Sofia Vergara Gets Naked In Some Coffee Beans, Paige Spiranac US Open POV & World's Sexiest Scientist Is Sick
Well, here we are. Finally. We've made it. Give yourself – hell, give all of us – a round of applause for powering through another week filled with Caitlin Clark talk and NBA Finals coverage.
We're halfway through June now. It's US Open weekend. Pinehurst No. 2 is chewing up some of the best golfers on this planet and spitting them out. Hell, inmate #00654436 may not even make the cut. We're in for a big weekend of chaos. Thank God.
As you know, I'm in for a big weekend of driving. The Year of the Road Trip – which I've been preaching to you folks for months now – starts tomorrow. God willin', of course.
Got a call from my mechanic this morning saying he got the part needed to fix up my Palisade, but his tire alignment … tool? machine? … broke this morning, so he can put the part on, but can't properly align the tires when said part is fixed. Awesome.
"But I have to leave tomorrow morning," I whispered, like the defeated puppy I am at this point.
"Welp … my guy is hopefully coming to fix it today, but I can't promise that."
What a punch to the you-know-what. I mean, what a battle this week has been. Fortunately, he eventually said he'd take it down the street to another shop and use their alignment … tool? machine? … if push comes to shove. I'm skeptical, but this country was built on taking chances, so a chance I will take.
Anyway, we pull out (hey now!) tomorrow morning, rain, shine, or on three wheels. At this point, I'm expecting the last one. Frankly, it would be perfectly on par for this week.
On that cheery note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – where we curl up naked with some coffee beans with Sofia Vergara and hope the second-hand caffeine high will power us through the rest of the day.
What else? I'm gonna steal away the ‘World’s Hottest Scientist," Rosie Moore, from Screencaps for just a bit and dive into her sudden illness, and then I figure we'll check in on Paige Spiranac's US Open ‘POV.’
Not that kind, you animals!
Sound good? Gooooood! Grab some Bulleit Bourbon (the red label, not the green one) for National Bourbon Day and settle in for a mixed-bag Friday 'Cap!
Remember when I praised the golf coverage yesterday?
Well, it STINKS today. Awful. The worst. It's like NBC saw what I said in yesterday's class and decided to do literally the complete opposite today.
Yesterday morning, I got up, turned to the USA network, and just … watched golf. That was it. No featured groups. No nonsense. No purchase a free 7-day trial. None of it.
Today? I got up, turned to the USA network, and … watched Charmed. Seriously. It was back on Peacock this morning, which I don't have, because who the hell uses Peacock? What are we doing here? WHY?
Hey, NBC … do you think Charmed is gonna do better ratings than Scottie, Rory and Xander going off at 7:45? Don't think so.
From Drew:
Zach,
Feels like a Ricky Bobby quote, everything they did yesterday that was great they messed up today.
Woke up turn it to USA ready to lock in for a day of golf and, it’s a James Bond movie. Oh, maybe it’s on NBC all day today! No, peacock streaming only.
Disappointing.
Yeah, big time. I'm with you, Drew. Sorry for leading you on. Sorry for getting your hopes up. That's on me. God forbid we get back-to-back days of solid golf coverage that we don't have to search high and low for.
Anyway, thanks to the wokes at NBC, I missed this little beauty from inmate #00654436 early this morning:
Paige Spiranac gives us a US Open POV
What a day for Scottie, huh? Unreal. Dude is actually human. He's gonna miss the cut (I think), which would've been a nice payday for someone earlier in the week if they had the nuts.
Instead, I decided to put my money on Bryson DeChambeau over Viktor Hovland and Max Homa in 3-ball this morning.
Viktor, who STUNK yesterday and will miss the cut, finished at 2-under. Bryson finished 1-under. I hate everything. Football can't get here soon enough.
As for the rest of this current tourney, I'm going with Bryson. Feel like he's been the second-best golfer on the planet this season, and now that the best golfer on the planet is out of the way, it feels like the door is wide open for him.
He's also electric in every single way imaginable:
I said it last month during the PGA and I'll say it again today – nobody in the history of the tour has done a 180 like Bryson. We all used to despise him. Lord knows I did.
He wore those stupid hats and was like 400 pounds of muscle. Now, he's quirky as hell, a YouTube star, dicks around with the crowd all the time, and names his clubs after Jackie Robinson. Icon.
PS: there were also rumblings earlier this year that he may – or may not have – been shacking up with Paige Spiranac. I choose to believe those rumors were true.
Planes, trains, automobiles, scientists & mail!
Another common W from the best in the business. Scottie may miss the cut this weekend, but Paige Spiranac never – and I mean never – misses the cut. Don't know what that means, but you get it. You get it.
Rapid-fire time on this Friday in June! First up? Planes!
Nice! You know the drill:
In the last five months we've had:
- Alaska Boeing Max loses a door mid-flight.
- Atlas Air blows an engine in the sky.
- Guy in Utah gets sucked into a commercial airliner while running on tarmac.
- Another Max plane gets dinged because of pesky loose bolts.
- Wheel nearly comes off commercial flight right before takeoff.
- United CEO is also a drag queen.
- Virgin flight missing bolts.
- Holes mis-drilled in new Max planes.
- A pair of JetBlue planes collide at Logan
- Perfectly-sane Britney Spears pilots a plane
- NYC bound plane makes a U-turn because of a fire in the cockpit
- Helicopter makes a U-turn four seconds after liftoff, winds up stuck between a building a light pole
- United flight bursts into flames mid-flight
- United pilot patches together a window before takeoff
- Rockies hitting coach pilots a United 757
- Singapore flight plummets 7k feet for no reason at all
- Air Canada starts shooting flames after takeoff
- Southwest Boeing Max dutch rolls mid-air
Next? Trains!
Next time you're annoyed because you're stuck behind a bus that annoyingly stops for two minutes at a train track, remember this. I'll be honest, I don't love messing with train tracks. I just always assume something's gonna go wrong, and I'm gonna end up crossing one that's malfunctioned and didn't recognize the oncoming train.
Between that and the irrational fear of flying, I must sound like a blast to hang out with, huh?
Next? Well, not automobiles, actually. That was just for the John Candy reference. Sorry. I do, however, have Rosie Moore intel for you!
Dengue, according to Google, is a viral infection spread by two species of mosquito that manifests in flu-like symptoms, including sudden fever, severe headaches, swollen glands, extreme fatigue and a faint red rash on the upper body.
Not great, but if anyone can overcome this terrible disease, it's our girl Rosie Moore. They – and by they, I mean us – don't call her the ‘World's Hottest Geoscientist' for nothing, you know.
Finally … you know what? We do have the "cars" part of Train, Planes & Autombiles in today's class, thanks to longtime reader Ryan from OK:
Zach,
What the hell is happening? Somebody break out the brawndo because this is straight out of idiocy.
Eighth Circuit to decide: Should car insurance cover STDs?
Sofia Vergara grinds and takes us into a big weekend
From Fox Business (great company!):
A federal appeals court on Wednesday heard arguments over whether car insurance should pay out benefits to a woman who caught a sexually transmitted disease from a policyholder in his insured vehicle.
In GEICO General Insurance Co. v. M.O., a Missouri woman, the titular M.O., claims that her partner, Martin Brauner, negligently infected her with human papillomavirus (HPV) after they had sex in his 2014 Hyundai Genesis.
She claims Brauner was aware he had HPV but neglected to inform her before they had unprotected sex, resulting in "past and future medical expenses" and "mental and physical pain and suffering," court documents state.
In February 2021, M.O. filed a $1 million claim against Brauner and his insurer, Maryland-based GEICO, claiming she should be compensated for bodily injury under the car's insurance policy. GEICO refused to pay the claim, stating the injury did not arise from the ownership maintenance or use of the owned auto or non-owned auto.
A lot to break down there, but my first – and really most important – thought? A Hyundai Genesis?
Look, this is 100% on the girl. I'm sorry. If you're choosing to have sex with a dude who drives that, you have to accept responsibility for anything that happens after. Sorry, but that's on you.
Now I get why missionary was the most googled sex position last year. Makes sense.
And that, boys and girls, is how you take a weeks-worth of classes full circle. Goodness, I'm good.
See you Monday.
Take us home, Sofia.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Would you let it rip in a Hyundai Genesis? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.