Sydney Sweeney Has A New Pup, Suburban Dads Dominate Roofball & Tuba Trivia With The Buffalo Bills
Happy Earth Day, fellow Earthlings!
I was just getting ready to roll in the grass and hug a tree in celebration of our planet — until I read this disturbing fact:
I'd take anything Katie Pavlich says straight to the bank, but I did Google this one for more information. And sure as sh*t, this weirdo Ira Einhorn — who went by the moniker "The Unicorn" (which is just his German last name translated to English) — disappeared his ex-girlfriend Holly Maddux in 1977. A year and a half later, police found her partially decomposed body in a trunk in Einhorn's closet.
Oh, but it doesn't stop there.
After his arrest, this nutjob skipped bail and fled to Europe, where he married a Swedish woman and lived for 22 YEARS before he was finally extradited to the United States! During his trial, he claimed his ex-girlfriend had been killed by CIA agents who then framed him for the crime because he knew too much about the government's paranormal military research.
If that's the case, I say we fire up that CIA Ouija Board and just ask Holly who killed her. Problem solved!
The Unicorn was obviously found guilty and went to prison until he died in 2020.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that these climate freaks have always been off their rockers. And maybe someone should check Greta Thunberg's closet.
Y'all ready for some Nightcaps? I am. Let's get rolling!
I Take Back What I Said About ‘The Last Of Us’
Last week, I said I was sorely disappointed by the debut of Season 2 of HBO's The Last of Us. I found it to be BO-RING, and they made Ellie's character completely insufferable.
Jimmy N. Writes: I hope you didn't give up on TLOU because episode 2 was BANANAS.
A fun fact about me is I am physically incapable of giving up a TV show once I'm invested in it — even if it's terrible. I can think of several shows where watching each new episode felt like a laborious chore, but still I persisted. If I don't have some sort of closure or resolution to the plot, it will drive me bonkers.
Some examples:
- The Patient on FX
- Those last couple seasons of The Walking Dead after Rick died
- Every Harlan Coben series on Netflix because I apparently never learn
- Adolescence on Netflix
- Invasion on Apple TV+ (I'm still fighting my way through this one.)
So no, I did not give up on The Last of Us. And this week's episode was (as Jimmy N. described it) BANANAS. I won't include any spoilers, but just trust me that it was incredible television. I was, quite literally, yelling from my couch.
You can also read David Hookstead's review, if you're interested.
Sydney Sweeney Gets A New Pup
I love dogs. Nightcaps readers love Sydney Sweeney. So this might be the most fitting story we've featured in my humble column for quite some time.
OutKick's favorite actress is now the proud owner of a brand new, perfect, fluffy German Shepherd puppy. Sydney showed off several snaps of her new dog, Sully, on Instagram on Monday.
"So far in our two weeks together he’s become my set best friend, my bowling partner, my nap buddy, mutual water enthusiast, and travel companion," she wrote.
Sydney now has two pups in her pack. She also has a pitbull named Tank that she adopted 10 years ago when the puppy was just a few weeks old and very sick.
"Because she was so young, I brought her to school. It was during the time where my mom was, like, ‘You’re going to have to learn to take responsibility for your actions,'" Sweeney said. "She became kind of like the class pet and would walk around in different classrooms."
I'm really stuck on having a female dog with the name Tank, but we'll try to move past it.
"My dog, Tank, really is so important in my own self-care process," Sweeney told PEOPLE. "Whether it is just playing with her, taking her to the dog park or taking her on a walk, it just lets me take a moment and unplug from everything else."
So, while the rest of you perverts are eagerly awaiting more Sydney Sweeney bikini photos on Instagram, I am pumped for the first photos and videos of Sully and Tank together. Give me all the dog content!
And y'all know I'm not going to talk about Sydney's German Shepherd without sharing a weekly photo of my own good boy.
(I'm referring to my dog, of course, not my husband. But he is very good, too.)
Anyone Up For A Game Of Roofball?
Forgive me if I'm late to this party, but how many of y'all knew "roofball" was a thing? Is this, like, the best-kept secret of suburban dads?
Apparently, the game involves throwing a football onto a roof and waiting for it to roll down, with points awarded for hitting targets like a pole (a "ping"), going around the pole ("around"), or catching the ball as it comes off the roof. If you accidentally throw the football over the house, it'll cost you five points.
This feels like something the Thursday Night Mowing League should get into.
A little history lesson for you (the second one today!): This sport — we are using the term loosely — was invented in Beaverton, Oregon, in the late '90s with the first official tournament being held in 1999.
You know what else was making its debut around that same time? BASEketball. If you know, you know.
Let's Send Dylan Mulvaney Across The Pond
It might be happening, y'all. We might be finally getting rid of Dylan Mulvaney.
The "girlhood" influencer is flirting with the idea of moving to the UK because people are nice, and they have good candy, apparently.
"I’m trying to move here permanent," he said while in London preparing to star in some sort of musical theater production. "There’s something about being here that makes me feel like, um, people have been so kind, and um, I just, the theater culture’s amazing, and um, Percy Pigs [a gummy candy] are my favorite. So honestly, that makes the move worth it."
I think I speak for all of us when I say... Cheerio, dude!
The timing of this is funny, though, given that the UK Supreme Court just ruled that the legal definition of "woman" refers to biological sex, not gender identity. So if Dylan were to make the move, he'd have to tie his performative pink hairbows and apply his lipstick in the men's restroom where he belongs.
Or he can just join all these loony protesters who are throwing tantrums and peeing in the streets because the government will no longer affirm their delusions.
There's no Bud Light over there, either! I spent three weeks in London once (granted, this was 13 years ago), but the only American beer on tap at the pubs was Budweiser. Good ol' red-and-white-label Bud Heavy. Which probably wouldn't be good for Dylan's girlish figure.
I Officially Love Buffalo Bills Tuba Trivia
But I hate how good the Bills' social media team is. Mostly because, as a Dolphins fan, it pains me to say anything nice about the Bills.
With voluntary workouts starting on Monday, the Bills social team decided to ambush its players with random trivia as they arrived at the facility at 7 a.m.
Get a question wrong? Tuba right in your face!
I liked this so much that I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of other occasions when it should be socially acceptable to blow a tuba in someone's face:
- When someone is taking too long to order at a busy bar.
- When someone drags out the work Zoom meeting with a tangent that is irrelevant to nearly everyone in the group.
- When a random dude tells a woman to smile.
- When people immediately stand up after the plane lands.
- When someone fires up a bluetooth speaker on the beach and there's already music playing.
- When a couple takes up the entire sidewalk walking hand-in-hand at .04 MPH.
I could probably list several dozen more. Maybe I'm just too easily annoyed. Or maybe I should buy a tuba.
Play us out, Stewie!
Stuff I Liked
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.