NFL Films Are Lacking, Tiffani Thiessen Is Still A Playmaker, Patrick And Brittany Mahomes Disagree About Cheat Day And Cotton Eye Joe Serenades Tennis Match

Now that we’ve fully immersed ourselves in preseason, it’s time to address the NFL question that's gone unanswered all these years. Once we do that, we'll check in on veteran Tiffani Thiessen who's in no danger of being cut. And since we're hungry, we'll also grab a bite with Patrick Mahomes, but not Brittany.

(And Jackson's definitely not invited)

But first, I need to ask: Where’s the tapes!?

In this age or cell phone cameras, social media and NFL films recording every grunt, whimper and snot rocket unleashed upon the field turf, why are we still yet to see (or in one case, hear) video evidence of some notable NFL doings?

Why has the Teddy Bridgewater injury footage never been leaked? The injury was reportedly so gruesome that players were throwing up on the practice field and amputation was seriously considered.

We can buy the all-22 film, Antonio Brown can livestream from the postgame locker room, but the Bridgewater footage has remained under lock and key.

(Full disclosure: I'm not even sure I want to watch it. I just want to know how it's remained unearthed)

And where the hell is the infamous Dez Bryant tape? Remember when NFL Big J’s like Mike Florio and Adam Schefter (man, I hate lumping Schefty in with Florio) spent a large portion of the 2014-15 season and the months after talking about a Dez Bryant tape that apparently shows the former WR doing something he shouldn’t be doing? Said video is yet to surface nearly a decade after its mention gave PFT’s site enough clicks to keep funding Florio’s hair paint.

Finally, why haven’t we heard audio from the Thursday night game where Myles Garrett attempted to split Mason Rudolph’s skull with the QBs own helmet? Garrett’s stance has always been that Rudolph called him a racial slur that set him off. Rudolph denies it. Surely, video with sound would support at least one side of the story. There’s a bazillion different angles of the melee, NFL Films has more sound than Spotify, but somehow…the audio has never been leaked.

Myles Garrett previously took a (helmet) swing at quarterback Mason Rudolph. (Photo by Frank Jansky/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images).

Show your tapes! show your tapes! Show your tapes!

Now, that I got that off my chest, let's move on...

Tiffani Thiessen Still Brings It

She's nearing 50 but still looks like starter material. Part of the reason could be because she's "not giving a shit," anymore as she told the Good Instincts podcast, as relayed by Yahoo.

The approach appears to be working for the artist formerly known as Kelly Kapowski.

Thiessen further told the podcast, " I can only age the way I’m going to age, right?” Like a fine wine, if I must say so myself. Then again, I prefer my wine out of a box, so that's up for interpretation.

*If you think featuring Tiffani Thiessen in Nightcaps twice in three months will be a rarity, I've got news for you. Queen Tiffani will be a recurring guest in this space. If you don't like it, I surmise you're one of those pompous asses from Valley. Shame on you.

Tiffani Thiessen turns 50 in January. (Photo by Leon Bennett/Getty Images).

And since we're talking NFL football and 40-something starlets, let's quickly fire up the wayback machine and revisit the memorable 2004 Monday Night Football pregame promo featuring Terrell Owens and the Desperate Housewives - one of which (Eva Longoria) made an appearance in Tuesday's Screencaps, the big brother of Nightcaps.

Something like the video below could never air today. Instead of a polarizing receiver and a trio of hot girls, we're likely to get Target and Bud Light co-sponsoring a junior high drag show while briefly mentioning...Oh, by the way, the Lions are visiting the Chiefs!

Patrick Mahomes And Wife Brittany Can't Get It Right

There's really no smooth transition from Tiffani Thiessen to Patrick and Brittany Mahomes and the QBs favorite meal. But, I'm going to give it the old college try (Associate degree level effort, not Bachelors). Here goes...Kelly Kapowski worked at the Maxx and was regularly serving up Maxx burgers. Hungry yet? Good, because the Mahomeses are talking eats and Brittany apparently doesn't know her man as well as she thought she did.

(Not bad, amirite?)

Kansas City's most popular couple left Jackson Mahomes at home (thank God) and quizzed each other during an interview for GQ. Patrick asked his wife "What's my favorite cheat day meal?"

Brittany, who apparently is lacking in film study, didn't pick up on Patrick's technique and incorrectly guessed "fried chicken." And she said so with all the confidence of a Chiefs wideout knowing Mahomes is tasked with getting them the ball in open space.

"Friiieeed chicken" was quickly shot down by Mr. Mahomes. Brittany guessed again: "Chicken-fried steak and mashed potatoes."

Wrong again.

The correct answer, per Patrick, is: "Mexican."

Bet you Travis Kelce would've answered correctly. Just sayin...

And isn't it crazy that Brittany would get two swings and miss badly on both? Is the marriage on the rocks? Is a Brady-Gisele type split brewing in KC? Probably not. And I wish them well. But from a content standpoint, a little Mahomes marital unhappiness wouldn't be the worst thing for business.

Crazy stuff. Not quite as crazy as seemingly hundreds of thousands of golf ball-sized hail occupying a course, but still crazy...

Cotton Eye Joe Interrupts Jessica Pegula Match

A hail storm is an odd, but reasonable way to halt some golf. A hit '90s song putting a stop to a professional tennis match...not so much. But that's exactly what happened during a weekend match between 3rd-ranked Jessica Pegula and top-ranked Iga Swiatek. During the National Bank Open's semifinal round, Pegula and Swiatek had their match interrupted by an impromptu playing of "Cotton Eye Joe," over the stadium's PA system.

The quirky, yet-catchy Rednex song left everyone confused, including Pegula who posted the video to X - formerly known as Twitter- along with a caption reading: "I mean what the" along with a crying laughing emoji.

Not that there is ever an appropropriate time to play said song, but this particular rendition happened to drop mid-point. Not ideal.

Following the match, which Pegula won, the 29-year-old said the following of the musical mayhem:

"I mean, I just thought it was funny," Pegula said after the win. "I've never had that happen, let alone with 'Cotton Eye Joe.

"Of all the songs, it was like, what is going on?"

Ja'Marr Chase Names His Top Wide Receivers

Now that we got the golf and tennis out of our system, let's pump up the testosterone and shift our focus back to football (or Tiffani Thiessen). Cincinnati superstar WR Ja'Marr Chase listed his Mount Rushmore of receivers throughout NFL history earlier this week. And it's safe to say his list was better received than a mid-match playing of Cotton Eye Joe.

Chase's list, as told to Sports Illustrated's Robin Lundberg follows:

"I'm gonna do Calvin Johnson, got to get Antonio Brown in there," Chase quickly rattled off. "I gotta throw (Cooper) Kupp in there with the triple crown, and Jerry Rice."

You can poke some holes in that list, but that's pretty solid from Chase, even with the obvious recency bias. Quick, Mount Rushmore of current NFL WRs:

I'd tell you guys to chime in via email (anthony.farris@outkick.com) or X (@OhioAF) and tell me who I'm missing, but the list is perfect, so I don't anticipate any disagreement.

Nick Young Hoops In Jorts

In addition to being an elite receiver, Ja'Marr Chase was also a high school basketball standout. He's rumored to have been nearly as dominant on the hardwood as he was on the football field. And though I can't say for sure, I'm willing to bet Chase never hooped in a pair of jean shorts like former Laker Nick Young did at a recent USC alumni game.

During a scrimmage with current and former Trojans, Young took the court in a pair of shorts that only John Cena would feel comfortable performing in. Young was a jean shirt away from hooping in a Canadian tuxedo.

I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must've been. Nor could I imagine being a player and getting embarrassed by a guy in denim.

Oddly enough, the fashion faux pas is only the second-most embarrassing thing Nick Young's done on a basketball court.

More Where That Came From

Saved By The Bell reruns should be hitting TBS any minute now, so I've gotta run. Assuming I can avoid golf ball-sized hail, we'll do this again next Wednesday. Until then, enjoy the dessert!

Follow along on X-formerly known as Twitter: @OhioAF