Paige Spiranac Dusts Off Her Tiny Green Jacket, Nancy Mace Debuts A Crop Top & Tiffani Amber Has A Stalker

Happy Monday! Tariff madness during the day, March Madness at night (more on that nonsense in a minute), and a little Paige Spiranac-Masters preview sandwiched in between. 

Who has it better than us right now? Nobody, that's who! Sure, the stock market took bigger swings today than primetime Gary Sheffield, but that doesn't mean we're all in the shitter. 

Come on! Let's have some fun, shall we? This is a safe space, I promise!

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where Paige breaks out her tiny green jacket and gets us all ready for a big week at Augusta. 

What else? I've got a loaded weekend of #content to get to, Tiff Ann stops by after a week off, and I'll take a flamethrower to the crooks in the NCAA and at CBS over tonight's barbaric start time. 

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Guys, what are we doing here? My God. Can't we do just one smart thing for once? Gets dumber every single year. Incredible.

Oh well! At least this class starts at 4 p.m. on the dot each day! (Not really, but at least it ain't 9!)

Grab you a beer to celebrate National Beer Day, which seems like a solid day, and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!

Happy National Championship Game day … goodnight! 

Honestly, a Mount Rushmore of Beers seems like low-hanging fruit. I'm quite sure we've done that class before. 

Instead, let's go ahead and exclude the obvious choices here (anything domestic) and go a little off the grid. My top-4:

1. Mango Cart (there's a reason it's available at most bars on draft)

2. Red Stripe (elite bottle)

3. Shipyard Pumpkin (only from Oct. 1 - Thanksgiving)

4. Funky Buddha Floridian (certainly a local thing, but if you know, you know)

There you have it. You are welcome! Go grab you one of those bad boys (minus the Shipyard, obviously) for tonight's big game! 

And then, when you're passed out five minutes into it, make sure you wake up in the morning and grab you some coffee so you can read all about it!

Feel like I do this every single April, but I don't care. It's an annual PSA to anyone who will listen. 

The NCAA championship game tipping off around 9 p.m. is barbaric. You know who I'd like to tariff? The dummy who makes that decision each year. 

This year's tourney has been pretty ‘meh’ … until last Saturday night, when Houston stunned Duke in the final minutes. 

Guess how much of that I saw? Zero. Zip. Nada. Most of America didn't, because it happened around midnight. The game tipped around 9:30. Nobody saw your best game, and now your biggest game doesn't start until 9? On a Monday? 

Insanity. 

January's CFB title game between Ohio State and Notre Dame kicked off at 7:30. The Super Bowl starts at 6:30 every year. And you're telling me it's best practice to have a 9 p.m. tip for the men's basketball national championship game? 

That cannot be true. Just can't be. Dummies. 

What a weekend of #content!

Sure, whatever. Maybe I am a bit pissy for a 32-year-old. But the country is on edge right now. Haven't you heard?! The least the crooks at CBS and the NCAA could do would be to give us a proper start time after seeing red all day. 

Oh well. Can't wait to find out all about it in tomorrow's newspaper! 

OK, let's get to the #content from a big weekend. Nick Castellanos did it AGAIN!

Paige in green, Tiff Ann & Maggie in Europe

Another big weekend! Honestly, it was a bit slow on the sports front, but y'all still made it work. That's why the internet is undefeated. 

Couple thoughts …

1. Nancy Mace? Nancy Mace! Love a good morning walk. 

2. Fenway booing the shit out of the insufferable Boston mayor? Music to my ears. Led to an INSANE email from one Lib who accused me of being a dike and a misogynist in the same sentence. Frankly, that's the most impressive feat I've ever heard of. 

3. Thought we nearly had an inverse Cramer this morning when the market went up 1000 points out of NOWHERE. We were so close. All because of a fake news story. Sad. See how silly markets are? 

4. The Dodgers in the White House on Tariff Day Part III? Bold. I heard our own David Hookstead was on site, too, to cover it all! That's going to be a must-read recap for multiple reasons. 

OK, rapid-fire time because I have an eye appointment this afternoon and I need to make sure I brush up on how to fudge one of them stupid exams.

First up? Happy Masters week to all who celebrate!

Oh heck yes. Inject it straight into my veins! Masters week doesn't officially start until Paige Spiranac dusts off her iconic green jacket. 

NOW, we go. Let's have a big week, boys and girls. 

God, I miss the Big Cat. Augusta just ain't the same without him. I'm pretty convinced he ain't winning ever again at this point, so 2019 is all I have. 

Still one of the greatest things I've ever watched on live TV. Such a simpler time. At least he gets to stay at home and bang Vanessa Trump this weekend! Silver linings, folks. Surely that relationship will end well. 

Next? Tiff Ann checks back in after a few weeks away. Missed this:

Welcome back to class, Kelly Kapowski! Keep those recipes coming! Broc-cheese soup? Underrated, too. I'm sure it'll taste great down here in Florida this week, where it's currently 93 degrees. Perfect combo. 

OK, that's it for today. Good class. I've gotta go get my eyes dilated and then blindly drive home. Can't wait. 

Take us home, Maggie. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You staying up tonight? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.