Nectarines Continue To Be The Most Criminally Underrated Fruit On Earth And Anyone Who Disagrees Can Pound Sand

Comparing which fruit is better than other fruits is like comparing apples and oranges. I mean that in the idiomatic sense, not literally.

That said, it’s time we give nectarines their due: they're the most underrated fruit on the face of this blue and green rock we call Earth.

I walked into the grocery store and was greeted by a big pile of nectarines. I gasped, as an angelic glow emanated from the stack of stone fruit like the suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Next to it was a sign that read, “In Season.”

I excitedly grabbed my girlfriend’s arm and pointed to the nectarines. She politely asked me to stop making a scene, but it was too late, I was all in on celebrating the most underrated fruit in all of fruitdom.

The brilliant Mel Brooks and the late, great Carl Reiner gave a shoutout to the humble nectarine in The 2,000-Year-Old Man.

But in the last 50+ years since that shoutout, the nectarine hasn’t gotten the love it deserves.

As Brooks pointed out, the nectarine isn’t just delicious, it’s also a jaw-dropping display of biological engineering.

What do you get when you cross a peach with a plum? Fuzzless deliciousness. (Getty Images)

Nectarines Are A Miracle Of Science

I love a peach, but I hate that 5 o’clock shadow it has. Hate it. Peach fuzz is a stunning flaw in an otherwise solid piece of produce.

So, some brilliant human being — whose name I like to believe was something like Ted Nectarine, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't — realized that you could crossbreed a peach with its cousin, the plum.

Instead of this resulting in nome unholy crime against nature, the plum genes work like an old-timey straight razor. It shaves the fruity offspring completely smooth.

The result is the perfect eating fruit. No need to peel it or slice it, just dig in with those chompers of yours and take those tastebuds on a ride.

If you need further proof of the nectarine's unrivaled edibility, look no further than the lack of nectarine-flavored derivatives. They exist, but nectarine pies, crisps, and the like are few and far between.

That’s because the nectarine is a solo act. Some that as selfish, I see that as admirable.

It doesn’t need help from baked goods to shine, it essentially hops onstage with an acoustic guitar and kicks your ass for the three minutes that you’re eating it.

So, the next time you're looking for something that tastes like a peach but doesn't have a skin like 220-sandpaper, grab yourself a bag of nectarines.

(Bonus Reason Peaches Are Great: They kind of look like a pair of ass cheeks just like peaches do. That's always good for a few yuks.)

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