Paulina Gretzky Has Her Pink PGA Bikini, Kristen Saban On A Beach & Missouri Politician Says Don't Be Gay
I'm gonna be honest with you – some days, this class is such a grind to map out. The content just ain't there. I do my best to find something, anything, and hope to God it sticks. I put on a brave face, hit publish, and hope for the best.
Today … ain't one of those days. The content is so fluid right now I can't even keep up. Seriously, it's coming at me from all sorts of angles, and I'm doing my best to keep the ship afloat.
We've got NFL schedule leaks all over the place. Told you, it's one of my favorite days, and the leakers brought it STRONG this year.
We've got Paulina Gretzky getting in her summer bikini. Kristen Saban jetting off to Florida and firing up the Instagram after a two-week hiatus. Boobs in the portal – which I called, by the way. I stumbled upon my new favorite politician last night and I don't even know if she's gonna make the cut now.
This time last night, she was in the A-block of today's class. She'll be lucky to make the rapid-fire portion at this point. Unreal.
On that note, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – where we talk about everything I just said and try to keep the hell up. Strap in.
Paulina Gretzky will certainly make the cut. Always has, always will. We respect the vets around here. Same with Nick Saban's daughter. Anyone who flees to Florida is A-OK in my book. You'll see.
What else? Well, Aaron Rodgers is NOT a porn guy, Brittany Mahomes stops by, and one kid at the Jake Paul-Mike Tyson presser needs Harrison Butker's wife in his life STAT.
That's right, I said it. Enough with the fake outrage.
Grab one of those Red Bull-Vodkas and try to keep up, because we are HUMPING in today's Hump Day 'Cap!
Paulina Gretzky is ready for the PGA Championship
Let's just quickly – and I mean quickly, because we've got a loaded plate today – talk about Harrison Butker.
The fake outrage is so funny. Enough. Stop it. The lefty media outlets coming after him, twisting his words, saying he should be canceled, saying he's a bigot and misogynist … you're all morons.
He's not telling anyone to do anything. He's telling the class what worked for his family. What his wife did. How she lived her life.
And by the way, morons – Harrison gave this speech on … Mother's Day weekend! Did y'all stop, even for one tiny second between your virtue-signaling and fake outrage tweets, to think about that? Maybe, I don't know, that was sort of the point?
People are acting like Harrison Butker got up there, looked all the graduating women in the faces, and said "get your asses in the kitchen and make me a sammich, on the double!" They're acting like he basically told them all to go watch A Christmas Story and be like that mom.
No. He didn't. Stop. She's the GOAT, by the way, but that's not the point here.
I mean, it's just not what happened. Interpret it however you'd like, I reckon, but that ain't it. Disagree if you want – that's fine, that's America – but do it fairly. I know that's a big ask in 2024.
Think about this …
The same people who champion transgender athletes in women's sports – and who are ruining women's sports – are now back to defending real, biological women. Again, they LOVE to have it both ways. It's their calling card.
I swear, the left gets dumber and dumber each day. It's stunning.
Save us, Paulina Gretzky. Please.
What a weekend of golf we have in front of us
Queen Paulina's one of the best homemakers in the country. Elite stuff. I will say, if Dustin doesn't remember how to play golf soon, she may have to pick up a few shifts at the Publix this summer.
Seriously, what the hell has happened to that dude? 27th, 21st, 24th, missed Masters cut, 31st, 7th. Hopefully last week at Singapore was a sign of things to come, because we need DJ – and Paulina – at the top of their game heading into the summer.
Speaking of this weekend's PGA … I think we're in for an elite few days of golf content. Between Tiger's goatee, Rory's divorce and Scottie's return after having his baby for 10 straight weeks, I'm just not sure how we could go wrong.
If the #content from the early portion of the week is any indication, you had better buckle the hell up for Thursday-Sunday:
The SEC on ABC era is here, and it's awful (but also funny)
I'd give my left pinkie for John Daly to be relevant on the Sunday of a major just one last time. Could you imagine? It'll never happen with Scottie in the field, but man, it would be awesome.
Oh well. Tiger, John and Phil on the Champion's Tour down the road will be a nice consolation prize.
Big weekend, boys. Let's get after it out there!
Now, we have a few more big weekends in front of us until we get to our first college football Saturday of the year. Not a ton – I believe we're at 100 days TOMORROW – but still, a decent amount.
Anyway, it's still a good time for a little refresher before we fully get into college football mode. In that vein, goodbye SEC on CBS, and hello … to this:
Disgusting. Look what they took from us. It's so sad. I'll never, ever get over it. That being said, this is maybe the only thing that will slowly reel me back in:
10000000000% agree here. This theme – along with the SEC on CBS one – was my childhood. It's the GOAT college football theme. The best. There was nothing like spending a Saturday morning crushing some skulls on the pop warner field, and then coming home to that. Nothing.
If ESPN has the nuts to bring it back, I'm in. If not … well, I'm still in, because it's college football, but I'll just be pissy about it.
The wokes over at Disney are already off to a good start, at least!
Aaron Rodgers, Kristen Saban & this Valentina Gomez is electric
Knowing the folks in Bristol, they'd probably tell you that was a girl!
I know, low-hanging fruit. But it had to be done.
OK, rapid-fire time – and we have a ton to get to, so lock in for the stretch run. First up? I just discovered Missouri Republican Valentina Gomez, and I've never been more all in on a politician in my life.
I mean, my God. HOW did this chick slide under our radar? Do you know she existed? What a fireball. How come Trump isn't making her VP? Could you imagine that ticket?
"Don't be weak and gay" gets me every time. Just didn't see it coming. So blunt. Where do you reckon she lands on the Harrison Butker debate?
Now, let's go from burning porn books to watching it with Aaron Rodgers and Tucker!
(What a sentence)
Aaron may not watch porn, but there is absolutely no chance the guy who routinely goes on Ayahuasca benders in dark caves and foreign countries ain't into anything "kinky." Less than zero percent chance.
You're telling me Aaron and someone called BLU OF EARTH just dabbled in missionary stuff? Yeah, OK. Sure.
Next!
Goodness gracious. What a mouth on this one, huh? You think they talk like that at the Butker household?!
Relax, it's a joke. (Not really, they definitely don't)
Finally … welcome back, Kristen Saban!
Brittany Mahomes takes us into a big night
I knew she'd be back one day, and Kristen's social media hiatus lasted just under two weeks. She heard the noise, shut it out, fled to Florida (good call), and got back to living her life.
That's #OurGirl. She's a fighter. Permanently unbothered!
Whew. Told you it was gonna be a long class. Thanks for all who stuck around till the last bell. Here's Brittany Mahomes giving us some behind-the-scenes content from her SI shoot.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Harrison Butker a better motivational speaker, or fantasy kicker? Or both! Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.