Stacy Keibler Is Ready For Wrestlemania Weekend, Taylor Mathis Loves Iowa & A Strikeout/HBP Combo
Yes, Instagram embeds are down, it's not your computer/phone or your browser
You're not seeing things. Now, that means you'll have to hang with us until the developers can figure out what's going on. My solution this morning, which meant I had to work last night, was to create a list of IGs who use Twitter. That's not easy.
Very few IGs are super active on Twitter, and even when they are, many of them have embedding disabled, so for the next few days, I want you to promise not to complain – in approximately one hour I'm not answering emails until Thursday – because SeanJo is about to get stuck with this problem while I'm on my way to Augusta.
Do I think this is on our end? I do not. Instagram changes its coding like 10 times a year and then it renders embedding useless. Have the developers been able to fix it in the past. Yes, as you know.
Am I confident when I return on Thursday the embeds will be working again? Yes.
Good luck, SeanJo!
Look at the weather for the Screencaps at Augusta golf outing!
Do you know the last time it was 81 and mostly sunny in NW Ohio and I golfed? It was probably August.
• Duncan in Georgia writes:
If you and the Mrs drink coffee, pick up some mugs - they will remind you of your visit. They change every year so we have quite a few.
Kinsey:
If those mugs had geraniums and petunias, Mrs. Screencaps would cherish them more. As for me, I don't drink coffee so these wouldn't get used around here too much.
• Anonymous shares a story of the time he was invited to play Augusta National:
"Hey Jim, what are you doing Sunday?"
A partner of mine at my new firm was calling me midweek many Aprils ago.
"Well, it’s April in Ohio, so probably spreading mulch" I replied.
"I’m taking clients to play Augusta National next week but have to be there on Sunday. I thought if you and two other guys from the firm would like to meet me there, I’d be glad to host you for a round. You won’t get to stay in the cabins, but you’ll otherwise get the full experience."
I knew my colleague was a member there and I thought this day would come eventually, but I still couldn’t believe it when it actually did.
"You tell me when and where to meet you and I will be there!"
I called my wife to share the good news, and I think she was almost as excited as I was despite not being a golfer herself. She knew how much I loved watching the tournament, having grown up doing that with my grandfather, who was a member at Piqua Country Club for many years. She then asked me when again was I going? I told her that I would likely fly to Atlanta on Saturday night and she said "You’ve got the Daddy Daughter dance that night."
Oh crap. I had completely forgotten. Our oldest was six at the time and this was the first one of these we would be attending. There is no way I could miss it. Being so young, I thought, she’ll get tired early and I can come home, drop her off, and start driving south if I have to.
When I got home, I searched flights and found a 6 AM flight out of Dayton that would have me connecting in Atlanta onto the same flight to Augusta that my three partners would be on. Perfect. I booked it.
I had not touched a club for most of the winter so on Saturday went to my club to hit some range balls and shake some rust off. I ran into a good buddy of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while and he says to me excitedly "Hey, did you hear Rock had a hole in one in Hilton Head yesterday?" "No" I replied, "but I’m playing Augusta National tomorrow." He stared at me in silence for a few moments, then said "F&?@ you" and walked away.
Remember the Seinfeld episode with the marathon runner who oversleeps his alarm? There was no way I was risking that happening. I think I had three different alarm clocks set, as if I was going to be getting any sleep that night anyway.
I wake up Sunday to a perfect spring day and make my way to the Dayton airport without incident. As you know, DAY doesn’t get a ton of traffic so I’m feeling pretty good about my timing when I get there. I walk into the terminal and turn to the Delta counter and see a line to check in that extended almost all the way to the front door. I panic. What the hell was going on in Dayton on a mid-April Sunday at the crack of dawn? After a little while in line, I decide to peel off and go outside and check my clubs at curbside check in. It was only when I got outside that I realized in my panicked state that Dayton does not have curbside check-in. I’m now back at the end of the line.
Somehow the line moved quickly enough that I was able to check my bag and get through security with just a little time to spare. I even got upgraded to first class in row one. Once I got on the plane, I relaxed and started to think about what was in my immediate future. This was a day I had dreamed about for years.
The plane left the gate and started to taxi. We then came to a complete stop and the pilot addressed everyone saying that there was a little bit of air traffic around ATL that needed to clear out before we could depart. Again, I ask, what the hell could be going on around Atlanta early morning on a mid April Sunday to congest air traffic? I considered having the flight attendant slip a note to the pilot to say that somebody on board was playing Augusta National that day in case that might get air traffic control to clear a path for us. We finally start to move and the pilot assures us that he will make up some time in the air.
We land in Atlanta and everything is again going well until we stop again and the pilot comes on and says that our gate isn’t open yet. The idea of having the flight attendant notify the pilot of my final destination reenters my head. Surely the pilot is a golfer and would understand. When we finally do get to the gate and I depart the plane, I realize that I have no choice but to sprint to try to make the connecting flight. As I finally make it to that gate, sucking air and sweating profusely, I watch them close the boarding door. You gotta be kidding me. In between gasps of air, I tell the gate attendant that I’m on that flight, but no luck. I text my partner and tell him that I’m at the gate staring at the plane that he’s on. To my surprise, he responds immediately (so they haven’t even been told to turn phones off yet; this was before airplane mode) and says there’s a bunch of Augusta flights and to catch the next one and meet them there.
He was right, there was another one in about an hour that they were able to get me on. As I sat waiting, I started to think about what holes I would be OK missing if I had to join them mid round. At least Amen Corner is on the "second nine" and I would definitely be there by then.
I get seated on the second flight and the reality of what was in front of me becomes increasingly palpable. There were two people behind me and one next to me that all knew each other, and were talking loud enough that I could overhear. I recall one of them asking if the person they were meeting was on board yet, and the guy next to me responded that he didn’t think so but wasn’t sure what the guy looked like. Right after that, an older gentleman who was impeccably dressed boarded the plane and was headed in our direction. There was definitely something impressive about him. He sits across the aisle from me, and gets introduced to the three people around me. He starts to talk to them about how things are going to play out when they land and it’s clear that they are golfing. At the first pause, I apologize for intervening but ask the gentleman if, by chance, they were headed to Augusta National. He responds in a very nice Southern drawl "Why yes, in fact we are!" I introduce myself and tell him what had happened to me and who the member is that I’m playing with and he says "Oh, he’s a wonderful fellow! Why don’t you join us on our shuttle ride from the Augusta airport over to the club." He extends his hand to shake mine and says "My name is Frank Broyles." The legendary Arkansas coach / athletic director. Wow. He could not have been a nicer, more gracious person.
The rest of the day went without incident. There’s a shuttle the club has that takes people to and from the small airport and Broyles made sure that I was included with their group. When we drove down Magnolia Lane and got to the clubhouse, I was told that my host and the other two guys were playing the Par Three course so I had time to hit a couple balls on the old range and then meet them on the first tee. The course and the experience are every bit as wonderful as you think they will be, if not better. The greens are unreal. I’m a 12 handicap and played about as expected. After bogeying 11 and parring 12, I hit my shot of the day off the tee on 13. As we were crossing Rae’s Creek, our host’s caddy asked me if I was going for the green from where I was. I replied that this was my first time playing there and I would have to assess the situation once I got to my ball. He took a couple steps and then said loud enough for everyone to hear "Man, I’ve only seen three people lay up from where you’re at; two of them were women and one of them was pregnant!" Everyone laughed, and I told him that I guess that made my decision for me. I was able to get on the green in two and two putt for my birdie, meaning that I got through Amen Corner even par.
One of the guys in the group was able to get a picture of my tee shot on 13 right after impact. To this day, it is the background for the lock screen on my phone. Recently, I had to show something on my phone to a colleague and as I was unlocking it, he saw the picture. He said "Hold on a minute. Don’t you have kids? And the lock screen on your phone is you playing golf?" I replied that yes, I do in fact have three kids, but I showed him a closer view of the picture and corrected him that it’s not just me golfing but me golfing at Augusta National. We both smiled and he acknowledged "Yeah, I suppose I would do the same thing."
Speaking of Mrs. Screencaps' LEGAL grow operation, I'm starting to hear from others who have LEGAL grow ops
• Jim M writes:
John F is on the money! The grow will expand and expand. My wife started small and now look! Half of my living room.
Anyway. Let her go and go...it's a great hobby and the salsa and now relish is unbelievable! Have a great time a Augusta...I played a golf tournament next door at Augusta CC when I was 16 and they took us over to ANCC for a tour.
I sat next next to an old man on the way over to Augusta National. We talked and he explained a lot of things that I wish I could remember about Augusta National. I just walked around the clubhouse and 18 and 10 tee area. Beautiful even in early August. I got back on the bus and sat down same seat next to old man and listened to more stories.
Best part of the trip and tournament. Turns out he was Robert Trent Jones Sr. You blogging just made me remember a time in my life that I had forgotten about. Thank you. Keep doing what u do.
• Stonewaller from West Texas is dialed in with the Mrs. Screencaps' grow operation content:
I loved seeing the seedling grow projects. I'm the crazy plant lady in my tiny town and yes, I mowed last night on Thursday. I spent over $200 in Abilene today at Home Depot and Lowe's for lantana, salvia, fertilizer, seeds, pots and weed killer. I need to buy stock in Ortho. I've got to get control of the weeds in my lawn so the bermuda grass can choke them out. Anyway, I had some name ideas for your wife's operation: "My Sweet Petunia Plant Company" or "Grow Big or Go Home" or my favorite, "The ILPMTP Company." Translation: I love plants more than people. Now there's an idea for the next TNML tee shirt. "I love mowing/love my lawn more than I love most people." I'm so glad it's spring. Life is short, buy the plants, enjoy your yard, teach somebody younger how to all of the above. Thanks, Joe, for giving us a good place to talk, laugh and discuss many things. Have fun at Augusta.
The Great Eclipse of 2024
Last night I was out and about buying winning Powerball tickets when I started noticing "No Parking" signs and cones EVERYWHERE in our town. Even on tree-line streets in the middle of the town where it wouldn't be good eclipse watching. The state routes have "No Parking" alerts everywhere.
The state police are even reminding morons to not drive with their eclipse glasses on.
• Brad S. says this is a very big deal. Keep in mind this email was sent to me on Thursday:
I'm a self-proclaimed eclipse nerd. This one will be my 9th. (Two total, one annular and the rest partials.)
I even planned our 2017 summer vacation around that eclipse. My family was skeptical. Thankfully, Dollywood was near the line of totality, so it worked nicely. (After the eclipse, the Awesome Mrs. S. said, "OK. That was cool." Victory!) We didn't run into any shortages of food, major rioting or traffic problems.
What is the eclipse-mageddon all about? Most TV stations hype any thunderstorm as the Xenia tornado and every snowflake as the blizzard of 1978. Now, the sun is dissapearing from the sky! Oh, the humanity! They can't promote human sacrifice, so: You need TP! You need water! Call the National Guard! Please. SMH.
Sadly, people are buying this crap. I had a friend tell me, "All the hotel rooms in Cleveland that weekend are BOOKED!" Yes they are. Have you heard about the NCAA Women's Final Four?
Anyone serious about the ecplise will be heading to a spot that has a far better chance of sunny skies than Northern Ohio's 60% chance of cloudy.
Brad added:
Timing will be tricky. There's supposed to be a cold front heading for the Midwest. Looks like Western PA/NY may be clear. Still too far out to make a definite call.
• Jeff in Texas says:
It's not just your local news going off on the eclipse. Our little town of Kerrville, TX (population 23,000) is expecting over 100,000 people, including a group from NASA since we are in the path of totality. It will be a sh@t show of epic proportions. Schools and banks all closed on Monday along with all non-essential city and county offices.
My ass is staying home.
• Clay W. writes:
Must be something to it all. The red dots are all of the fully booked Air BnB’s in the path of total eclipse. I’ll be with family in Willard, enjoying the dark I guess unless Buckeye state decides to be very cloudy. Have a great time at the Masters.
• Jon in Indy says:
Joe- it’s Y2k all over again! Schools closed, credit union closing at noon and now my damn gym just announced closed for the whole day! I workout at 5:30am! How the hell does 3 minutes of darkness impact morning activities at the community rec center!!
• Thomas V. in NC writres:
Not excited. We had one pass near us a few years back, we got 80% blocked for the pass. It was interesting to see light on the ground like in a kaleidoscope effect while having a couple of beers outside at a local bar, but I wouldn't travel for it.
• Joe from Ohio checks in:
I do not care about the eclipse. I saw a partial eclipse in 1962 when I was an impressionable eleven-year-old so I'm good now that I'm 72. I'm going to spend the day watching MHZ. My girlfriend who lives out of town and is in the totality zone wants me to be with her when it happens. No. I told her that I'll watch the next one when it happens in 2044.
• Al in Lansing says:
We are driving somewhere south of Toledo to experience the eclipse. My wife really loves this stuff. We’re retired. So; why not?
TNML question: ‘Help me decide what size shed I should buy’
• Caleb in PA writes:
Hope all is well with you and the family. I have a question, for which I am respectfully requesting to harness the collective brainpower of the Screencaps/TNML community to answer (it’s not directly lawn-related, but it will impact my lawn).
My wife and I are looking to get a shed for all of our stuff currently piled in the garage (lawnmower, small grill, children’s bikes and toys, etc.). What size shed would you and the readers recommend? Our current garage is a (small) one car garage, so we don’t need anything massive, I hope.
Thanks in advance! Enjoy your trip to Augusta, and God Bless you and the entire readership of AMERICA’S BEST MORNING COLUMN.
Kinsey:
Send the emails to help Caleb. I'll get to them Thursday.
Fresh oysters
• Mike T. in Idaho writes:
Oysters fresh from Willapa Bay, Washington
‘I recently chased off a bear with my weedeater’
• Paul B. in Florida writes:
This story reminded me of something that happened a few months back. I can't believe I didn't email you about it. It was a Friday evening just after I got off work, around 5:30, and I was a day behind on my mowing.
I got the teenage son to mow while I did the weedeating, Team work makes the dream work. As I was standing out by the street weedeating my fence line I hear some kid yelling and a car was stopped down at the end of the road. I had never met the end of the road people before, they just moved in a few months prior at that point, so I didn't know it was them. I didn't pay any attention and kept on whacking them weeds. Next thing I know the dude pulls up to me and says "excuse me sir" and I stopped weedeating and found out it was Joe from down the road. That's his moniker now. Everybody has their own little moniker.
Anywho, he say, "there's a bear" I said "yeah we have a mama bear and a 1-2 year old bear that comes around". We talked for a second longer and it dawned on me that he's saying a bear is walking around right now. Just as I realize that here comes this bear. I told my son to get inside and have mom call non-emergency to let them know. I chased it off with my weedeater. It didn't take much as it was very skittish and I'm not unfamiliar with Florida wildlife being a native Florida Man.
Once I knew it was gone I finished weedeating, finished mowing for my son, and that was that. I was telling that story at my church's hunting banquet. My church has fishing and hunting banquets where you win boat, trailer, motor or a side by side as the grand prize. Guns and fishing rods and all kinds of stuff. Shout out to New Hope Ministries and Pastor Grant!
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That's it for this morning. There's a special eclipse sunflower release going on at a greenhouse that I thought Mrs. Screencaps might want to add to her collection this summer, so we're off and running. From there, it's baseball practice, family coming up from Dayton, beers with neighbors for the Final Four and what's going to be a wild Sunday racing to pack for Augusta. I haven't even started.
If you're playing golf Monday in Augusta, you should have my phone number. Outside of that, I'll see the rest of you on the other side. This Delta plane better land safely in Atlanta.
Have a great weekend.
Email : joekinsey@gmail.com