The Punch-Up w/ Matt Reigle: March 22

We’ve done it! We’ve made it through another week, and if life got so hectic that you couldn’t keep up with the news, well, you’re in luck.

I’m Matt Reigle, and this is The Punch-Up.

There’s plenty to get into from a New Jersey hospital asking parents if their newborn is gay, Steven Spielberg’s daughter got a front-row seat to Tracy Morgan blowing chunks, the stranded astronauts are back on terra firma, and we even got some long-awaited JFK files.

But there’s more where that came from, so let’s get into it…

A New Jersey hospital is reportedly asking parents if their newborns are straight, gay, or transgender. There’s, of course, absolutely no way to know this, but I do have my suspicions about any kid who knows the words to every Madonna song before he’s even out of the NICU. 

Michigan baseball player Mitch Volt has apologized after a celebration in which he pretended to snort the third base line. The incident went viral, and it also got Hunter Biden very into baseball.

Aaron Rodgers will reportedly meet with the Pittsburgh Steelers. They’re not his first choice to play for, but he heard that the only time Primanti sandwiches are any good is when you’re coming down from an ayahuasca trip. 

Ben & Jerry’s has reportedly fired its CEO responsible for some of the company’s obsessive wokeness in recent years. The brand’s parent company says that it could deal with most of it, but the final straw was when he wanted to add nuts to the Women’s History Month flavor.

Disney’s troubled live-action Snow White is receiving terrible reviews. Some said it was hard to root for Snow White considering the actress playing her clearly wanted nothing to do with the movie.

A man in the UK was convicted of stealing a gold toilet from the home that Winston Churchill was born in. The working toilet is actually a work of art, which is fitting since most art is also filled with crap.

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Got all of that?

Alright, see you next week.