Taylor Swift Bags Racer, Sports Illustrated 56-Year-Old Rookie, Katherine Webb & AJ McCarron Crush XFL, Wokes Mad Over Bud Light
Happy Monday to Taylor Swift, AJ McCarron, Katherine Webb, everyone at Sports Illustrated and everyone who doesn't work for woke Anheuser-Busch!
Sorry, that was mean. We don't need to start the week on a sour note -- not this high up, at least.
It's the last damn week of April, which is a WILD sentence to type. One week from now will be May 1, which basically means summertime is back in gear, baby (sing it, Kenny!). I'm talking #SundressSzn, beach days, fireworks and bad decisions.
It's a wonderful time of year in this wonderful country, and it's so close I can taste it. And you know what it tastes like? An ice cold, patriotic Yuengling. Not that piss water they brew over at Bud Light.
Sorry -- again, didn't mean to. We'll get to the Karens in a minute.
Elsewhere in today's class, we're going to hit on Taylor Swift possibly dating Fernando Alonso, which would truly set the world ablaze, AJ McCarron breaking an XFL record with Katherine Webb by his side, a dead body on a cruise ship, a plane catching fire and a house collapsing down a hill.
That took a dark turn, huh? Yikes.
Let's lighten the mood a bit with a Swifty rumor that'll knock your socks off and that I need to be true more than I need air to breathe.
Internet thinks Taylor Swift and Fernando Alonso are dating
Over the weekend, the internet declared the world's biggest pop star maybe ever was dating one of the greatest F1 drivers of all time, and I still have a headache from my doubletake.
Optically, this just can't work. Fernando Alonso, 41, is eight years older than Taylor Swift and looks like he's about 50. Sorry, Fernando, but it's just true.
But we don't take rumors lightly around here, so it's time to dig in and figure this out.
Incredible. No shot it's true, but also ... maybe it is?
Google tells me both parties are recently single, and Fernando even responded Monday morning like the legend he is.
And he didn't exactly throw a wet towel on it!
Admittedly, I have zero clue what any of this means. Feeling 33? Nope. No idea. "Karma"? Nope. Is that one of her songs? I assume so but I stopped listening when she ditched country music.
Sorry, it's just true. Taylor Swift was ours and then you all stole her from us and now she just ignores us like we never existed. It's sad, but whatever.
Anyway, a bunch of NASCAR drivers were asked about it before racing at Talladega, and clearly Bubba Wallace knows what's up.
AJ McCarron broke an XFL record so here's Katherine Webb
We'll have to put a pin in the potential power couple and circle back when we get more developments. Stay tuned.
Speaking of power couples, I feel like AJ McCarron and Katherine Webb sort of set the bar years ago at Alabama, and our man is still slinging it today in the XFL.
Apparently, he broke Tommy Maddux's two-decade-old record of single-season passing touchdowns over the weekend with 19, which is hilarious in itself.
First off -- 19? That ain't exactly Peyton Manning's 55 in 2013. Secondly, I LOVE how the XFL keeps tabs on the history books even though it's played like three full seasons in 20 years.
All of that's not to hate on the XFL, though. I LOVED the OG XFL. I was 8 during the inaugural 2001 season and the hype was unreal. He Hate Me was an instant legend, the balls looked awesome and Vince McMahon didn't look like a porn star.
It was fun as hell. I mean, look at this!
What a league, what a time to be alive, what a beautiful disaster. I was a fan, though. Huge fan. In fact, somewhere in the depths of my childhood home, there should be an old VHS recording of the XFL championship game because I couldn't watch it live.
True story. Anyone remember how hard it was to record something with the VCR and a blank tape? Nearly impossible.
Anyway, it was awesome. Katherine Webb would've been a damn star in that league. Brent Musberger wouldn't have survived.
I've angered the wokes over my Bud Light ban
Yep -- Katherine's still got it, and so does AJ! What a game. What a couple. What a league.
Bet they don't drink Bud Light! After this weekend, neither do I.
Well, I really mean Anheuser-Busch, because Bud Light is garbage and always has been.
In case you missed it, yours truly fired off this tasty little column mid-day Saturday and it set the internet on fire. Most liked it, some despised it and called me a softy for being triggered by Bud Light.
Yes, the same people who canceled Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben and screamed like a bunch of lunatics for four years when Donald Trump was in office came after me for saying I prefer Yuengling over Bud Light (Mic Ultra).
And by the way, nowhere in there did I say to cancel Bud Light. Ya'll do whatever you want, I was just stating that I realized last Friday how easy this protest was for a lazy guy like myself.
Here's my favorite comment:
Rick, by the way has three tweets in his lifetime -- the last of which came in 2021.
It's a Bernie Sanders retweet. He's also somehow from Florida.
I'm sure he has a TON of friends down here!
Planes, trains (ships) and automobiles (houses)
Time to shotgun a few patriotic Yuenglings on our way out. Let's start with why I prefer to drive anywhere and everywhere, every chance I get.
Those, by the way, are two different planes within like 12 hours of each other. Yeah, I'm pretty much set on the whole flying thing. I know trains are derailing left and right lately, but I'll take my chances on good 'ol Amtrak.
I've always been a big fan of staying on the ground. Call me crazy.
Now, I would 100% take a cruise. Never been on one, but it's on my bucket list. And hey, today's actually National Bucket List day! True story.
Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and scratch Celebrity Cruises off my list of liners:
Robert Jones, 78, died of a heart attack in August 2022 aboard the Celebrity Equinox as it sailed the Caribbean, and the cruise line contacted his widow, Marilyn Jones, with a choice, according to the suit
She could pick up the body at the ship’s next port stop in Puerto Rico or have it stored in the ship’s morgue until the cruise ship returned to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, six days later.
Jones chose to have her late husband’s body stored in the ship’s morgue, but when the ship arrived, a funeral home employee and sheriff’s deputy found the morgue apparently out of service and the bagged body stored in a walk-in drink cooler on a pallet, the suit claimed.
Amazing. Imagine opening up the walk-in cooler and seeing a fat, engorged dead person staring you right in the face. I'd faint. What trauma.
And how about cruise ships having a morgue on board? Never thought about it, but I guess it makes sense. The Grim Reaper doesn't take a week off just because you're sailing the Caribbean!
Nor does he (she? It? Him/Her?) take time off if you're tucked in for the night in your own bed!
From The Post:
“The conditions were related to earth shifting that resulted in sliding and breaks in the homes’ foundations,” city officials said in a statement Saturday.
“Engineers, building officials and public safety personnel are on site and have determined that two additional homes, one on each side of the previously evacuated homes, need to be evacuated,” the statement said. “The residents of those homes are being notified and are evacuating.”
I don't think I'd need to be told to evacuate after seeing that. I'd be miles down the road before the dust settled.
PS: this comment made me laugh.
Zillow: Newly remodeled fixer upper with an open floor plan, scenic views and split levels.
Can't wait to see the stupid insurance appraiser try to wiggle his way out of that inspection.
56-year-old Nina Cash, Sports Illustrated rookie, takes us home
On our way out the door, I'd be remiss if I didn't give some love to Nina Cash, a 56-year-old retired Associate Dean who is now a finalist for SI's 2023 Swim Search.
From Fox:
"It was January 2nd in Australia, which meant it was January 1st in America… and I hadn’t worn a bikini in forever. So, I wore a bikini, and my husband took some candid shots. And he said, ‘Honey, you should apply.’ And I said, ‘Oh, I think it’s too late. I think in October. So he went online and said, ‘The deadline is January 1st! Let’s do it!’"
She did it, and now she's a damn finalist. I'm all in, but I'll let you all be the judge.
Give 'em hell, Nina!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Think Taylor Swift and Fernando Alonso should go for it? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.