Josh Allen will be fine. The internet is acting like his cat just died a horrible death. He's already planning his Cabo trip with Hailee Steinfeld. I promise, he's good. 

See? He's fine. All of these players who get bounced from the playoffs literally forget about it within 3 hours. They just got four months off to do whatever they want, and they have all the money in the world. 

Josh is spending the morning looking up tee times in Cabo and couples massages with Hailee. He's all set. 

OK, let's crush Romo and get on outta here. Rapid-fire time!

Yeah, I mean, look – it wasn't a great night for Tony. We have to be honest here. I knew it wouldn't be based on the fact that Tony drools over Pat and Josh – as he calls them – but that last Josh Allen dropback where Tony tells Jim that he's gonna have plenty of time, only for the Chiefs to run engage-8 on his ass, was truly impressive. 

It was a sort of full-circle moment for Tony, too. Remember when he was the next best thing years ago because he could tell you exactly what was about to happen with incredible accuracy? 

Well, that fastball ain't exactly blowing hitters away anymore. It's more Jamie Moyer than Nolan Ryan at this point. 

Now, to be fair, Tony DID have a good follow-up drive when he accurately told us that Mahomes would pass it on second and third down – which he did. Credit where it's due. 

One last point here before we leave Tony for good until next September … I think there is something to the fact that Romo does 14 Chiefs games a year. We hate-watch the Chiefs, therefore, we hate-listen to Tony Romo. 

Think Phil Simms and the Patriots back in the day (before Romo!). Or Gary Danielson and Alabama before CBS became irrelevant in college football by moving to the Big Ten. 

Hell, think about Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. People used to hate them, especially Buck. But even since they left FOX – and, in turn, stopped doing 14 Cowboys games a year – people by in large like them now. 

Just something to think about. My God – I just DEFENDED Romo! What the hell just happened?

Let's get back on track … it was NOT a great night for Tony. Not a great year. At least we get Tom Brady in the Super Bowl!

… Right? 

Two more on the way out – and we're gonna be quick here because this class is already way too long for me. 

First up? Dr. Phil!

I mean, what a duo! Dr. Phil and Tom Homan teaming up to catch the bad guys? The Libs must be shaking today. It's the modern day Batman and Robin. Jordan and Pippen. Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling in 2001. Brady and Gronk. 

Get 'em, fellas! 

OK, that's it for today. I'm tired. Winter is here. Strap in. 

Take us home, Paige!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You gonna miss Romo this offseason? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.