Paige Spiranac Bakes In A Mrs. Claus Apron, Don Jr.'s New Girl In Candy Cane PJs & Caitlin Clark's White Guilt
Folks, we're two weeks out. Two weeks away from the big day.
"This is the big one!" as Clark Griswold would say. Can you believe it? Feels like we were just murdering some turkeys, and now we're scrambling for last-minute gifts because the timer is ticking like a sonofabitch in your ear.
Tick. Tick. Tick. Thank God for the First Lady, because without her, my family would be getting nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. I'm so bad at Christmas shopping.
For starters, I think it's dumb. I'm just going out and spending money I don't have on things because society tells me to? I don't get it. My Mother-in-law, God bless her, asks the family for our Christmas lists … in October.
October!
I refuse to give her one. Won't do it. If you see something you think I'd like and want to get it, go for it. If not, I'm good. I promise, I'm good.
Unless you wanna give me money. I'll always take money. Have you seen this economy lately? Come on. I'm not stupid.
On that note, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we put aside the gifts to bake some Christmas cookies with Paige Spiranac. This is a Mrs. Claus we can all get behind.
What else? I've got Caitlin Clark hating herself because she's white – sad! – Netflix rolling out a 30-man team for two football games on Christmas Day, Don Jr. unveiling his new girlfriend as his fiancée gets shipped off to Greece, and maybe we'll end the day with the Cavinder Twins.
Maybe.
OK, let's get this show on the road. I've got cookies to bake!
Pencils up. It's a Hump Day 'Cap.
What a fumble here by Caitlin Clark
Let's see … it's peak NFL season and the CFB playoffs start next week. Where should we start today's class?
WNBA of course! We zig, they zag. And don't you forget it. This is an unfortunate zig, too, because I don't think young Caitlin Clark realizes what she just did here …
For those who missed it, the most popular player in WNBA history, and, frankly, the only reason anyone even considers watching a game, basically apologized for … being white. She did so last night, in a story for Time Magazine – which somehow still exists despite being insufferable – after she was named the publication's Athlete of the Year.
I mean, I just … I don't get it. I did not have Caitlin Clark bending the knee to the mob on my year-end Bingo card. Not because she's not dumb enough to do so – she's 22, trust me, she's dumb – but because they really don't exist anymore.
Trump won. The mob lost. You don't have to be afraid of them anymore. They are lunatics, and they're all on Bluesky now.
This could be the biggest bag-fumble of all time. People like Caitlin Clark for many reasons, including the fact that she – so far – really hasn't been one of your typical gaslighting athletes.
But now, for literally no reason, she just played the dreaded white privilege card. I assume it's because her boyfriend is a raging liberal. Or she was pressured by the gaslighters behind the article. Or by the even gassier-lighters who run the WNBA.
Or, perhaps, all three?
Regardless, Gen-Z is the worst and I'm so happy I'm out of my 20s. (Not really, it makes me sad, but you know what I mean)
Get a load of this Netflix crew
Yeah, I just don't get it. Sad. But hey, maybe folks won't even notice!
Whoops.
From St. Paul Paul:
I was interested in following the success of this athlete until such time that she began weighing-in on the election by making it clear she was supporting the illegitimate installed candidate.
She has now made her choice, so we will see what happens moving forward, but she has clearly alienated some of her support base with this embarrassing commentary in response to receiving a nomination for some woke magazine cover.
If she were smart, she would have politely stated that her personal views on politics have no relevance to her job as a professional athlete and entertainer, and she has nothing to say about politics. The magazine can either pull their offer or proceed with the award accordingly, but in the grand scheme of her earning opportunities, this particular tribute shouldn't matter at all.
Fair point, Paul. Thanks for the letter! It'll be interesting to see if this has any impact at all on ratings next year.
Perhaps the WNBA season is far enough away that people won't remember. Or, you know, the internet could also just #NeverForget and Caitlin could be cast aside forever.
Stay tuned!
OK, you know what's not far away? Christmas. I've already told you that. But with Christmas comes two Christmas Day NFL games, both on Netflix.
Now, any guesses on how many folks woke Netflix has lined up to cover … two … NFL games? You're all wrong, because the answer is 1 billion:
Paige, Don Jr. & the Cavinder Twins!
My God. I count 26 (!!!) people lined up to cover Chiefs-Steelers & Ravens-Texans. Twenty-six! Mind you, this is the same company that couldn't get us a solid stream – aside from Mike Tyson's ass – for the Tyson-Paul fight last month.
And now they're gonna have the bandwidth to cover two NFL games with 26 cast members? I mean, what the hell are we doing here?
The Good: Kay Adams (duh duh duh duh), Nate Burleson, Melanie Collins, Ian Eagle, Greg, Ian R. and JJ.
The Bad: Brees, Noah Eagle, RGIII (insufferable), McCourty twins.
The truly unwatchable: Mina.
Don't really care for the rest, although I do think Nate Bargatze is funny.
OK, rapid-fire time on this Hump Day in December. First up? Fine. Paigeviews!
How in the hell can you say no to that? The First Lady actually made cookies this morning and I will be showing her this moving forward this holiday season.
Wish me luck!
Next? Look who's got a new girlfriend!
Yes! Welcome to the show, Bettina Anderson – a Palm Beach socialite.
What's a socialite, you ask? Don't worry, you are not alone. I had to Google it, too. Mainly because I'm heterosexual.
Merriam tells me a socialite is a person who is well known in fashionable society and is fond of social activities and entertainment.
So, welcome to class Bettina Anderson – and Merry Christmas!
Two more on the way out … first, I don't feel like updating the aviation list today, but you can add this as a mental note if you're keeping tabs at home:
My God. If you're not road-tripping across the US of A at THIS point, I don't know what to tell you. I've tried my best all damn year. You can lead a horse to water …
OK, that's it for today. Let's all allow the Cavinder Twins to end this Christmas-themed class on a holly, jolly note.
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
What do you stand on Caitlin Clark? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.