The Gripe Report: Hotels, Drive-Thrus, And Eclipse Closures
Like many people, I like to wind down after a hard day of work spent goofing on the events of the day with a nice adult beverage.
Sometimes a beer, sometimes a glass of whiskey, but lately, I’ve been whipping up some gin and tonics.
Part of this ritual involves cutting off a nice slice of lime to garnish the drink and give it some class, a nice little zing that dances across the palette like Michael Jackson in his prime; before all those wacky extracurriculars.
It's delicious, but there’s a problem: I don’t go through limes that fast.
I'm tired of throwing limes with one wedge cut out of it so it looks like a citrus 3D Pac-Man. I’ve tried cutting them up in advance, but that doesn’t solve my problem of not going through them fast enough.
Limes are fairly inexpensive but it’s the principle of the matter that bothers me.
There's a very easy solution to this problem: drink more. I’m fine with this, but everyone from my girlfriend to my physician has advised against it.
"But I’m wasting so many limes!" I’ve tried to tell them. But my frustrations with citrus wasting have fallen on deaf ears.
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So if more boozin’ is out of the question, why not solve this conundrum with an invention? The greatest inventions are born from desperation, and damn, if I’m not desperate to stop throwing away ⅞-complete limes.
Why aren’t there single-serve slices of lemons or limes? That way, if you only need 1 or two you just grab a couple slices and you don’t waste an entire lime.
I don’t know how best to package them, but one way I thought of was to individually wrap them in what would look to untrained eyes an awful lot like condoms.
This would make them very portable, and I kind of like the idea of being able to keep a slice of lemon in my wallet. Y'know, just in case the night takes an unexpected turn and the waiter forgets to bring me lemon for my iced tea.
You’ve always got to be prepared.
It’s a dumb problem, but I just feel guilty that there are kids in third-world countries drinking garnish-less G&Ts.
Sorry, I’m a bit of a bleeding heart on this front… I wouldn’t say it’s heroic, but if you want to, it’s fine with me.
Alright, enough of my yapping, let’s get to some of yours.
Let’s see what’s been eating away at you fine folks…
Hotels: your frustrating home away from home. (Getty Images)
Hotels
Brad in NC delivered an eight-point, scathing dissection of the hotel industry. The entire thing is a masterclass in the art of complaining, but I’m going to cherry-pick a few of my favorite points that he made:
- Confirmation numbers. What good are they? They text them. They email them. They put them in your reservation app. You ask if they want them. They never do. Instead, they merely ask your name, etc again.
I don’t know why they still give out confirmation numbers for hotels because Brad is right, they usually just ask for your name.
However, airlines still make you do the confirmation song and dance, and I wish they’d stop.
I think I’ve lost several years off the end of my life thanks to the intense panic that sets in when you check in for a flight and they ask for your confirmation number. You booked the flight months ago which means the email with the confirmation number is buried in the bowels of your inbox beneath mountains of spam emails and an urgent request for cash from a Nigerian prince.
There’s got to be a better way. I think they just like watching us squirm.
- There are signs EVERYWHERE about no unsupervised kids in the pool or hot tub. Guess what you always see and hear? Unsupervised kids in the pool and hot tub, screaming at top volume as the sound bounces off tile surfaces. Horrible parent(s) are somewhere else – their room, the bar – happy to have escaped their brats for a few minutes.
I can understand parents need a break from their ̶h̶e̶l̶l̶i̶o̶n̶s̶ kids, but there has to be another way that doesn’t involve making the general population involuntary babysitters.
A few months ago my girlfriend and I were in a hotel hot tub (nothing like simmering in a tub of hot water other strangers sit in). We had the hot tub to ourselves until a little kid who couldn’t have been more than 8 years old sat directly across from us and just stared. One of those dead-eyed kid stares.
The kid had lifeless eyes; black eyes, like a doll's eyes…
I kept trying to glance at the sign that said "No one under 16 permitted," but obviously, this kid wasn’t the hint-taking type.
We ended up leaving while that little ̶b̶a̶s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶ angel got the hot tub to himself.
- Speaking of kids, breakfast buffets are another magnet for the hyperactive little darlings at 6 am. They block the food. They block the coffee pots. They block the toasters. They pile enough chow on their trays to choke a python. As usual, mom & dad do less than nothing to control them.
Agreed, I've definitely fallen victim to kids wreaking havoc at the hotel breakfast buffet. I feel like it's also cheating because parents send the kids out to scoop up all the best food, or set picks in front of the toaster so you can't use it.
But I don’t think it’s just kids who are the problem. I’m not sure what it is about complimentary powdered eggs and stale bagels that make people lose all sense of decorum, but the Hampton Inn lobby turns into a Wild West Saloon when they bring breakfast out.
There are no rules at the complimentary hotel breakfast buffet. I’ve taken the last blueberry muffin from right under my own mother’s nose. I’m not proud of it, but it’s a war out there and you've got to eat.
Sure you could walk across the street to Cracker Barrel where the food is marginally better, but not when the buffet is free, dammit.
So corral your kids. You don’t want them to get between someone and the make-your-own waffle station.
Drive-thrus are meant to be quick. Some people haven't gotten that memo. (Getty Images)
Broken Car Window At The Drive-Thru People (And Drive-Thrus In General)
While we’re on the topic of food, here’s a complaint from Mr. B about people who insist on using the drive-thru even if their car window is not in working order:
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is it with people driving around with broken driver's side windows who are forced to have to open their doors to order fast food or do a transaction at the drive up ATM??? Today while waiting in line at Popeye's to order my Friday fish sandwich the whole line gets held hostage while some trailer park queen puts in a 10 person order while standing outside her vehicle because the f***ing window won't go down. She has to stick her head back inside her vehicle several times to make sure the rest of the mouth breathers riding with her get their 20 piece chicken dinners with all the fixings and a diet Dr. Pepper.
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This kind of behavior is unacceptable in a modern, civilized society.
There should be a sign in front of every drive-thru that says if your window doesn’t work, go inside.
The name of the game when it comes to drive-thrus is speed and efficiency, and someone having to constantly get in and out of your car does not speed or efficiency make.
I also think there needs to be an order limit when you’re using the drive-thru whether your door works or not. They have 10 items or fewer lines at the grocery store. Why not do the same at the drive-thru to pick up the pace a little bit?
I can’t stand getting stuck behind someone who is ordering for the office. They sit there ordering up enough food to feed a high school football team, meanwhile, the guy who just pulled in for a quick bite to eat between errands (me) gets stuck in drive-thru purgatory.
Speaking of which, is anything worse than being sent to the drive-thru penalty box? I mean aside from the obvious like disease and accidentally cracking your shin on a trailer hitch. I always sit there and replay the game film self-flagellate for ordering the wrong thing.
"If I had just gone with my gut and ordered a double-cheese instead of going for the chicken sandwich I could be out of here… I'm so stupid…" I think.
It takes no more than a couple of minutes to look at a solar eclipse and get disappointed, so why do some schools and businesses feel the need to close? (Getty Images)
Solar Eclipse Closures
I’ve said my piece about solar eclipses: I’m not a fan,
But after I read what Jon In Indy sent OutKick’s own Joe Kinsey, I’m really not a fan.
Just a word of warning: everyone knows looking directly at an eclipse can cause you to go blind, but no one (except me) tells you that even safe eclipse viewing ends in severe disappointment.
As astronomical phenomena are concerned, solar eclipses are as underwhelming as they come. When the most exciting thing that can happen is it momentarily gets dark when it doesn’t normally get dark, that’s lame.
So closing anything in the name of eclipse viewing is insane. You need 30 seconds to wander outside, crane your neck, stare through eclipse glasses, and say, "Yup; that’s the sun with the moon in front of it."
Then back to work.
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That's all for these week. Thanks to all of you have written in over the last few weeks. I've enjoyed going through all of your gripes, but make sure you keep 'em coming.