Sabrina Carpenter Arrests Salma Hayek With Fuzzy Pink Cuffs & Has People Talking, Chiefs Mugshots, Plus Nachos
Screencaps readers share that they, too, have received the State of the Patio & State of the Vegetable Garden speeches from their wives
I got mine on Sunday, the first legitimate day of the year to get out and analyze the patio and the multiple garden beds that surround the patio. Mrs. Screencaps gave me a list of jobs that will take me until Memorial Day, at least, to complete.
It turns out, I wasn't alone in receiving State of the State speeches.
— Joel H. recently got the speech from his wife:
Joe, glad to see I’m not the only one working on gardening projects for their wife. Mine had me build and stain a large raised garden bed so she can start growing a bunch of vegetables that my children probably won’t eat. If it allows me a little more time on the golf course without her complaining it will all be worth it though. Looking forward to the TNML opening day. Thanks for all you do.
Kinsey:
Did she give you a State of the Vegetables speech?
— Joel H. responds:
State of the Vegetables lol. From what I'm told, she will be planting onions, lettuce, cucumbers, and possibly garlic in the large bed. We have three smaller raised beds that I helped build a few years ago that will remain in use for tomatoes and jalapeno peppers. She already has the onions started in the sun room with a warming plate under them. I'm mostly concerned with how I'm going to position the new bed so I can mow and trim around it. Hoping to have that figured out by the end of this week.
— CB in North Florida heard the State of the Patio speech from his own wife:
I feel your pain! Mrs. B has laid out my plans for the upcoming weeks as well and she’s not playing around. My list includes:
- Digging up the bed of the old walkway in the front lawn (I already laid down the new walkway last summer – big mistake in the N. FL heat!!)
- I’m also on plant detail. I’ll be digging out some of the old plants and putting in new foliage. This is closely linked to moving a sprinkler head or two to cover some spots that could use more coverage.
- Next up will be the partial regrading of the front lawn (it’s a giant bowl and the drainage needs to be improved). We did some of that last year, including adding in a few vertical drains (they work like a charm, but our table is pretty dang high so there is only so much they water they can move).
- Laying new sod in a few strategic location in the front and about a third of the backyard.
- Trim up some tree branches, cut back some brush and clean up a bit of dead fall.
That’s just for the outside. Granted, this does mean that I get to have the mini excavator and possibly the skid steer again for a few weeks, so I won’t complain.
Inside, our renovation is still in full swing. We’ve just about finished the 2 front rooms, but we have more to do.
- Demo the old laundry wall and prep for new plumbing, plus move and reframe to door from the mudroom into the new laundry space
- Move a wall in the master bedroom and drywall it
- Close up the current doorway to our master closet and put the new entry
- Frame out the new pantry in the kitchen and drywall it
I’ll be busier than a one-legged man at an a** kicking contest. If I’m being honest, I love it! I love working with my hands and building something. Mrs. B works right along beside me and let me tell you, she has perfected her drywall mud game. It sounds like a lot of work and it is, but we chose to do this ourselves. Do hard things. Which, if you haven’t already done it, you should make that into a t-shirt!
Have an awesome week!
Who here uses a Rain Bird drip system?
Introducing a drip system to the garden was a bullet point from Mrs. Screencaps State of the State speech. We're garden-hose watering way too much in the middle of the summer when we should be enjoying the patio. The goal is to relieve some of the stress.
What tips and tricks can you share from your experience with Rain Bird?
Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my Gmail that I'm no longer allowed to list here.
What happens when your wife's hobbies start to include things that can sting you?
— Jim M. in Howell, Michigan shares a story about what happens when wives pivot from State of the Patio addresses to owning bees:
My wife is an executive assistant at a department in the Evil Empire in Ann Arbor. She's meticulous beyond belief; I really think she could teach the military a thing or two about logistics. Her itineraries for our vacations are things of beauty. That planning acumen, however, seeps into her hobbies.
A few years back she decided to be a beekeeper, or beek. I wasn't wild about the idea, but I like honey and I love my wife so I agreed to pitch in. Everything was interesting until one day she failed to zip her suit property and had bees sting her eight times in the head and neck area. I had to turn the garden hose on her full blast to get rid of the tiny Warthogs.
Then, when it came time to rob the bees, it became readily apparent that the unpaid labor -- me -- was in charge of lifting the medium boxes (as opposed to the deeps, thank goodness) that had eight frames full of honey in them. We only had two hives, but lifting six boxes that weighed between sixty and seventy pounds while surrounded by angry bees in the August heat wasn't exactly fun. Extracting the honey was just icing on the cake. There's nothing like being covered in sticky honey with nowhere to go, if you know what I mean.
We had to forego beekeeping due to health issues for both of us, so she turned to another passion of hers, bonsai trees. Actually, this hobby ran concurrently with being a beek. Grow lamps? Had them in the basement to keep those bonsais alive during the winter. Then there's the whole "indoor" v. "outdoor" bonsais. Who knew? We've transitioned to building stands for the trees, planting some of them and scoping out potential bonsais while on drives in Ohio and Kentucky. For as little as I understood about bees I understand even less about bonsais. I killed a cactus once in college.
Now, while we plunge into prime bonsai season, we're doing a bathroom remodel. The last two weekends were spent shopping for vanities, tile, fixtures, mirrors, etc. Apparently, I'm not very helpful: Answering her question for my opinion with "I don't care" isn't helpful. I've dodged a bullet, sort of -- the demolition begins the second weekend of March Madness; she chose this start date without my input. For now, my wife is cleaning out the bathroom (90% of which is her stuff) in anticipation of the remodel. There's no question it needs done, but it's a grind.
Belichick's training camps were tame by comparison.
Kinsey:
Readers warned me that once Mrs. Screencaps started growing plants in the winter, it would escalate. They were 100% right. There's now a grow op in the basement that the Feds have probably picked up on their drone flights across suburban Northwest Ohio.
There's also the OG, the first grow op in the laundry room/treadmill room. It's now the smallest grow op in the house. And then there's the dining room window grow op next to Mrs. Screencaps' work desk that she tinkers with while taking a break from work.
Thankfully, she hasn't mentioned getting into the bee business, but she has mentioned bonsai trees. A few years ago, Screencaps Jr. brought home a pine tree sapling from school that she planted in a pot. During her State of the Patio speech, she mentioned turning the sapling, which is now a legit tree waiting to grow like a beast, into a bonsai. I don't know what this is going to cost me, but it sounds expensive.
If you need something to watch tonight: March Madness
It will be No. 12-seed Delaware vs. No. 2 UNC-Wilmington tonight at 7 p.m. ET on CBS Sports Network for a trip to the NCAA Tournament. Why is that a big deal? Because Delaware entered last night's game against No. 1 seed Towson with a 15-19 record and had lost 11 of its last 12.
Guys, we're talking about a TRUE Cinderella here.
It's time to jump on this bandwagon. This is why we watch this time of year.
If you need someone to root for in the NCAA Tournament: Big Filyyyy (that's what they call him on Instagram)
Kyler Filewich and Wofford won the SoCon title last night and they'll be in the tourney. Here's how Kyler shoots free throws. It helps that he's balding and looks like he crushes draft beers and chicken wings.
That's an instant must-follow during March Madness.
This guy looks like he will be a middle manager at a grocery chain in 5-10 years. THESE ARE THE GUYS WE ROOT FOR IN MARCH!
Beautiful ticket stubs in your collection that hold special memories
— Doug H. in Largo, FL who lives down the street from my mom, writes:
1971 Rose Bowl. Ohio State Buckeyes vs. Stanford Indians. Four high school seniors drove across country from Ohio during Christmas break camping out along the way and in campgrounds along the coast of California.
Ohio State with Rex Kern, Jack Tatum, and John Brockington was favored but were beaten by Jim Plunkett and Randy Vataha.
A memory for a lifetime! Can’t believe our parents let us go!
Kinsey:
- I've golfed with Doug there in Largo at the park where they all live. Doug can hit a golf ball and he has a sweet golf cart. If I remember correctly, it's a UNC baby blue. Beautiful ride.
- Doug famously ran a wild golf tournament that started in the early 1970s for alumnus of Oakwood High School in Dayton where they'd buy like a thousand Stroh's beers and hold a tourney. I think they still hold the tournament, minus the full 1970s total debauchery. A couple of years ago, I met Doug in person and couldn't believe he was behind such a tournament. Doug is the retiree who just goes with the flow. Some of you guys have stories. I just have to dig them out of the memory bank.
Tuzigoot National Monument
— Charlie T. is out and about in Arizona this week. He writes:
Folks, get out and see those national parks, that’s your land and it’s just incredible! We hit N Arizona this weekend, here’s a few pictures from the painted desert and petrified Forest national Park.
Man can’t create nothing in comparison to the beauty that God‘s created, and our national parks certainly show it!
Let me tell you,"native Americans" who built this in the 1100’s or so….say what you want… not exactly Greek Parthenons or Roman aqueducts.
I will die on this hill: Face piercings
— Chad H. backs me up:
Regular to your column here, writing from N.C., thank you for all you do. Kudos to you calling out the dumbest trend of our generation…face piercings. An attractive woman who has a piercing (or 3) is a troubling site.
If they have rod or hook in their nose septum, they should eat dinner out back with the dogs, they look like a tribal animal. Not trying to be harsh, just writing to let females know there’s nothing more unattractive than this. Willing to bet at least 8 of 10 of your regulars agree.
I will also die on this hill: Pathetic parents who let their kids stand up on booth seats to watch YouTube with the sound at full blast inside a restaurant where steaks are in the $45 range should be arrested
That happened on Saturday at J. Alexander's, a restaurant where not that long ago you wouldn't dare wear a hat or let your kids act like animals.
Parents are so pathetic these days. We sat right next to a family — mom, dad and what seemed like three kids — and the parents sat there (dad wearing a Mud Hens hat like an idiot) drinking away as their kids stood on the booths and watched some YouTube video with a bunch of dinging at full blast with the phone resting on the divider separating booths.
Two women in a booth behind us had that dinging right in their ears.
Mom never said a word. Dad, who sat there watching it, didn't say a word. Silence.
How to do retirement on a fixed income
— Tim T. would like to report on how he's living life at 67:
Sunday: Worked College Baseball Tournament - Earned $70.00
Thursday: Golfed 18 with Mrs. Tim T - Greens Fees $60.00
Tuesday: Rode motorcycle down to Daytona Bike Week - Gas $10.25
Retirement: May not be priceless but seems to cost around a quarter.
Kinsey:
I'm pretty impressed Tim T. is finding $30/pp golf in the South. Even the traditionally cheap golf courses around here are inching up into the $35 range.
Golf courses you've played
— Eric P. writes:
The Players is the official start to golf season, so when you decide to put some course photos up for our viewing pleasure, I doubt there are many that will match the views from the 9th or 15th tee at Chambers Bay.
Kinsey:
Eric sent very small photos. I was hoping to soak it all in and then he sent thumbnails of his masterpiece golf trip.
Best I can do are photos of Augusta National, which I didn't play. I need to get those photos out over the next 30 days.
####################
That's it for yet another Tuesday in March. Don't worry about that 401k. Tim T. just had himself a weekend and all it cost him was a quarter. You'll be fine.
Let's go have a great day of life.
Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my old Gmail account