Sneaking Hookers Into The Olympics Will Be The Toughest Test Athletes Face

For any great American Olympian reading this while you're en route to today's opening ceremonies, be warned: if you plan on sneaking a prostitute into your living quarters over these next two weeks, proceed with caution. 

According to industry sources in the European sex-worker game, Paris has cracked down this week on prostitutes and hookers trying to sneak into the Olympic Village. How serious are they? 

Police have told TMZ (shocker) that they've formed an anti-pimping brigade to combat the influx of sex-workers looking to make a quick buck off of horny athletes. 

Check and mate. 

"With an influx of visitors heading to Paris for the 2024 Olympics, French police are cracking down on prostitution ... and we've learned an anti-pimping brigade is even leading the charge," TMZ writes.

"The Press Office for the Police Prefecture tells TMZ ... authorities are doing what they can to combat illegal sex work in the City of Lights. A formal brigade – known as the BRP – has even formed ... and we're told they will make their presence seriously known in the area. 

"There is also a group in charge of surveilling night establishments, such as cabarets ... where anti-sex work laws will be reinforced."

Olympic athletes need to tread lightly when it comes to illegal sex

That last line gets me every time … where anti-sex work laws will be enforced. Don't know why, but it makes me laugh. 

But wait … there's more!! Buckle up, because this one is a doozy. 

Apparently, there's a group across the pond that's pushing BACK on this prostitution crackdown because it's unfair to the illegal sex-workers. There's always two sides to every story, you know. 

Several nonprofit organizations spoke out on behalf of sex workers ahead of the Olympics ... as they believe the 'repression first' mindset has a negative impact on the sex workers' health and safety," TMZ added. 

The outlet also said that all of this may be for nothing, because the sex-worker scene has been somewhat thin for these Olympics because the accommodations are too expensive. 

Thanks, Biden! (I know, it doesn't work like that, but it's still funny)

What a way to start these games, huh? We've got opening ceremonies, where I assume someone woke will light the fire because it's 2024, and then it's off to the races for the next few weeks. Swimming, golf, rugby – you name it. Take your pick, and you'll get it over the next few weeks. 

The biggest question in my mind, though? Who will be the first American caught with a hooker? 

I wanna see those odds, Draft Kings!