Pretentious New Yorker Writer Rains On Lionel Messi Parade In One Of The Most Disgusting Hit Jobs You'll Ever See

"Novelty act."

If New Yorker writer Jody Rosen was looking for a way to take a huge steaming dump on Lionel Messi's debut -- where the soccer hero delivered a game-winning goal -- for Inter Miami of the MLS, this Big J delivered a doozy that's being crushed by soccer fans who are furious over such negativity.

Jody Rosen just might be one of the most miserable humans on the face of the planet.

Let's explain.

"These fans understand that M.L.S. is a second-rate show, and that the real hot action is taking place overseas, in the élite leagues of Europe. They know that the star of a certain age who carpetbags to the States is a kind of novelty act," Rosen said of Messi's MLS debut in the United States. "To sign with an M.L.S. team is to quasi-retire, easing into your golden years while drawing a handsome—sometimes gargantuan—salary."

Man, let Messi get his Verizon account set up before running him out of the States, Big J.

"Novelty act." That's how New Yorker writer Jody Rosen is describing Lionel Messi's Coming to America moment. / Getty Images

Rosen, who made sure to note that Messi looked "brisk and inventive," quickly pivoted to tell readers "It is possible that the day’s competition was the weakest he has faced since he signed with Barcelona’s youth academy in 2000, at age thirteen."

Jody, bro, do you even party?

I get that it's your job to be critical, but my man, this is why you Big Js end up writting sappy Twitter I've been laid off tweets where all the Big Js say how sorry they are that you lost your job and how they're here for you if you need help.

Have a little fun for just one minute, Jody.

Enjoy sports. Help spread some joy amongst sports fans who need a little boost on American soil with Tom Brady retiring, LeBron fading towards retirement and not many young guns willing to step up to be the next great, and interesting, superstars.

Yes, Jody, we all know the MLS is where the European stars head to play out their careers. The casual sports fan gets it. Your audience gets it, Jody. You write for the elites who read The New Yorker. These elites already know all this stuff.

Lionel Messi celebrates the game-winning goal after defeating Cruz Azul during the Leagues Cup 2023 match between Cruz Azul and Inter Miami CF Friday night in Fort Lauderdale.. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

"Who could blame the guy for wanting to take a less stressful job?" Rosen writes, perhaps forgetting to look in the mirror at a guy who seems to be blaming Messi for taking the U.S. job.

"If he loses a step or two in Europe, the difference tells; but, in M.L.S., a depleted Messi will still be the best player in the league. Nice work if you can get it, at fifty-odd million dollars per annum. Messi will hold up his end of the bargain, supplying quotidian brilliance and a fair helping of paranormal thrills along the lines of Friday’s free kick.

"But, for Inter Miami, and for M.L.S. at large, he offers something better, more bankable, than great football: the guarantee that every game is an event. “It’s such a moment for this country,” Beckham exulted, on Friday night. 'It’s such a moment for this league.'”'"

YES...YES...YES...SAY IT LOUDER FOR JODY AND HIS FELLOW NERDS WAY IN THE BACK.

If you're never going to be the best league in the world, you better out-fun the other leagues and find ways to sell tickets. If that means wheeling out Messi to play a bunch of scrubs, then you better throw a massive party and make this an event the world wants to watch.

Jody better figure out a way to have fun before his readers dry up and he's taking to Twitter to say how mean, big corporate America laid him off.

Your call, Jody.