Sydney Sweeney Wants A Cheeseburger, Jason Kelce Enjoyed Himself, & A Knick Turned Down Michael Jordan
Happy Valentine's Day Nightcappers! Since you've chosen to BE MINE today, I promise to deliver sweet treats in the form of snacking with Sydney Sweeney, drinking with Jason Kelce, celebrating Indiana State and dancing to Usher. But don't dare think our shared love stops there. We'll also romance this thing up with a visit from Borat (very nice!) while running away from Aaron Donald.
Not bad, right? Almost as good as the night of romance my wife and I are set to embark on. Try not to confuse this next description with Cinemax After Dark.
My bride and I are going to split our time shuttling the kids to and from basketball and dance practices. Once the cars stop bumping Usher (still in our Super Bowl hangover stage) and pull back into the garage, we'll toy with the idea of slapping a bag of wine (as Zach Dean would say, "you can't hide money") as we yell "what?" back and forth to each other from different rooms. Before long, the bag of wine thought will go the way of the Montreal Expos, the Cavs game will occupy the TV and the household will all be wearing corrective mouthguards and counting sheep.
Sounds like the script for the fourth installment of Fifty Shades, no?
Sydney Sweeney Probably Wouldn't Mind A Valentine's Day Cheeseburger
Now that you're all hot and bothered, let's plan a V-Day date with Sydney Sweeney. What? You think I'd make you skim through the rest of this column and then drop Sweeney into the mix? Nope. No way. Maybe the tools at other internet sites want to bury the lede. But not me. Especially not on a Valentine's Day that just so happens to fall on Hump Day.
If you're planning to take Sweeney out tonight for a Valentine's meal, you should be aware of two things:
1) She's apparently engaged, so things might get awkward.
2) She's into cheeseburgers, and that's awesome.
Sydney Sweeney is a cheeseburger girl. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)
In a recent profile for Women's Health, Sweeney shared that for lunch she's generally ordering either a Cesar salad with chicken or, you guessed it, a cheeseburger. "Something hearty," Sweeney added.
How so very Valentine-y of her.
But she doesn't stop at cheeseburgers. Sweeney's also going to want some Valentine's Day candy. It's her way of replacing the "buzz" others get from coffee, something the Euphoria star says she's never even tried. "I eat sugar, so it balances out," Sweeney said. "Instead of coffee, I'll have some Swedish Fish or anything gummy if I'm tired."
She's speaking my language. I haven't had a sip of coffee in roughly 20 years and have maybe downed five or six cups of Joe all-time. It worked for at least one of us.
Oh, and if you scroll through her IG image below, you'll see that she's also down for some heart-shaped pizza.
Jason Is The Cooler Kelce Brother, Without A Doubt
Being that Sweeney's spoken for, let's move onto to another celeb whom I assume enjoys a cheeseburger as much as the actress and I do - Jason Kelce. If I'm unable to slap a bag of wine, I wouldn't hesitate to jump at the opportunity to join Kelce for a glass of whatever it is he's consuming. Shirt or not, Kelce seems like a party. And I think we can all agree, he is most definitely the cooler Kelce. While Travis appears to want to be a WWE character who moonlights as a Hall of Fame tight end, Jason seems much less eager to jump in front of a camera. But my God, when a camera does find this man, you can't stop watching. Case in point, his post-Super Bowl celebration that included a mask, overalls, and just enough gyrating.
Little brother would never!
History will show that Travis and his Chiefs teammates won Super Bowl LVIII, but there are plenty of videos circulating that suggest Jason was the Kelce brother who most enjoyed last Sunday evening. As for Monday morning…maybe not so much. Either way, in the unlikely event I'll be tasked with choosing between the two to split a box of wine with, I'm rolling with Jason. And I like to think red-blooded Americans would agree.
Think I'm nuts for picking the elder Kelce brother - or for not drinking coffee - ? Let me know about: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF.
Knicks Star Had No Love For Michael Jordan
Long before Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippen's love fizzled (shocking, I know), a more famous Jordan found himself turned down - by a New York Knick. If you guessed that the more famous Jordan in this instance was Michael Jordan, you'd be right. And that correct answer wins you a lifetime subscription to Nightcaps.
You're welcome.
Last week, current Knicks star Jalen Brunson was a guest on The Tonight Show and told Jimmy Fallon that as a kid, he declined the chance to have MJ autograph his jersey. Brunson's dad, Rick, was playing in the NBA at the time and arranged for Jalen to meet Jordan following a game. The younger Brunson wore a Jordan jersey to the game but didn't want Sharpie accompanying his threads.
"Jordan was like, ‘Hey, you have my jersey. Do you want me to sign it?’ I said, ‘Nah, you’ll mess it up.' The whole locker was going crazy, laughing and stuff," remembered Brunson.
Jordan hasn't commented since Brunson shared the story, but I feel like we all know how he'd react.
I can't imagine being a young kid and turning down an autograph from someone I idolized. Hand up, this would've been like a young me declining to have Mr. Belding - real name, Dennis Haskins - toss his John Hancock on a Saved by the Bell 8x10 glossy.
Indiana State And Robbie Avila Want To Steal Our Hearts
Quick, guess who is in the Men's college basketball Top 25 for the first time in 45 years. OK, you know it's Indiana State. But would you have tabbed the Sycamores as that team if the school wasn't mentioned in the headline above these three sentences? Didn't think so.
That doesn't make it any less impressive that Indiana State is currently ranked for the first time since Larry frickin' Bird was lacing ‘em up in Terre Haute during the ’78-79 campaign. And though the boys in blue don't have the Hick from French Lick torching nets, they have a star of their own in Robbie Avila. The 6'10 sophomore is averaging more than 16 points and seven boards for 23rd-ranked ISU, who are 22-4 on the season.
About the only thing better than Avila's game is his goggles.
Kurt Rambis wished he looked this good.
March can't get here soon enough. In the event my Youngstown State Penguins are rudely denied a spot in the NCAA Tournament, you can bet your ass both my heart and wallet will be riding with Avila and the Sycamores.
Speaking Of The Big Dance, Fire Up Some Usher
I refuse to believe that Usher didn't have anyone and everyone 30 and up tapping their toes and swinging their hips during Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show (guilty as charged). Though most of America was in on the fun, I promise no one - not even Usher himself - did it better than one Instagram user's father.
A woman by the handle, @410_chick (*not to be confused with chicks 400 through 409) shared a video to her IG account of her 71-year-old father gettin' down to the artist who professes to be crusin' the streets at 7:00 in his drop top.
The only difference between Usher and pops is that pops didn't take it Nice & Slow.
See for yourselves:
As an unexpected added bonus, that's the most excited anyone's been to see Ludacris since an MTV TRL crowd.
Scary Moves, Kind Of Like Aaron Donald…
Rams standout rookie Puka Nacua apparently moved nearly as fast - likely faster - than pops up above. He did so after unintentionally interrupting Aaron Donald's lifting session last spring. Nacua, who made the Pro Bowl *flag football game* this season, told former Ram, Chris Long, about his frightening moment during a recent airing of Long's Green Light podcast.
"We had 40 rookies during OTAs and stuff. I see AD over there, he’s got the lifting coach with him, Coach Lovett, he’s just working out by himself. He’s probably been there – we had the conditioning test then we had to come do the rookie test, but he’s been lifting this whole time so it’s like two hours we’re in there, and he’s been in there," Nacua told Long. "He’s got the 180s by the dumbbell rack, doing rows with the 180. I don’t see him, I have my back (turned), I’m doing the massage gun on my shoulder, about to get ready for the workout. And all I hear is, ‘Move.’ And I’m like… I drop the Theragun, jump, and I turn around, and it’s AD. I move, but I guess I don’t move out the way enough because I just turned around and start doing the gun on the other side, and he said, ‘Move' again. All right. I ran out the weight room. I ran out the weight room, I acted like I had to use the bathroom. I was filled with so much fear."
As it turns out, defenses quickly feared Nacua in a similar way. The rookie finished the season with 105 receptions, 1,486 yards and six touchdowns. His reception and yardage totals are NFL rookie records.
But…he's still probably not doing 180 pound dumbbell rows like Donald.
And me.
Borat Keeps It Simple
Another guy who gained fame for people wanting to avoid him, Borat, has a Valentine's Day tradition that keeps his wife happy and his finances in check. Borat, real name, Sacha Baron Cohen, is married to actress Isla Fisher. She was a guest on The Kelly Clarkson Show this week and told the show's host about the gift she receives from her husband every February 14th.
"…Every year Sacha does give me a card that’s like, ‘Happy Valentine’s from’ and then there’s a massive question mark," Fisher told Clarkson. "As if anybody else would send me... as if I have any other Valentines. I’m a mother of three. I mean, I’m always like, ‘Ooooh. So many men.'"
I gotta be honest, I expected more from the guy who gifted us Borat. The first year, yeah, that probably gets a laugh. Maybe even the second. But we're talking about the guy who gave us lines like: "I can hit a gypsy with a rock from 15 meters away if chained…10 if not." And, "In my country, we say to let a woman drive a car is like to let a monkey fly a plane, very dangerous, yes."
Where I do give him credit is his thriftiness. Cohen's not spending his fortune on fancy chocolates, expensive mid-week dinners or flowers that have roughly the same life expectancy as a fish won at the local carnival. Hallmark holiday be damned, Borat and his bride are content with a card and a recycled joke.
What Would Valentine's Day Be Without Gradey Dick?
Finally, let's head north of the border for some holiday time with everybody's favorite Raptor, Gradey Dick. Last week, Dick and the dinosaurs (great band name) were hosting New Orleans, and the Pelicans' TV analyst, Antonio Daniels, just couldn't get enough of the rookie's name.
Daniels laughed his way through his play-by-play partner's call when Dick was on the floor and eventually pushed for the broadcast to use only Gradey's first name.
"Let’s just call him Gradey!" Daniels suggested to his partner, Joel Meyers. "Let’s just call him Gradey for the rest of the game!" This followed Meyers telling viewers, "Dick stays out there."
Can't wait to hear Daniels on the call the next time Dick's Raptors square off with LaMelo Ball's Hornets.
Save Room For Dessert!
Now that we've (virtually) dined with Sydney and (again, sadly, virtually) drank with Kelce, it's time to go our separate ways and maybe give another thought to slapping that bag of wine. We'll do this again next week. Until then, enjoy the leftovers!
*Nightcaps is published at roughly 4pm (usually sooner) Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF or email me, anthony.farris@outkick.com