NFL Network's Jane Slater Needs To Be On Your Radar, Kayla Simmons Sunbathes In Greece, Al Michaels Calls Out 'Doofuses' & Michael Lorenzen's Wife Steals Hearts
I closed on my new house today, now have exactly zero American dollars in the bank and doubled my cozy COVID interest rate. But guess what? None of that matters because we have NFL football games tonight leading into a full weekend of 'em. I'm here for it and so is NFL Network's Jane Slater, who I've recently discovered is an absolute pistol on Instagram.
Why OutKick wasn't all over Jane before is a swing-and-a-miss on our part, but Nightcaps is here to make amends.
No. 2 in pageviews (thanks, Screencaps) but No. 1 in your hearts.
Welcome to Thursday! We're almost to the end of the week, and business is picking up in the sports world. We have preseason football tonight, tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday. We have no-hitters being tossed in baseball, drivers being canceled in NASCAR, and an absolute bloodbath in the college football world.
RIP, Pac-12!
We'll hit on all of it, including Jane Slater AND Kayla Simmons -- the world's sexiest volleyballer -- along with a couple other nuggets I've saved for ya'll. Hell, maybe we'll even revisit Michael Lorenzen's no-no from last night because A) he's a stud, and B) his wife, Cassi, went viral because of it.
The internet is nothing if not predictable.
Enough stalling. The bell just rang. Class is in session.
Celebrate the return of NFL preseason with Jane Slater
As mentioned above -- we have NFL football tonight. Texans-Pats at 7, Vikings-Seahawks at 10, inexplicably.
CJ Stroud is obviously the main draw, and I'm interested to see what the young buck's got. Feel like all the talk has been around Bryce Young and Anthony Richardson, while nobody is giving Stroud a second thought.
Those guys usually turn out to be pretty damn good, if memory serves. Russell Wilson was an afterthought in 2012 -- and while he's intolerable now, he used to be pretty damn special. Hell, you can even toss Kirk Cousins in that category, too, along with someone named Patrick Mahomes.
Anyway, all that to say NFL Network's Jane Slater went viral last week when she crushed a tackling dummy, which immediately brought me to her Instagram page.
And, well, she's a pistol. Who knew? Welcome to Nightcaps, Jane!
Kayla Simmons catches some Greek rays
I'll be honest with you -- that didn't go as planned. For whatever reason, the Instagram embeds wouldn't load correctly, which forced me to strictly share pictures Jane was tagged in and/or tweets.
Not ideal, and I'm sure you guys will let us know about the persistent Instagram issue. We can always count on you for that.
That being said, I'd encourage everyone to give her the proper respect by clicking here and here.
Now, here's someone who's Instagram links I know for a fact work like a well-oiled machine ...
Ex-Marshall star Kayla Simmons, also known as the World's Sexiest Volleyballer. She's been on a bender this summer and appears to be BACK in Europe after briefly returning to the states.
Rough day! Power through, Kayla Simmons!
Al Michaels checks back in ahead of the 2023 season
No easy way to transition from sunbathing Kayla Simmons to 78-year-old Al Michaels, so we're just gonna go ahead and do it.
Al has been quiet for a few months now after a seasons-worth of sh--ting on crappy TNF games, but the football is back and so is everyone's favorite broadcaster.
Shockingly, Al is NOT a fan of the Baltimore Orioles suspending announcer Kevin Brown for literally stating a fact. And, as an added bonus, Al also brought back the word doofus, which I hadn't heard in a solid decade.
Tim Anderson dunked on, Ron Rivera tribute and offensive baby names
Goodness I can't wait until Al and Kirk are back in the booth in a few weeks. Some people like to dunk on Al Michaels now because he's older and they say he's mailed it in, but that's exactly why I love him even more.
You never know what the hell he's going to say and if the game we're all watching sucks, he's gonna tell us as much. That being said, this is the last call we heard from him and, I'll be honest with you, it could've been a little better.
Not your best, Al. Chin up. You'll get 'em back next month.
Now, let's rapid fire this bad boy so I can go meet my new neighbors -- Cousin Eddy Shitter's Full style.
Tim Anderson got knocked into next week a few days ago, and we're still piling on nearly a week later. This time, he caught a couple strays from out in Seattle.
Poor Tim. Just the absolute laughing stock of the league right now. Tough site. He's also suspended six games, too. Not sure there's a silver lining to be found on this one, Tim.
From the diamond back to the gridiron, where Ron Rivera has had one hell of a week. First, he basically threw new OC Eric Beiniemy under the bus by saying none of the players liked him, and then backtracked in classic fashion yesterday by saying JK!
Reminded me of this underrated Ron Rivera moment from a while back when he benched Cam Newton for one snap for not wearing a tie.
Worked out great!
Never forget when Ron Rivera fined Jack Del Rio a billion dollars because he spoke about Jan. 6 and then tried to tell everyone he was a free speech absolutist.
Okeedokee, Riverboat!
Bet he'd also be offended by these baby names:
Michael Lorenzen's wife, Cassi, was the real winner last night
Dixie, for one, carries racist roots — hence the name change of the Dixie Chicks to simply The Chicks.
“Dixie” referred to the states comprising the Confederacy during the Civil War.
Gunner — as well as Caliber, Cannon, Colt, Remington and Wesson, to name a few — might trigger controversy due to the ongoing debate over gun control.
Don't think that expert would like my neighborhood down here in the great, big, beautiful state of Florida. I've got about four Dixies in a 2-mile radius, and they're all sweet 80-year-old grandmas. I guess they're racist now. Sad.
Still, they make a mean vegetable soup.
Good to see neither Michael nor Cassi made the list, because both were stars last night. Michael Lorenzen threw a gem of a no-no for the Phillies with a pitch count (120+) not seen in a decade.
Meanwhile, his wife, Cassi, was an instant hit on social media because the broadcast kept showing her in the stands and it melted hearts of Americans across the nation.
Congrats to the Lorenzen clan!
See you Friday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Jane Slater the next Kay Adams? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.