Sydney Sweeney Sheds Layers After Some Sweaty Tennis, Shedeur Sanders Retired & Biden Sees A Black Kid!

Some weeks, I just don't know how I'm going to properly honor Hump Day. It's my favorite day of the week, for obvious reasons, and this class takes it seriously. 

No joke, I've spent hours on some past Hump Days just searching for the perfect student to highlight on this treasured day of the week. 

Today, however, ain't one of those days. Thank you, Sydney Sweeney!

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we work up a SWEAT with Sid the Kid, who has now taken over the tennis influencing community. 

Sorry, ladies. This is Sydney's territory now. She's marked her spot, and y'all best just take your ball and go home. 

We'll get to it. 

What else? I've got deranged Jimmy Kimmel calling all of us nasty Trump voters ‘animals,’ Colorado inexplicably retiring the numbers of both Shedeur Sanders and Travis Hunter (what are we doing here?), and Joe Biden making my late grandfather proud in his big return to the stage. 

God, I missed Joe. He's the best. 

OK, let's get to it. I've gotta head out of town for a wedding, and I'm quite sure nothing is packed, so I'm gonna do what I do best and make this class a quickie today. 

Quality over quantity, boys and girls. Don't you forget it!

Grab you a banana for National Banana Day (sure, why not?) and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

Deranged Jimmy whines to deranged Rolling Stone!

Can't think of a better way to start this class than with Jimmy Kimmel and Rolling Stone – two of the more insufferable things in today's world. 

And you thought you were getting Sydney Sweeney thirst. Not yet! You have to earn it today, and that means sitting through this drivel like true patriots. 

Enjoy!

Just kidding! I'd never do that to you. I'll spare you the click. I did it, so you don't have to. You're welcome! 

Here's a quick glimpse at what you missed out on:

I wonder if that experience gave you insight into the Republican Party during the Trump years in terms of, they are not going to display a moment of courage even when it seems like it is in America’s best interest.

Kimmel: "Well, they’re so scared of him, I think even more so now than they were the first time around, because he’s so vindictive and there’s no length to which he will not go to punish you. I just don’t understand how Americans can support what he’s doing and the stupid stuff that he gets hung up on, like transgender sports and the stuff that affects almost no one. 

I know politicians do this; they pick little things they know are going to push your buttons, and those are the things that they go with, but this is an extreme that we’ve never seen before. There’s no decency. It’s just a bunch of animals, and it’s disgusting.

I mean, on the Fourth of July, I still put up a flag, and I’m never going to stop doing that, because I’m never going to let them have that symbol. It’s not their flag; it is not a MAGA brand."

From one dumb thing to another!

My God. It's a cult. These insufferable Libs like to say MAGA's a cult. But they fail to see how truly unhinged they are. Their heads are so far in the sand, I don't know how they can still breathe. It's amazing. 

And how about Jimbo calling Trump supporters animals? Animals! Remember, Jimmy's party is the party of decency and inclusivity. Don't forget it!

PS: perhaps us sane folks "claim" the American flag because we've actually flown it over the past decade, unlike the lefty rotation of BLM, Pride and Palestine flags in their disgusting front yards? Just a thought. 

Anyway, moving on …

… to something even dumber! Oh, you thought it wasn't possible? Buddy, think AGAIN:

Sid the Kid, Joey B & I'm all in on THIS NBA!

Now, to be fair, the University of Florida doesn't retire jersey numbers. Seems silly, but they don't – at least according to the Google folks. 

That being said, the point still remains – this is nonsense. What are we doing here? Colorado STUNK in the first year of the Deion Sanders administration. Like, awful, awful, awful. Didn't win a game after September. 

Last year was better. Shedeur Sanders was good. Travis Hunter is obviously great. But we're retiring numbers after a two-season resume that includes a 13-12 record and zero conference titles? 

Okeedokee! Shedeur and Colorado, and Joe Burrow and 2019 LSU … one and the same! 

OK, rapid-fire time because my house is in shambles, and I've got places to be. First up? Let's all welcome Joe Biden back to class. 

He's back, baby!!!

Amazing. God, I missed this guy. So much. He's never reminded me so much of my late grandfather. Doesn't know where he is or what he's saying. Constant ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look on his face. 

And now, we've reached the point where you have to watch him like a hawk when he's out in public. 

These old folks grew up in the 50s. Different time, different era. My grandpa, God bless him, used to say things that made even me do a double-take. ME! One of these days, if we ever get the greenlight for a ‘Nightcaps After Dark’ class, I'll tell you some stories. 

I'll most likely be fired afterward, but what a way to go!

Next? Let's do something we literally never do around here and check in on the NBA!

This is my NBA, boys and girls! Start pumping out #content like this again, and I'll be right back in. No idea what was in the bag ("what's in the BOX? What's in the BOX!??") but it was one lucky son-of-a-bitch. 

OK, that's it for today. See? Quickie! Short, but fun! Ain't the first time I've ended a day with that line, either. 

Take us home, Sydney. God bless you. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Are you an animal who believes men shouldn't pummel women on the court? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.