Roasting Tom Brady's Netflix 'The Greatest Roast Of All Time' Special

Comedian Kevin Hart is hosting Netflix’s The Greatest Roast of All Time (GROAT): Tom Brady airing live Sunday, May 5th at 8 p.m. ET. The biggest joke about the GROAT is that Brady’s ego is so fragile that he needs the attention of being roasted in the 1st place. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good roast as much as the next guy. But, roasts are for celebrities with skeletons in their closets. What the f*** are they going to roast TB12 about?

"Hey Tom, you’re so dumb for signing team-friendly deals just to win six Super Bowls with the New England Patriots. You could’ve made $550 million playing football. Instead, you only made $450 million. Idiot!!" (Pause for laughter). "Speaking of which, Brady you weren't even the bread-winner in your marriage. Without Gisele Bündchen's supermodel paycheck, those team-friendly contracts would've put you in a tent city. (The crowd goes wild). 

You might be reading this and thinking: "Well, this guy is just jealous of Tom Brady". Guilty. I am 100% jealous of Tom Brady. I'd "Thanos snap" half the population off of Earth just to switch places with him. The only thing cooler than winning seven Super Bowls is breaking up with a smokeshow Hollywood actress (Bridget Moynahan) to marry the Tom Brady of supermodels (Gisele). 

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What pisses me off the most about the GROAT is that I'll be watching. I'm sure Netflix will roll out the "who's who" of Boston comedians and celebrities to clown on Brady. Hart started his stand-up career in Boston. He's part of a comedic class that includes the late great Patrice O'Neal (the greatest FOX News contributor ever), Joe Rogan (the GOAT of podcasting), and Bill Burr (a top-five comic in the world currently). 

Netflix will live stream "The Greatest Roast of All Time: Tom Brady" Sunday, May 5th, hosted by Kevin Hart. (Photo by John Shearer/Getty Images for The Hollywood Reporter)

Obviously, Jeff Ross is Tom's roastmaster. Ross is the greatest roast comedian behind the late Greg Giraldo, who told Gilbert Gottfried "You look like you smell like pee" at David Hasselhoff's roast in 2010. Also, Tom is being a good team player again by breathing life into Ross's dying roast comedian career (just kidding, Ross is the man). 

Furthermore, my favorite part of the GROAT will be re-watching legendary roasts while writing this. Thanks to Brady whoring for attention, I spent three hours in the middle of my workday watching Giraldo call Lisa Lampanelli fat and tearing down much more successful people. 

Since Brady has won the game of life, they can only roast him about making out with his son on the Facebook documentary series Tom Vs. Time and producing that piece of s*** movie, 80 for Brady. Nonetheless, Brady gets the last laugh because that garbage film profited $12.4 million on a $28 million budget. 

Granted, if Tom woke up tomorrow with a $12M salary, he'd slit his wrists while jumping off a building. Brady is, after all, the GOAT.

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