Rachel Stuhlmann Slides Into The DMs To Tell Me About Her New Kiss Cards

I was just minding my own business Saturday afternoon -- I was cleaning out the basement workroom like tens of thousands of other suburban dads on a rainy, cloudy mid-October Saturday while listening to the college football action -- when my iPhone started lighting up as the world's No. 1 ranked tennis influencer Rachel Stuhlmann started sliding into my Instagram DMs.

There I was manning the Stihl shop vac as Stuhlmann was literally blowing up my phone with news that she's expanding her business empire into limited-edition kiss cards.

Kiss cards?

At first, I thought it was some Russian bot trying to trick me into clicking on a link only to steal my credit card information and my identity. Nope, Rachel was really blowing me up -- and telling me about her upcoming birthday party later that night -- while I was shop vac-ing.

"In honor of Rachel’s birthday, she’s sharing her limited edition Kiss Card! Each card is signed and sealed with a kiss from Rachel herself," Rachel's website reads. The cards cost $75 each and I followed up with Rachel on whether this is a digital kiss card where she made one set of lipstick marks only to have some computer generate her kiss on other cards.

"Each card was individually kissed," the world's top tennis influencer confirmed Monday.

I've heard of some rather interesting business ventures from influencers like the woman who started the fart-in-a-jar craze only to pivot to selling boob sweat after a health scare. Stephanie Matto made approximately $200k selling the fart jars before she went to the hospital for a heart attack scare after blasting 50 farts in a week to satisfy demand.

Stuhlmann kept things rather simple, but customers will still get that personalized experience.

She's sending out 50 of the kiss cards to collectors. She says that lipstick is the real deal, fellas.

While you're at it, you might want to pair the kiss card with a $150 personalized Cameo video or keep things simple and snag an "Overserved" Rachel Instagram photo koozie for $10.95.

Guys, Christmas season is almost here. Pool that money together and get your recently divorced and lonely pickleball-playing boss something he actually wants this year.

"Here’s a photo I haven’t posted yet as well. Getting ready for my bday party tonight!" Rachel wrote as I was emptying out the beer fridge of Masters' pimento cheese that had been in there since April.

The photo is small. It's not big enough to republish. Rachel is a pro. She's not going to give me the 3000-pixel version, boys. She wants to publish that one later this week.

And with that, Rachel went to party her ass off at some fun bar while I went down to a neighbor's house to suck down a few beers and watch the Oregon-Washington game with a bunch of guys complaining of their latest suburban dad life moments.

It was just another day in the life of my DMs.