MLB Wife Dons Miss USA Bikini, College Football 'Super League' Is Coming & Used Caitlin Clark Chair For Sale
Days like today are when I miss ex-Nightcaps teacher Anthony Farris the most.
Anthony and I have a ton in common. We're both miserable NFL fans (Browns, Dolphins), pretty grumpy by nature, are mesmerized by just how far Britney Spears has fallen, and love old-school sports uniforms.
Above all, though, we both show the proper respect to The King of Queens – arguably the greatest late-90s/early-2000s sitcom of all time. I put it above Seinfeld, which will certainly get me some hate mail, but whatever.
Arthur Spooner > Frank Costanza. There. I said it.
Anyway, I say that because the First Lady and I are off to Daytona tonight to see Kevin James' standup show. That's right! Doug Heffernan is still, inexplicably, doing standup in 2024.
Unreal. Imagine my surprise when I came across that little factoid back in December and quickly scooped up a pair of tickets for the First Lady for Christmas. How lucky is SHE?
So, on that note, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where we actually wear some (IPS) pants, unlike Yankees wife Ashley Rodon, and cobble together a quick lesson plan before I spend the evening with Doug Heffernan.
Yes, we'll check in with Carlos' wife today, because she deserves some shine after a big win yesterday. She's also going back to her Miss USA roots, which is worth rooting for.
What else?
There's a new college football super league proposal on the table that has me feeling things, so we'll examine it today, and then we'll give some pretty obvious marketing advice to a couple of auctioneers in possession of a used Caitlin Clark chair.
That's enough for now. I reckon we'll find something else to discuss before the final bell, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Grab a Queen cocktail – that would be a martini with pineapple and lemon juice, for those who don't know – and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!
Feel like the sellers missed a pretty easy Caitlin Clark opportunity here
Oh, you came to Nightcaps because you were sick of all the Caitlin Clark talk lately? Well, too bad!
Look, I get it. Believe me, I get it. But we don't control the news, we just report on it. And if a Google Algo likes a name, we keep throwing it out there until they tell us otherwise.
But hey! This is actually a funny one! I promise. It's not too deep, I swear …
I saw this on Karen Rovell's account late yesterday and immediately had to investigate:
So, a couple things …
For starters, that bid is now up to $301 as of Thursday afternoon. The second chair being auctioned off, which Caitlin apparently planted herself in with 1:27 left in the 2nd quarter, is up to $256.
Seems a bit excessive to me, but whatever. If you want to spend that sort of money just to own a chair Caitlin Clark sat on for 30 seconds, knock yourself out. It's probably one of the cheaper things in Joe's crappy economy.
The real problem here? Um, how about using Caitlin's name? I know, I know – they probably can't because of some stupid college/NIL rule. That's GOTTA be it, right?
If not … if the dummies/weirdos over at Realest.com chose to just market this chair as "Iowa WBB #22" instead of saying "Caitlin Clark," they're truly dumber than anyone still left on the Bud Light marketing team.
PS: how creepy will the person be who actually buys this thing? That's Stalker 101 stuff. Textbook.
Yankees pitcher Carlos Rondon's wife had a big game in Arizona
That's funny. Weird, but funny. You know the rules are here – funny is funny. We don't discriminate.
Enjoy your new chair(s), Darren!
Now, let's head to the diamond, where Carlos Rodon and the Yankees had a big win over the D-Backs yesterday in Arizona. It was actually a pretty good ballgame for early April, especially for us live bettors who jumped on the Yanks when it was tied 2-2.
Speaking of that … for those looking to make a quick buck, I'd suggest fading the Miami Marlins every chance you get. They're 0-7 (!!!), give up a billion runs a game, and are currently putting Burger King out of business down in South Florida:
Hilarious. Pathetic, but hilarious. I, like Anthony, only root for the Marlins on home Friday nights when it's throwback night. The old Marlins uniforms? Elite. The new ones? Disgusting.
Neither, by the way, holds a candle to Ashley Rodon's uni before Carlos' big start yesterday:
How do we feel about this new college football super league?
Welcome to class, Ashley! Where in the world have you been? I know I'm a Sox fan, so I get it, but don't be shy. Like I said, we don't discriminate around here.
Yanks fan, Sox fan, pants, no pants – doesn't matter! It's a safe – and sane – space. Good luck getting back into the Miss USA universe. Show ‘em what you’re made of!
Now, speaking of sane – or insane, depending on how y'all feel – how are we feeling about this new super college football league proposal?
So, here are the nuts and bolts … from The Athletic:
The perpetual members would be in seven 10-team divisions, joined by an eighth division of teams that would be promoted from the second tier.
The 50-plus second-division teams would have the opportunity to compete their way into the upper division, creating a promotion system similar to the structure in European football leagues. The 70 permanent teams would never be in danger of moving down, while the second division would have the incentive of promotion and relegation.
The playoffs would not require a selection committee, as the eight division winners and eight wild cards from the top tier would go to the postseason. The wild-card spots would be determined by record and tiebreakers, much like the NFL.
NFL Network gutting, Spirit meltdown & reader mail!
I mean, that's never going to happen, but I think I may be in? I dunno. To be honest, I just want to watch college football on Saturdays from noon to midnight.
I don't care who's playing who, how they're playing, where they're playing, or what division they're in.
I sort of like the relegation idea, but I also hate soccer and don't want to ever give them credit for anything, so screw that!
Football > futbol. We're Americans. Act like it.
Rapid-fire time so I can go watch Kevin James perfectly execute some sort of physical comedy bit.
First up? To the sky we go!
My goodness. I didn't think people like that actually existed. Even for Spirit Airlines, that's a bit much.
Unreal facial expressions. How does her neck bend like that? It's gotta be so painful. She really digs deep with the George Floyd references at the end, too. Didn't see that coming.
PS: how about the guy Facetiming his buddy during this? You know you're boys with someone if you're the one they call just to show you this. Best man stuff.
Next? I'd like to pour one out for a couple fine talents over at the NFL Network who got foolishly fired earlier today.
I don't really get how a league worth billions of dollars needs to downsize their own network, and I really don't get how they chose these four – specifically Andrew Siciliano – to be the sacrificial lambs:
Melissa Stark will be fine because she's still on the sidelines for Sunday Night Football, so she's set. James Palmer, I assume, will land somewhere pretty quick.
Will Selva was always on borrowed time because how long can you just pop in and out of Good Morning Football doing updates once an hour before they realize you're probably replaceable?
But the Andy Siciliano one? I don't get that one. He was pretty damn versatile on that network and, while he wasn't better than Scott Hanson, he was excellent during his rival Red Zone stint.
Not really sure where he ends up, but he's welcome to navigate Nightcaps any time he'd like!
Finally, let's check the mail on the way out! This one's fresh, and comes courtesy of Keith in response to my Mount Rushmore of sub places from yesterday.
Here is it, for those who skipped our hump day class –
- Firehouse
- Pub Sub
- Quiznos
- WaWa
Dude, what's wrong with you? No one eats those subs anymore. There's like 8 Quiznos left on the planet. Seriously, you could get sued for giving that kind of bad advice. Ever hear of Jersey Mike's? #55 - Big Kahuna Chicken Cheese Steak. Yeah Baby! You can thank me later.
I'm gonna tell you guys the same thing I told Jersey Keith …
Quiznos being obsolete makes it even more appealing. There's one left in Florida – somewhere in Jacksonville – and I think about it every single time I drive through that miserable place. Retro is always, always, always better.
I’d also choose blockbuster express over Netflix if that was at all an option. True story.
Speaking of Mount Rushmores … since everyone loved that one so much, here's another one that'll have you looking for your pitchforks tonight.
- Friends
- King of Queens
- Seinfeld
- Family Matters
I'd also accept Everybody Loves Raymond. Carl Winslow and Ray Barone can duke it out for the final spot.
See you tomorrow.
Take us home, Leah Remini!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is King of Queens better than Seinfeld and why is the answer yes? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.