Pentagon Reporter Gabrielle Cuccia Is A Piss Missile, Woke ESPN Hates White Hockey Fights & Dumb Lib Dance!

We're over the hump, I'm on Day 2 of having no functioning coffee maker in my house, and I've got an empty cat trap on my front porch with a nice bowl of rotting cat food inside. 

The good news, however, is that my toddler voluntarily put herself to sleep last night at 7:30. What a twist. The First Lady was gone, too, and my 6-month-old went down without a fight at 7:45. 

I believe that was the first time I sat in my living room unimpeded since last August. It was weird. I watched a couple episodes of Fargo and checked the stupid cat trap twice before calling it a night. 

Ain't exactly how I spent a free night back in college, but I reckon we all have to grow up sometimes. As is life. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we unleash yet ANOTHER new White House correspondent – welcome to class, Gabrielle! – and go from there. 

Seriously, what a stable Team Trump has assembled. This has the makings of a real dynasty. I think we're in for a special four years. 

What else? I've got the insufferable Gayle King looking sad because Delta's CEO wouldn't play ball with her, the Libs protesting Trump in the most perfect, on-brand way ever, and readers were more animated than ever on the heels of yesterday's coffee maker fiasco. 

The mailbox is so full the HOA is sending me complaints! We'll dive in and see where this goes. Can't wait. 

Grab you anything you'd like – as long as it's American and alcoholic – and settle in for a pre-USA-Canada 'Cap!

Let's check in with Gayle King to start the day

Y'all watching this hockey game tonight? Credit to the NHL for this tournament, by the way. Home run for them. Did they luck out with the timing a bit? Sure. It's not every year we're on the brink of war with Canada. 

BUT, entertaining nonetheless. 

Also, and I don't think I've chimed in on this yet, but I didn't really have a problem with the booing stuff last week. I'm a big #content guy. It's what drives this column and, frankly, keeps my job. So, if Canada booing the national anthem is gonna drive #content, I'm always gonna be pro-that. 

Was it a little scum-baggey? Sure. Feel like anthems should be sort of off limits, right? Eh. I dunno. I get it. You're tanked, Trump just spent the last month mopping the floor with your disgraceful prime minister (governor), and the US of A is in town. 

I'm not sure I wouldn't have done the same thing. 

It's also why I wouldn't mind us giving it back tonight. Time to grow a backbone and stop being offended by everything. If they boo our anthem, let's A) bash their skulls in (check!), and B) boo their anthem right back. Eye for an eye. Reciprocal tariffs! 

The Libs get offended by things. Patriots fight back and dish it right back out. Let's be patriots tonight and win this hockey tournament. I admittedly know nothing about Canada beyond it nearly starting WWIII. 

USA!

Now, let's check in with insufferable Gayle King, who will probably be booing the wrong anthem in a few hours:

Stay hot, Libs!

Hilarious. She's so sad. And so disappointed. And so confused. Poor Gayle. 

"Is Donald Trump responsible for all these planes falling out of the sky because he's a big, bad, mean, Big R Republican?"

"The cuts do not affect us, Gayle."

Tough one for CBS. You know they were just expecting a doozy of a quote here from Delta Ed, and Gayle teed it up perfectly for him. Instead, he injects some sanity back into the discussion and Gayle can't keep up. 

Shocking that someone who once said ‘wokeism’ is actually ‘truthism’ didn't love this answer. Yep, she actually said that. I had to look it up twice to verify. These people are truly the best. What a gift. 

PS: remember last year when SI put 69-year-old Gayle in a one-piece and threw her on the cover of their swimsuit issue? What a moment:

And you thought you were coming here for the hot Instagram pictures of Pentagon correspondent Gabrielle Cuccia! Tricked you. Sorry. You get naked Gayle instead! You are welcome. 

Not to worry. We'll get to Gabby here in a minute. I promise. But first … let's check in on the Kennedy Center!

Gabrielle reports for duty, coffee conundrum & Molly!

My God. It's amazing. These people just never miss. They never, ever miss. 

Imagine showing up to whatever awful planning meeting they had for this stunt, and hearing that this was the plan, and thinking to yourself, ‘Yes, this is it. This is gonna hit Trump HARD.’ 

Personally, I prefer the Project 25 meetings we have every week. Way more fun! 

OK, let's rapid-fire this bad boy into a big night of breaking Canadian hearts. First up? Let's check in with ESPN's Molly Qerim!

I mean, it's just … I don't know, it's just amazing at this point. What a line! 

The passive-aggressiveness here from Molly reminds me of a family vacation with my wife's 12 sisters and 47 kids. Off the charts. So much tension. Just SAY IT, Molly! 

No half-measures, girl. You wanna make news this bad? SAY IT. Say that they don't let NBA players fight because they're black. Go ahead. 

Grow a pair and say it. Make ESPN proud, get you a promotion and a pay bump, and inject race straight into the conversation. 

Incredible. Hey, Molly – ever heard of Malice at the Palace? 

Yeah, sure. They never let 'em fight in other sports. Just all-white hockey!

Next? OK, I have to unload some of these coffee maker suggestions y'all sent me last night and this morning. 

Seriously, I've NEVER gotten this many emails from one class. Who would've thunk it? 

I'm gonna just rapid-fire them here without the names, because, frankly, we don't have the time, and I'm running out of (column) inches. And that ain't the last time I'll say that today!

• The modern electronic programmable coffee makers fail due to planned obsolescence, so 4 failures in 9 years is just about par for this kind of coffee-maker.
• Switch up your game to a percolator. Now I know what you’re thinking, it’s 2025 not 1925. But hear me out. I switched to one fairly recently that my buddy gave me and it’s been a game-changer. 
• As for the coffee pot issue, I feel that way about current refrigerators.  My 92-year-old dad still has a functioning fridge AND a freezer from the 70s that work just fine....as I sit here staring at my pos LG fridge on the fritz after 5 years.
• Suggest you consider a non-electric solution to your coffee pot troubles. Folgers makes Coffee Singles, essentially a tea bag, only coffee. 
• Melita makes a single cup pour over coffee brewer. The advantage of the Melita is you can use whatever coffee you prefer.
• For your coffee maker issue, it is time to go old school! For years, I used a French Press, which did a great job. I’ve got a couple now that I use when I travel. However, for the best cup of coffee you’ll ever make, get yourself a Chemex! I’ve been using one for the last 3-4 years, and it is the best way to start the day.

A ton to process. Great work, everyone. This is why I love Nightcaps. Seriously, it's my favorite thing to do every day. 

Now, I was nearly sold on going the percolator route last night – and damn near pulled the trigger – until the First Lady did some Big J research and found that No. 1 complaint with them is that they tend to make coffee overly-strong and bitter. I guess that's sort of the point. I'm a little hesitant now, because I am, admittedly, a Lib when it comes to my coffee game. 

I don't mind it strong, but I can't do bitter. It's why you'll never find me in a Starbucks. I LOVE a good watered-down coffee from Dunks. The best. And I ain't afraid to say it!

Anyway, I'm gonna keep grinding away at it today. No decisions made, but time is ticking. 

PS: this Chemex thing looks amazing, although I may need to wait for my tax refund from DOGE to clear before I buy one. My goodness: 

PPS: all of you ended your emails by asking for an update on the stupid cat. There is none. The cage is still empty and the bowl of food inside is now soggy from last night's rain, which has created a really inviting scent on my front porch. 

The good news is, Animal Control has stopped by four times since yesterday afternoon to check the cage, as if I wouldn't call them the second we caught this dumb thing. Talk about wasted tac dollars. 

Check back tomorrow!

OK, that's it for today. We're at nearly 1,500 words and haven't even gotten to OAN's Gabrielle Cuccia yet. And, frankly, that's unacceptable. 

Welcome to Pete's Pentagon, Gabby!

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Last call for coffee suggestions! Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.