Stacy Keibler Is All Smiles Because It's The Weekend, 1st MLB Fan Fight Of 2024 & A Beautiful Maxfli Bag
March Madness: How can you not love the way DJ Burns plays?
The DJ Burns Experience is like watching the Harlem Globetrotters with Mark Henry running the point guard position. In fact, I am left wondering if Burns won't be immediately signed to the Globetrotters when this magical NC State run comes to an end.
Watch his footwork from last night's game:
Put a mic on this guy, let him work the crowd, let him mesmerize little kids with his antics. This is what college basketball is all about. Don't give me the 18-footers shooting threes. Give me DJ Burns working the paint, being active, battling while dudes are hanging off his arms to slow him down.
Now go do it to Duke, big dawg.
Meanwhile, congrats to the Vols fans. I honestly had no idea that the Vols had made it to just one other Elite 8 in the history of the program – 2010. That's it. ONE Elite 8. No Final Fours.
But, now comes the test of all tests. Purdue doesn't seem like the typical Purdue team that can get knocked out of the tourney at halftime of a 1 vs. 16 matchup. Edey had a pedestrian 27 & 14 night against Gonzaga and the Boilermakers shot a pedestrian (that's a joke) 57% from the field and 45% from three.
Sheesh.
If there's a silver lining for the Vols, Gonzaga beat Purdue in offensive rebounds.
Duke-NC State and Purdue-Tennessee on Easter Sunday. That shouldn't be too bad.
Readers have bought in and are more than willing to help Canoe Kirk & I focus on our upcoming journey to Augusta National: Should we wear spikeless golf shoes?
Brian in California threw it out this week that we should wear spineless golf shoes to Augusta, but I thought Brian was setting a trap for me to end up on one of those Instagram meme accounts where guys look like golf dorks who are ready to tag in if Tiger's back goes out on No. 6.
• Anonymous Screencaps Reader Who Took A Job At The Masters To See The Masters After His Workday writes:
DO NOT WEAR SPIKELESS GOLF SHOES. Go with comfortable tennis shoes and if it happens to be raining/wet from rain, wear something like these boots from Barbour, #notsponsored. There are a lot of high traffic areas that will be muddy in spite of the steps taken by ANGC maintenance staff and if it’s wet, your tennis shoes will be unrecognizable by the end of the day. I wore these last year so I didn’t have to worry about what I steeped in plus I had to stand on my feet pouring beer all day and I was fine.
• My ticket source texts:
Golf shoes are the way to go. Especially if there is any moisture on the course. That's all I wear when I'm out there. Even the viewing areas around the green get a bit dicey when it's wet.
Kinsey:
Again, I promise my ticket Source IS NOT TIGER WOODS.
• Hans in Arizona says:
Don't bother wearing golf shoes at Augusta. You'll be just fine in a comfortable pair of worn in walking shoes. I went on Sunday in 2019 and was just fine in my Sketchers.
• Bill in Oregon writes:
Both ASICS and New Balance make spikeless golf shoes that are both comfortable and won’t make you look like a dork.
Hope this is helpful and you enjoy the hell out of your Masters experience.
• Mark W. offers perspective:
The single biggest surprise to me was the elevation changes around the course. 10 and 18 are really steep. Spikeless golf shoes will serve you well, especially if there is any moisture on the course. And you won't be the only one wearing them. Make sure they are broken in and comfortable on your feet. You will be surprised at how many steps you take and the elevation changes.
On a side note, be sure to take a piss at one of the permanent restrooms on the course. They all have attendants and they put on a show (at least when I was there).
Be sure and get a pimento cheese sandwich! BTW, the food products are wrapped in green wrapping in case some trash blows out on the course. It won't be visible on TV. The detail in planning that surrounds this tournament are just phenomenal.
• Jim M. writes:
Hey Joe: This has been in my draft email box for a while and probably was going nowhere, but today’s column ( March 29th) demanded I finish the job. It was the two lines from a song talking about "gone to another world."
Before we moved to Toledo (Sylvania) in 1987 to be near work and raise the kids, we were in ATL for three years. Well, as a golfer it dawns on you that it’s a pretty easy trip across Interstate 20 to Augusta National. So for the price of a tank of gas, and of course 10 bucks for the practice round ticket, plus the unexpected expense of a speeding ticket in the speed trap near Madison, Georgia;…well, I was in. Drove right up to the gate, parked the car for free as I recall, bought the ticket and entered through what I remember as a masonry style arch….Joe, it was as if I had entered a time machine and gone magically into another era. All of a sudden I expected to see women in hoop skirts carrying parasols, and other vestiges of a bygone era. There was a special elegance and grandeur of the old South. I was experiencing a different way of living that was more than just golf.
The most memorable scene that has stuck with me all these years is when I turned the corner from near the 12th tee and got my first look down the fairway approaching the 13th green. Awesome is too gentle a word, but the splendor of the white sands and brilliant azaleas has to compete with the best that Ms. Screencaps Philadelphia Flower show has to offer. I doubt I’ll ever forget how that sight struck me.
Don’t worry about trying to find a weed, in fact, don’t worry about anything, just drink in the experience of being in another era.;…the manners, the respect,... it’s just a different place that doesn't change with the times. You might appreciate it more if you did a little research on Bobby Jones, and incredibly talented and wonderful human being, on whose legacy you will be walking.
The next time the Save the Bees crowd starts screaming at you about how you're killing the honeybees and the world is going to collapse, kindly tell them to kiss your ass
Let's go to the lib lib Washington Post where we learned this week, "Wait, Does America suddenly have a record number of bees?"
I've been writing about this subject and what the experts have been saying: there are plenty of honeybees! In fact, I seem to remember writing about this very topic in the fall. Now the Post is jumping on the bandwagon and telling the Save the Bees weirdos that they might want to find another pet cause.
The No Mow May jackoffs will be infiltrating local news coverage over the next 4-6 weeks. I need all of you to stay strong when one of your woke neighbors insists you don't care about the bees. We've been over this time and time again – letting your yard grow out for four weeks is absolutely stupid.
I said it, I stand by it, I've provided expert analysis from Oregon State University and I beg the No Mow terrorists to fight my sources. They're going to lose.
Anyway, once again, I will post the best way to help your bee friends. From the Post story:
"We’ve got really well-meaning people who are keeping honeybees because, ‘Oh, I’ve got to save the bees.’ That’s not the way you save the bees!" Mace Vaughan, a biodiversity expert told the Post. "The way you support both honeybees and beekeepers — and the way you save native pollinators — is to go out there and create beautiful flower-rich habitat on your farm or your garden."
You're not saving the world by letting your grass grow two-feet high. Don't listen to these scumbag eco terrorists.
My advice if you want to be a good citizen: Plant Russian sage.
You plant it right in the sunniest part of your garden and pretty much forget about it. It looks good. It doesn't want your garden hose water. The pollinators do their thing and you get to go double-barrel middle fingers on the Save the Bees dorks and their fellow nerds at No Mow May.
F-them!
TNML Spring Training
• Rob in NC, who has been with the TNML project and Screencaps for years, writes:
Joe...all good in the Piedmont of NC...which means Augusta is even better...fescue is popping early... appreciate u.
Astros fans fight back against the Screencaps readers who haven't forgotten the cheating scandal
• Michael J. in Chiraq writes:
Good to know that the Astros live rent free in the heads of Screencaps readers.
• Tim in Texas City is fed up:
I know Alex R. was fishing for exactly this from Astros fans with his idiotic email, but I'll bite anyway.
"...remember we know what Altuve was hiding under his jersey."
If there's any way I can get his address, I'd like to mail him a big, 64-pack of crayons. I try to help out when I can...
Boston vacation advice for Jeff in Texas
• Adam D. says:
I wasn't going to email since not from Boston, but didn't see this as one of the things Jeff should do. He should go before the game and get a tour of Fenway Park! My wife and I did this and it was amazing. You get to walk all over the park go up to the Green Monster, go in the press box, and the highlight as a TNML guy was watching the grounds crew ready the field with mowing, adding the logos and all of that fun stuff. As a Red Sox fan, getting to watch a game there was awesome, but the tour was the highlight!
Tours of Fenway Park | Boston Red Sox
• Andy writes:
Had to chuckle a bit when I read about Jeff’s trip to Boston. Back when our daughter was a tween, and we lived in Portland OR, we took a trip to RI, Cape Cod and Boston. After a long history trip we ended up at Fanuiel Hall and then looking for a restaurant to have lunch at. We chose one at random and went inside. Our waitress came over and introduced herself. Told her she didn’t have much of the Bostonian accent that I expected. Her reply was "That’s because I am from Portland Oregon!" Go figure.
Boston is a great time especially if you are a history buff. All I can say is to wear good shoes!
I thought for sure Elon had fallen for some #FakeNews. Then I did my own research and this stat is true
Nick Cannon & Musk might have no choice but to go save Italy one impregnated influencer and smart chick at a time.
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Go have an incredible weekend. It's raining here. It's supposed to be cloudy, miserable and disgusting until this afternoon when it's just going to stop raining. This might be the best day to go buy my Masters supplies like Gold Bond and Flonase.
Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green has been yelling at me to get on a Claritan routine - NOW.
Take care and Happy Easter.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com