Rep. Nancy Mace Shreds Paper In Her Boots, Riley Gaines' SEC Teammate Triggers The Libs & Cantore Vs. MAGA Man
You know how I know it's Hurricane Eve? Half my Twitter timeline is rooting for an easterly turn, and the other half is begging for a western nudge.
So every three hours – 5, 8, 11, 2, and 5 again – everyone collectively holds their breath as the next advisory from the NHC comes out, and one group breathes a slight sigh of relief while the other heads for the hills.
It's a Hurricane season tradition like no other down here in Florida, and one that truly brings us all one step closer to Lord of the Flies. On one hand, you're pumped if the storm appears to be turning away from you. But on the other hand, you're actively cheering for it to slam into someone else and destroy their home.
It's a delicate balance, and one that really brings out the worst of society. So … bottom line? It's been a real bloodbath on Florida Twitter today. Absolute carnage.
That being said … I'm #TeamWest here in Central Florida. I want this chick Helene to stay as far away from me as possible. I'm gonna get some bands tonight and have already been under a few tornado warnings today, but nothing out of the ordinary for September in Florida.
But I'm a couple easterly ticks away from having a big problem on my hands. Nudge away, Helene!
On that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we shred some paper with Rep. Nancy Mace and hope to God we don't lose anything important. I doubt we will. Nancy is usually pretty careful.
What else? I've got Danica Patrick taking a blowtorch to biological men playing women's sports, Paulina Gretzky dominating some SMU football gear, and Mackenzie Hughes setting the tone for this weekend's Presidents Cup even though nobody in the country seems to give a shit that it's actually going on.
Seriously, I haven't heard or seen a single thing about it. It's amazing how little we care about this thing compared to the Ryder Cup. Night and day.
OK, grab you a stack of flapjacks for National Pancake Day, and settle in for a Hurricane Eve 'Cap!
Jim Cantore is a big Trump guy!
Love a good pancake, by the way. They clear waffles and French toast by a mile. Easily. Not even kind of a competition. Anyone who prefers a waffle over pancakes is insane. Liberalism 101 is right down the hall, you animals!
And here's a tip for those of you asking – which is none of you but I'm gonna give it to you anyway.
The Harvest Grain ‘N Nut pancakes from IHOP are the best pancakes on this planet. They may be billed as a healthy alternative, but don’t be fooled. They're better than the buttermilk ones and will make you just as obese.
I didn't steer you wrong on the B-Dubs burger, and I won't steer you wrong here. Trust me. You're welcome! Bonus points for anyone who actually goes to IHOP (do people go to IHOP anymore?) and tries 'em.
And by bonus points, I mean … bonus points like they gave on Whose Line is it Anyway? – the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter!
OK, let's move on to more important things … like where in the hell Jim Cantore is right now in my state. Joe hit on it this morning, but the Cantore radar is up and running here in Florida, and it has everyone on high alert.
I've lived through many a hurricane with Jim in or near my town, and he's bad news bears. Whenever Jim's near your area code, it's time to take shit seriously.
Unfortunately for our friends in Tallahassee, he's taken his talents to Noles Country today. Sad. Hold the line, folks.
And while you're at it, make sure to get out and vote!
Danica and Riley protect women's sports!
Hilarious. Jim is so beyond annoyed with this, which makes it so much better. Jim Cantore is all business, folks. He ain't in town to play games. He's there to save lives and beat the shit out of a hurricane.
Guy is undefeated against storms over his lifetime. He's crushed hurricanes, tornadoes, blizzards, wildfires – you name it, Jim's defeated it. You think MAGA Man is gonna break him? I don't think so.
He's got a job to do and you bet your bottom dollar he's getting it done, one way or another. Good luck this week, Jimbo. I hope to never see you anywhere near me again.
OK, before we get into some more shenanigans to end the day, let's quickly hit on an important topic: protecting our great women's sports!
Danica Patrick continues to make (red) waves on the subject, as does our very own Riley Gaines. In fact, Riley was joined last night by another ex-SEC swimmer, former UF hurdler, Ryan McEnany!
Welcome to class, all three! Somewhere, Olbermann's head is on fire.
Nancy Mace shreds some documents, Presidents Cup fever & Paulina Gretzky is all in on SMU
Unreal push right now from the right to save women's sports. Love it. When you've got firepower like Danica, Riley and Ryann, I'm not sure how we can lose. Absolutely stacked team.
Much like my fantasy team right now, it's undefeated. (That's right! 3-0, baby. It's all downhill from here. Zero chance this ends well)
OK, rapid-fire time before Jim switches locations AGAIN. First up? Helene's in Florida right now, but she could skirt up towards South Carolina by the weekend. Rep. Nancy Mace – a rising star in the OutKick world – is ready for any and all the action:
This Nancy Mace is such a force to be reckoned with. She first came on my radar a few weeks ago when the MAGA bikini movement began, and she's quickly become one of my favorite follows on social media. Just a firecracker in every sense of the word.
"I've been nuking Charleston." Electric.
PS: she used to be a Waffle House waitress! Speaking of Waffle House …
Yikes. When the Waffle House boards up, it's time to pay attention. Strap in, folks. Gonna be a long 24 hours.
Next? Raise your hand if you knew the Presidents Cup started today!
I've got no problem with this, for what it's worth, but a lot of losers are A) upset that Mack would set this sort of example on a holier-than-thou golf course, and B) upset that Mack went with a non-Canadian beer.
That last part does seem odd to me, I'll give ‘em that. But the first part? God, I’m so tired of golf etiquette. The holier-than-thou golf dictators are the worst.
You can't do this. You can't do that. God forbid you ground your club in a bunker. That's worse than murder in the golf world.
Enough already. We get it. We hear you. Now, shut up. I ground my club every single time … respectfully, of course.
OK, that's all for today. I've got lawn furniture to put away. Not my choice, by the way. The First Lady insists. I tried to argue it for two seconds and quickly realized it wasn't a battle worth fighting.
So, off to the shed I go.
Take us home, SMU Paulina!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You riding out Helene? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.