Nikki Glaser Dresses Down, Tiffani Amber Goes Bottoms Up & A Disheveled Ellen Spotted In The UK After Fleeing
They did it AGAIN! The Libs let us meanie conservatives make it to another Friday. Through another week. To another Saturday of college football. Another NFL Sunday.
IDIOTS! They keep letting us get here. God, what a run we're on. The winning is insane right now.
The best part? We get to go into this weekend knowing we're all mailing it in next week. Like, it's a three-day work week at best. And for those who actually show up, what's the point? You're not actually doing anything. You coast through Monday and Tuesday, and really start to mail things in on Wednesday.
You get Thursday off, and then obviously you're taking Friday off, right? I mean, I'm not, because I'm a great Patriot and this country needs Nightcaps, but otherwise? Yeah, no shot.
Anyway, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we dress down with Nikki Glaser, and then drink up with Tiffani Amber Thiessen.
I know Screencaps stole her earlier this week, but she's BACK where she belongs today. Welcome home, Tiff.
What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded week of #content, plenty of Jameis Winston from last night because this man deserves a statue in Canton, and greasy Gavin Newsom selling cars. Hell, maybe we'll check in with Ellen DeGeneres, too. What the hell!
How's THAT sound for a Friday menu? I may be mailing it in next week, but not today, baby! Let's roll.
Pencils up. Notebooks open. It's time for a pre-Thanksgiving week 'Cap!
Nikki starts us off with a bang
Don't usually start with the main event – I've gotta keep you here for longer than 30 seconds, you know (ain't the last time I'm hearing that today!) – but it's a Friday and I'm in a good mood. I reckon that's what waking up to mid-40s will do to a man.
I mean, what a damn DAY here in Central Florida. My God. My AC hasn't kicked on in nearly 24 straight hours. She doesn't know what to do with herself with all this free time.
Now, I will say, I didn't miss the door shocks. Y'all get those? I'm sure the Yankees in class know what I'm talking about, right? When you go to open your car door in sub-50 degree weather, and immediately get shocked? The worst. Gets me every single time, too. Miserable.
But, I'll take it if it means I get to open the windows for the first time since April.
Anyway, that's enough rambling about the weather. Let's check in with Nikki Glaser and really get this weekend started:
What a week of bookmarked content!
I wrote about Nikki this morning while y'all were sleeping, so forgive me for going BACK to the well. But, when we're getting #content like this, it's easy to double-dip.
And look, I know Nikki's a raging Lib. I get it. But, we don't discriminate in this class. Well, we DO, but we try not to. She's funny, she's raunchy, and she's versatile, as you can see. If we stopped inviting all the lefties to this class, it would be tough. Unlike them, we extend an invitation to everyone around here.
So, welcome to class, Nikki! Act right.
Now, let's get to the week that was, courtesy of a bunch of funny shit I saved on my Twitter timeline that I didn't get to share. I reckon we'll start with Jameis Winston, because this dude is the best.
Seriously, how is he not a full-time starter somewhere? Wild:
Tiff Ann, Ellen & KFC!
A lot to break down there …
1. Gavin is 100% running in 2028. Hi, Gavin Newsom here and here at Newsom Nissan, do we have a Thanksgiving deal for you!
2. That one about commercials back in the day compared to commercials now? Mind-boggling. I remember each and every one of those like it was yesterday. It's disgusting what's become of this country.
Hey, Hims.com – we GOTCHA. We know. Enough already.
3. The house exploding? Exactly why I don't mess with anything gas-related. Scares the bejesus out of me. I hold my breath every time I light my grill.
OK, rapid-fire time on this final-Friday-before-Thanksgiving. First up? Ellen DeGeneres fled the country yesterday with partner Portia because Trump won the election and the happy lesbian couple couldn't take it anymore. Sad.
Anyway, let's check in on UK Ellen!
Totally normal behavior here from a token lefty. Flee the country because Donald Trump won the election, as if that's going to do anything, and then change your look completely because you're on some sort of "life journey." OK, Ellen. Enjoy the UK.
PS: Ellen fooled an entire generation of suburban moms, including my wife. I told the First Lady for YEARS that Ellen was secretly a terrible human, and that her whole "be kind to one another" act was complete bullshit. And I was 100% right. She's the worst.
Next? Let's check in on how KFC is spending their money this quarter:
From our friends at the NY Post:
The fast food chain has launched Lickable Wrapping Paper for the gifting season.
The limited-edition paper purportedly tastes like KFC’s Original Recipe Chicken "with a refreshing hit of cranberry sauce and an aromatic pinch of sage from the sage and onion stuffing patty," according to the product description.
However, KFC warned that the wrapping paper is "not intended for human consumption."
The lickable areas of the paper have a protective cover that needs to be peeled off to access the tasty patch — but it’s not advised to lick any patches without a protective cover.
The company also noted that it "may require a few licks" to get the full flavor, and all products used are food-safe and non-toxic, but the wrapping paper is not vegan- or vegetarian-friendly.
My God. Was that a product description or a porn ad? Nikki Glaser would have a field day with that one.
It’s not advised to lick any patches without a protective cover. Anyone else sweating in here? No? Just me? Alrighty then!
Finally, let's get tanked with fan-favorite Tiff Ann Thiessen on the way out. Take us home, Kelly Kapowski!
Welcome back to class, Tiffani Amber! I know you ditched us for Screencaps earlier this week, but they always come crawling back. Don't you forget it!
We respect those who remember their roots around here, and Tiff Ann is welcome in this class any day of the week. Especially if she's slinging around drinks like that!
OK, that's it for today. And this week.
See you Monday. Act right this weekend. But hey, have some fun!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You gonna miss Ellen? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.