Montez Sweat Doesn’t Stink, Ryan Day Does, WWE Saliva For Sale & Howard Stern The (Almost) Movie Star
It’s way too cold in Ohio. We hit 19 on Tuesday morning and followed that up with a blustery Peyton Manning today. That means 18 degrees for those of you that aren't living in the past (like me) and remembering Manning's NFL digits. That's right, snow flurries are now as frequent as Michigan wins over Ryan Day. And I don’t like either one. I'd much prefer some heat so I can Montez Sweat through the heartbreak of Ryan Day ruining a third consecutive Thanksgiving weekend.
Yes, I said Montez Sweat - he of the Chicago Bears - for a reason. That dude’s doing something Day could never. Something I’m not sure anyone’s done. We’ll get Sweat-y in a minute. But before we do that, we'll visit the intersecting worlds of MMA and the WWE where a cauliflower ear is exploding and a licked piece of paper sold for more than a round trip plane ticket.
See, this is why we drink and don't eat during Nightcaps!
We're also going to make an Ohio State team (if you can call a band a team) respectable, in a way Ryan Day could only dream of.
- Can you tell I'm not a Day fan yet? -
And since we're drinking (it's not just me, right?) we'll save some ice for Maxx Crosby's knee and pour one out for Howard Stern's lost movie role. Can't that guy ever catch a break?
No, he can't catch anything these days because he's wearing a mask and not leaving his house. But I digress.
Where were we? Oh yeah, we're attempting to thaw out with the help of an overly active Chicago Bears defender.
Let's do this thing.
Montez Sweat May Have Had An NFL First On MNF
If you turned off Monday night's thriller of a game between the Bears and Vikings (12-10 Chicago), I certainly can't blame you. But if you stuck around (were you being tortured?), there's a chance you saw history and didn't know it.
A historically bad performance by Josh Dobbs (4 ints)? Nope, but almost.
It was the Bears' trade deadline acquisition, Montez Sweat, doing something oddly unique that I'm guessing hasn't previously been done - with the help of the above-mentioned Dobbs.
Sweat sacked Dobbs in the first half. No big deal, right? Until you consider that Sweat also sacked Dobbs earlier this year when Sweat was with the Commanders and Dobbs, the Cardinals. Could that have been the first time in NFL history that a player sacked the same person in two different games of the same season while each were playing for different teams during the initial sack?
Montez Sweat and Joshua Dobbs might have made history on Monday night. (Photo by Adam Bettcher/Getty Images).
Weird. I know.
And I'm sure there's some stat nerd out there that can debunk or verify if this was a first.
Even if it wasn't, this has to be an extreme rarity.
Regardless, thanks to Sweat (and Dobbs, unwillingly) for making at least one aspect of MNF entertaining.
Want To See An Ear Explode?
No easy way to transition from sacks to ears (there's an anatomy joke in there somewhere), but here we are. And I'm guessing you probably don't want to see an ear explode, but I can almost promise you're a little curious.
That's why you're here in Nightcaps. There's no box scores or hot takes here, just good old fashion fun. Which brings us to an MMA fighter, Vinicius Cruz, who spent the weekend in Russia having his cauliflower ear burst.
How's that for a vacation?
Cruz took an elbow from Edil Esengulov in the 4th round of an ACA welterweight bout and almost immediately witnessed his cauliflower ear explode.
Finish dinner, then watch for yourself in the video below:
Cruz wanted to continue fighting but a ringside doctor declared him unable to finish. This made Tyson's nibble of Holyfield's ear look subtle. I wouldn't continue fighting if I had a hangnail, let alone an ear that was spewing blood all over the canvas.
That's why I'm here, fighting the good fight, in sweatpants, behind a keyboard and a monitor and Cruz is spending his weekends in Russia.
To each their own!
Who's Hungry For A Paper Filled With WWE Saliva?
Since I'm all but certain you're hungry for more after seeing Cruz's misfortune, let's snack on some WWE saliva, shall we?
Last weekend, WWE Women’s World Champion Rhea Ripley autographed then licked an index card. The slimy index card was then put up for auction ahead of the 2023 Survivor Series Premium Live Event. What does an index card filled with the signature and saliva of a WWE Women's World Champ go for?
I'm glad you asked.
$580.
That's one pricey - and disgusting - piece of paper.
Rhea confirmed the lick in a reply on X, saying "I know my fans...You're welcome."
Ripley, by the way, has more than 3 million Instagram followers and another 970k on X. And at least one admirer willing to pay big bucks for a lick.
I don't pretend to be up to date on the current happenings from within the WWE, but I do know that back in my day, the only WWE saliva we'd be shelling out money for was a half-eaten Slim Jim that Macho Man couldn't quite finish.
Ryan Day Stinks, Ohio State Band Does Not
Speaking of licks, Ryan Day's been taking his, rightfully so. That game was days ago, but I'm still salty. $9 million per season and the guy stinks. Ohio State goes into all but maybe one game per season with more talent on their roster than the opposition. In the one game where the talent is close or better, Day consistently finds a way to crap down his leg.
Almost anyone can win against the cupcakes and lose to Michigan for a quarter of Day's salary.
Q: Who has two thumbs and stinks? A: Ryan Day. (Photo by Aaron J. Thornton/Getty Images).
That said, I'm not going to bore you with 800 words about Day being Captain Conservative and the only balls he owns coming by way of a Dick's Sporting Goods sale.
Though I'd love to.
Instead, I'm going to give you something from Ohio State that can be celebrated - the university's band, aptly named, "The Best Damn Band In The Land."
I know college bands - at least the marching variety - rarely generate much interest. When the band comes on the field, the bathroom lines increase and most of us pull crinkled $20 bills from our pocket for an additional tray of nachos. But, the OSU band is plenty worthy of keeping you in your seat. In fact, it's shocking what they're able to do on the field.
See for yourself. It's most definitely worth the watch. I wouldn't lie to you. I only lie to my bookie and my doctor, when he asks how many drinks I consume each week.
Take notes, Ryan Day!
Maxx Crosby Could Use Some Ice, Or A New Knee
From The Best Damn Band In The Land to (one of) The Best Damn Defensive Ends In The NFL we go. We're talking Raiders' Maxx Crosby and his unbelievably swollen knee. Crosby was listed as doubtful for last weekend's game with a knee injury. And that was anything but a lie.
On Monday, Crosby showed a picture of his left knee, which ballooned to nearly double the size of his right knee.
He shared both the image and the reason for his knee's swelling on his The Rush With Maxx Crosby podcast. "Had some fluid build up," said Crosby. "The shit was blown up like a balloon." Crosby went on to say: "...I was literally bedridden. I felt like I was dying."
And it's easy to see why...
Crosby ended up with an infection because his knee (obviously) had fluid within it, and the fluid contained bacteria. Sounds pleasant.
A trip to the hospital got things as back to as normal as possible and Crosby not only played Sunday, but recorded a sack.
Exploding cauliflower ear or about to explode left knee. Which one's worse? Let me know your thoughts and why: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on X, @OhioAF.
Speaking Of Tough Guys, How About Howard Stern...
If Howard Stern had a swollen knee, cauliflower ear or, hell, even a cold, he'd push to lockdown the entire states of New York and Florida (where he owns homes), and toss he and his wife into hazmat suits.
But Howard is making news and it's not because of any injury or a new, unhinged COVID take.
The man who famously portrayed himself in Private Parts and also starred as Fart Man, nearly had a more recent role on the big screen, courtesy of friend and actor Bradley Cooper.
Stern had an offer for a role in the Oscar-winning 2018 film A Star Is Born, but ultimately decided against it.
Great movie by the way.
He and Cooper discussed the offer earlier this week when Cooper was a guest on The Howard Stern Show. Stern said he would've played Cooper's brother in the film and was surprised by the initial offer. “I went, ‘whoa! You must think I’m a lot better looking than’… they’re gonna be like… what is this movie gonna be like Twins?’ I’m Danny DeVito and he’s Arnold Schwarzenegger," Stern told listeners on Monday.
The radio host went on to say that he seriously contemplated the role and shaving his head for the part. “I said I’m going to go full-on into it. I’m gonna shave my head, I’m gonna change my whole look,” Stern added.
Howard Stern was ready to shave it all off for a movie role. (Photo by Gilbert Carrasquillo/GC Images).
Stern was intrigued but ultimately admitted he was "just nervous about maybe making a fool out of myself.”
As anyone who's listened to Stern over the last decade can attest, he's already done that.
It's a shame too. Howard is the best interviewer of all-time, a true legend. But he's gone soft. Even his show has had comments disabled on their X - formerly Twitter - account for years, fearing the backlash from fans of yet another Jimmy Kimmel or Chelsea Handler interview.
But man, it would've been great to see Lady Gaga and Fart Man sharing the big screen.
Baba Booey! To The Other Nightcapers
I don't have Stern's money, hair or airwaves, but much like the King of All Media, I too, can promote. Which is what I'm about to do. Right here, before your very eyes!
As I'm sure you know, Nightcaps is composed of a trio. Some, not many, would refer to Zach Dean, Amber Harding and myself as The Big Three.
If the shoe fits...
Anyways, aside from Nightcaps, both Zach and Amber do some incredible original things each week and they most certainly deserve your attention. So allow me to remind you that in addition to constantly shitting on my Cleveland Browns (really, I can't blame him) in his power rankings and writing countless other articles, Zach releases Monday Morning Pit-Stop (MMPS) every...you guessed it, Monday!
It's incredible and you can check those out here.
The next NASCAR race I watch will be the first, but I never miss MMPS. Incredible content. Zach's ahead of the game on NASCAR WAGs - and the race stuff too (hell if I know!). Give it a read and then join me in becoming a Samantha Busch fan.
As for the author of Tuesday editions of Nightcaps, Amber, she too does plenty of great work. And just last week, her Womansplaining column dropped. And it did not disappoint. Moving forward, Amber will send this column into the interwebs each Friday for your consumption.
It's much more appetizing than WWE saliva, I promise.
Amber likes to drink, isn't interested in your colored Christmas lights and appreciates South Park as much or more than anyone I know.
So come Friday, put the giant ice cube in the rocks glass, get out the good stuff and sip your way through Womansplaining. Who knows, you might learn something!
Now That We've Warmed Up, Time To Go!
As of this writing, we're now up to a balmy 28 degrees in Ohio. Consider it a heat wave, but nowhere near as hot (hopefully) as Ryan Day's seat in Columbus! That said, it's time to punch the clock and throw some logs on the fire. We'll do it again next week.
Hit the lights on your way out!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF