Tiffani Thiessen Cooks An Election Dinner In A Black Apron, CBS' Amanda Balionis Lets Loose & Hot Mic Saban!
Well, here we are, boys and girls. This is it. The penultimate day before the election. We've geared up for this for months.
We've sat through debates, and assassination attempts, and political ads/calls/texts/emails out the ASS. Trump was a garbage man, and a McDonald's worker. Kamala was … well, she's done really the bare minimum the past few months, but she's also got the media on her side and all of Hollywood.
So, it's neck-and-neck. We're all in this together. We've made it this far, and we're not withering away now. Not backing down. Not on my watch. We see this through to the end, and we hold the damn line until there is nothing left to hold.
Any other fancy terms I can throw out there to fire you up? No? We're good. Good! Let's have a WEEEEEK!
Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we squeeze into a black dress/apron (drapron?) with Tiffani Amber Thiessen and cook up a solid Election Night Eve dinner.
What else? I've got Amanda Balionis checking in on an off-day, an insane weekend of football fans beating the hell out of each other – and a DOOOOOZY of a fight in Jacksonville – and I'm so exhausted from this time change I can't even think straight.
Seriously. I used to LOVE falling back. God, it was amazing those four years in college.
But now? I feel like I got hit by a semi over the weekend.
Grab whatever hell drink you'd like, slug it down like your life depends on it, pour another, and then settle in for an Election Eve 'Cap!
I'm all over the map right now
I don't even know where to begin, if I'm being honest. Time change? Election? Tiff Ann? Weirdest choose-your-own-adventure book of all time.
Let's start with the time change. My kids woke up at 6:30 instead of 7:30 yesterday, and were little piss missiles at 6:30 instead of 7:30 last night and it SUCKED. I usually get that one hour in the morning to psych myself up for the day, and when my three-year-old started calling my name at 6:30 I was terrified.
Love her to death, but it gave me chills. And then last night? We had to keep her UP until 8, which was really 9 in her tiny mind, and that was an even bigger battle. Tantrums out the ass. Nightmare.
I did enjoy waking up to the sunlight, though. And I don't despise it getting dark early like others do. That's called football weather. Nothing like the sun going down at halftime of the 4 p.m. games. It's American as hell.
OK, time change? Check! Talked about it, addressed it, we move on …
… to Anna!
Best of the rest from a big weekend of content
Hey! Anna Paulina Luna – our GIRL – is the next Maxim cover girl. I just don't understand how we can lose this election with folks like Anna Paulina, Nancy Mace, Riley, and Danica Patrick on our team? I don't get it.
Frankly, the fact that it's even close is just so depressing for America. Like, come on, folks. I get it. You hate Trump. He's the worst. Blah, blah, blah.
But do you understand how unqualified Kamala Harris is to be leader of the free world? You know who I hate? Mark Hamill. He's an insufferable Lib with an incurable case of Trump Derangement Syndrome. Like, it is BAD BAD:
But do you know what I'm not going to stop watching? Star Wars. He's intolerable, but I'm still going to watch him as Luke Skywalker, because I understand that sometimes we have to do things that we don't like, but that are necessary.
And you know what's hilarious? Mark here is such an idiot that he doesn't realize how dumb this tweet sounds:
In two days the healing begins? The healing from what?! Trump has been OUT OF OFFICE FOR FOUR YEARS NOW, DUMMY! What are you healing from? The Biden-Harris regime?
This is the same exact mantra they used in 2020 – "we turn the page with Joe Biden!" And now, four years after Joe, we … turn the page to his VP? Make it make sense!
Whew. What a tangent. What a rant. Didn't see it coming, but I'm glad I did it. God, this is going to be such a long week.
Let's have one more good laugh before it really begins:
Tiff Ann makes dinner, Amanda hits the town & what a weekend of fights!
Does anyone know what DJ Moore was doing? Insane play. Hilarious, though. Just … walks off, mid-play. Mid Caleb scramble! What a power-move.
PS: Josh Allen broke my heart again yesterday, but I'm numb to it all at this point. I can't believe I had to live through two decades of Brady and now two decades of Allen. Nobody has it worse than Dolphins fans …
… except, maybe, Gators fans!
Rapid-fire time on this first Monday of November:
I've seen a lot of beatdowns in my day … this one here goes straight to the top of the list. What an ass-kicking. And you really don't even see it coming at first! At first glance, it seems relatively normal.
And then, once the camera pans BACK over, all hell has broken loose and this cop is just giving this guy the beating of a lifetime.
Some say he tried to reach for his gun. The video … appears … to show something like that. But we need more context. Joe is on this one like white on rice. He'll have the real scoop in no time. Be patient.
Next? Let's check in with CBS golf/NFL girl, Amanda Balionis! Been a while:
Welcome back to class, Amanda! And Happy Halloween.
PS: I swear, every single time Red Zone goes to a Saints game, Chris Olave is nearly dead on a football field. It's uncanny. I know everyone wants Tua to retire (what a game yesterday by Uno!), but I'm thinking we need to start focusing our efforts on Chris:
Good lord. Scary. In totally unrelated news, the Saints canned their coach this morning. Remember when they started 0-2? What a 180!
OK, that's it for today. I have an election to gear up for. And by that, I mean I have to head to the ABC and grab a couple racks of Lattes and a handle of Kentucky Gentleman.
If you know, you know.
Take us into the week, Tiff!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
How we feeling about tomorrow? Be honest. Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.