Rangers Unveil Behemoth 'Boomstick Burrito,' Millions Concerned For Well-Being Of Stadium Bathrooms

Major League Baseball's Opening Day is almost upon us, which means that the arms race to debut the most absurd concession stand items is really heating up, and I think the Texas Rangers may have unveiled one that is going to be tough to beat.

Ladies and gentlemen… allow me to introduce you to the "Boomstick Burrito."

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Over the years, the Rangers have unveiled a series of "Boomstick" items. There's been the OG Boomstick, which is a two-foot loaded hot dog. That then inspired the Boomstick Burger and the Boomstick Triple-Play, which is a concession stand Frankenstein's monster that fuses a hot dog, a burger, and nachos.

Now, burritos are getting Boomstick-ified.

If you're going to be going to Globe Life Field this season and one of your lifelong goals has been to eat a burrito made from a tortilla the size of a manhole cover, well, then I guess dreams really do come true.

That right there is a 26-inch tortilla stuffed full of rice, beans, seasoned taco meat, cheese, pico de gallo, lettuce, and sour cream, per the team website.

That sounds delicious… but I've got questions.

First of all, how are you supposed to eat that at your seat? The ends of that burrito will be sitting in the lap of the person next to you, and I don't think they'll appreciate that.

Eh, maybe they will. Who knows?

There's also the matter of the bathroom situation, because I would bet you wouldn't need to get more than a few inches into that burrito before things start percolating. 

I mean, if the great Adam Richman of Man v. Food fame's brain goes to this, then there has to be a problem. 

I watched this guy eat a 12-egg omelette one time, so he knows of what he speaks.

Well, if you're going to take the Boomstick Burrito for a test drive, godspeed, and please report back with your findings.