Sam Bankman-Fried Went From Trading Crypto To Trading Canned Fish For Prison Haircuts In A Year

My oh my, how FTX conman Sam Bankman-Fried fallen.

In the span of about 18 months, he went from having some of the biggest names in the worlds of sports and entertainment shilling for his crypto exchange to trading canned fish for prison haircuts.

According to The Independent, he used some of that business know-how of his to round up cans of mackerel from the prison mess hall. The convicted felon then used those to take part in the ol' Graybar Hotel economy.

You see, just like on the outside, in-prison currency can be used to pay for goods and services. In this case, canned mackerel is about as valuable as a green piece of paper with a dead president on it, and more valuable than FTX is at the moment.

According to the report, Bankman-Fried used his mackerel/currency to pay for a prison haircut. He had to keep that signature moppy hairdo of his going even behind bars.

I found this revelation shocking.

FTX founder Sam Bankman-Fried when he was trading crypto instead of mackerel. (Photo by Craig Barritt/Getty Images for CARE For Special Children )

Sam Bankman-Fried Is Teaching Us Outsiders A Lot About The Prison Economy And Haircuts

As a chronic rule-follower, I've never been to prison. Not even a county jail. However, I have seen a few documentaries about prison and have always been intrigued by the economy that develops behind bars.

I had always been under the impression that cigarettes were the defacto but I guess they'll lose their value as fewer and fewer people smoke. So, something else has to take its place, and apparently for, Bankman-Fried's prison barber, mackerel fit the bill.

According to The Independent, Mackerel goes for $1.30 per tin. So, it's actually stronger than the United States dollar at the moment.

Although, I thought prison haircuts were included. Like, if you just need a little off the top you give a guard a wave. Then they hook you up with a quick buzz. I thought that was the protocol.

I suppose they only offer one hairstyle and that's completely shaved. So, if you're trying to keep up with the same killer 'do you had on the outside like Bankman-Fried is, then I guess you have to find a guy within gen-pop. If you're lucky, someone with some hair-cutting experience got caught shoplifting or forging checks.

Personally, I hate getting my hair cut. Shaved is the way to go for easy low maintenance. If I didn't have such fantastic hair, I would cut it off in a second. Especially, if the only barber I could get was some convicted felon I had to pay in mackerel.

Bankman-Fried is in the clink awaiting sentencing on seven felonies after defrauding FTX investors and lenders out of billions of dollars and stealing from customers.

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