Nick Saban's Daughter Kept Her Crimson Bikini, Playboy Model Undresses Leo & UM Frat Brings Back Hazing
Hey, we made it! It's March 1.
I saw pink flowers blooming on my walk yesterday, it's been over 75 for about five straight days down here in free Florida, and we're officially closer to Memorial Day than we are last Christmas.
OK, that last one ain't technically true, but it's pretty close, and that's good enough in this class. Cs get degrees, baby!
On that springy note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we kill time dicking around until the final bell mercifully releases us out into a big, beautiful, drunken weekend. Just as God intended.
We're going to be quick and to the point today because it's a Friday and we've all got better things to be doing.
Nick Saban's daughter started March on a beach in Mexico, so I reckon we'll take a swing at that today. And hey – she still has her Crimson Tide bathing suit.
Nick may have retired, but Kristen didn't.
We also have a state trooper in Missouri who doesn't skip leg day, a Playboy model giving Leonardo DiCaprio a not-so-stellar review, and a University of Miami fraternity doing a little hazing in the broad daylight.
Bold move in Florida, considering that could be a felony down here. Law & Order state folks, don't forget it.
OK, grab a Guinness because it's March – that's the official drink of this month, you know – and try to keep up during a frenetic final class of the week.
Fridays are always a wild card, so let's get weird at the jump
You never know where we're gonna start a Friday class – and, frankly, neither do I most of the time – and today is no different.
I spun the wheel and chose … Coral Gables!
For some reason, a U of M frat decided to spend their week doing a little hazing in the broad daylight – right in the middle of campus.
Now, back in the day, this would be a nothing-burger. But hazing used to be cool back in the day.
We're all so soft – and weird – now that it's sort of lost its luster. And by that, I mean it's no longer allowed and, sometimes, can even get your ass thrown in the clink.
That's what could happen down here in Florida, where this sort of action could be deemed a misdemeanor or, in some cases, a felony!
This is a tough look, no matter how you spin it
You ever been stuffed into a trash can shirtless while other folks vomit liquid down your back?
Me neither, but I can't imagine it's great. Feels like something you don't just brush off and forget, but who knows? Frankly, I grew up in clubhouses and locker rooms, so this bounces off me like rubber bullets. I wouldn't even get out of bed for this.
I guess it's more of a respect/how dumb can you be thing. Why do it in broad daylight for literally everyone to see? What exactly did they think was going to happen?
Let's show just an ounce of common sense next time and maybe puke on the shirtless guy when it's dark out, at the very least. That's all I'm asking.
Now, related to absolutely nothing, here are a bunch of folks on the game show The Floor having a pretty up and down showing.
Some good answers, some misses. Can't quite put my finger on what went wrong, though.
Kristen Saban enjoys the offseason in Mexico
No clue if that's recent or not, but you all know the rules – if I see it for the first time, it's new. Simple as that.
Also, just another … weird … SNL bit. It was sort of funny half the time, and then just dumb, and then it just ends. Do they not know how to end a skit over there any more? Weirdos.
Plenty of takeaways in the actual clip, but the most glaring miss had to be Steve Harvey, right? Guys, they didn't even blur out his mustache. Feel like that one should've been the one gimme.
PS: never forget Family Feud OG Gerald from a few years back:
Legend. My dude. I've always said I'd get kicked off the Family Feud set within minutes if I ever found my way on there. It's why I hate doing the live TV hits with FOX Weather. Too much of a wild card.
I'm a big fan of the backspace button when I do Nightcaps. Has saved my job on more than one occasion.
Ya'll should see the unedited version of these classes. I'd be locked away so fast your heads would spin.
Shoutout to Gerald, though. And shutout to Kristen Saban!
Playboy, Leo DiCaprio & trooper vs. hay bale
How about the post-retirement heater Kristen's been on? Unreal. Coach Saban hangs 'em up and Kristen lets loose.
Can't wait to see what the rest of the offseason has in store for us.
Rapid-fire time as we head to the first weekend of March! First up? Playboy model Hieke Konings versus Jack from Titanic:
Hieke Konings, 22, claims she snogged the Hollywood star, 49, in an invite-only nightclub, but slammed him as 'too weird and too old'.
Hieke described the kiss as average, saying: 'It was okay, but definitely not the best I’ve had.'
Hieke said that while she had not slept with Leo, she had several pals who had spent the night with him and claimed he has some questionable preferences in the bedroom.
She said: 'One friend said he kept his earphones in during sex because he didn’t want to hear her. And another said he even put a pillow on her head.'
Hey, Hieke – not cool. Let's not kiss and tell, OK? And guess what? Here's a secret – earphones during sex sounds like a great idea. I'm gonna try it soon. First song up?
You all know it by now, but just in case you missed the Toby Keith tribute class:
Mount Rushmore of songs to listen to during sex? I guess. Why the hell not.
- You just saw it.
- Welcome to the Jungle (duh)
- I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) ((shoutout to Marshall from How I Met Your Mother)
- Star Wars Battle of Endor soundtrack
Electric score right there. Gets me fired up every single time I watch it.
And I'm sure the First Lady will love it!
Finally … what do ya'll reckon this menace would listen to?
Lindsay Brewer takes us into March
What a monster. Had no clue those things were that heavy. Kudos to this guy, though. I would've called it a day after about three seconds.
I also get pretty winded from peeling an orange, though, so I'm probably not the best barometer.
On that note, let's head into the new month with IndyCar driver Lindsay Brewer. First race is next weekend!
Now let's go have a night.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
My sex songs up to snuff or no? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.