Miss USA Of College Football, CBS Hates The SEC, Heidi Klum Names Her Boobs & Al Michaels Is A Wild Card
Nope. Seems like you all are pretty set on Graham Mertz's current girlfriend, and you should be. And hey! She even made an appearance in my latest power rankings. Win-win! Unless you're the one guy who absolutely hates them. Then it's lose-win. Sorry.
Obviously, we have a ton to discuss today, so much so that we're gonna have to check the mail for a second day in a row. Hate mail is still good mail, right? There is no such thing as bad pub!
We're obviously gonna wish Alexis Loomans good luck as the current Miss Wisconsin -- and college football WAG of Florida QB Graham Mertz -- travels to Reno for the Miss USA competition. Huge week ahead for the rising star.
We'll talk power rankings and Al Michaels, who has completely stopped giving a you-know-what this season. I love it. Some hate it. You can see for yourselves.
CBS made a WILD broadcasting decision with it's college football slate on Saturday. You wanna talk about mailing it in? They have clearly moved on from the SEC with the Big Ten deal looming.
Heidi Klum has named her breasts, which frankly isn't that stunning seeing as she's the most naked person in the history of naked people. We'll dive in.
We can do a little gambling, too -- hey, I cashed my Niners ticket last night! We're BACK, baby.
OK, that's enough for now. Let's get to going. It's a Friday, we have things to do and drinks to hammer. Class is in session.
My NFL Power Ranking Tiers have divided the internet
Before we get to Miss USA, we have to listen to the people. As the woke Washington Post hilariously says, democracy dies in darkness.
My Week 3 NFL Power Rankings dropped yesterday and they had the people talking. Let's dive in.
Also from Pittsburgh Bob:
Enjoy your stuff. A totally different take on power rankings, which is mostly BS anyway. You do realize that there is a NFL team from Pittsburgh, don't you? I know they kind of suck this year, but they have been MIA in the past two rankings.
Regards,
Bob
A crotchety retiree in TN who grew up in Pittsburgh during the Steelers glory years. Four Super Bowl victories in six years. We were so spoiled.
Absolute whirlwind. Bullets flying, haymakers thrown, and chaos in the OutKick streets.
First, Bob is right. I messed up. I juggle so many teams and people and things (as STKR angrily noted) that I sometimes forget to add the ones I move, which is what happened to the Steelers. For what it's worth, I've gone back in and added them to the Circuit City tier.
Secondly, it's cool if you don't like them. I said at the beginning if you wanted the normal 1-32 rankings, there are quite literally two dozen websites that produce the same thing every single week. I won't be offended, I promise.
I'll tinker them a little though, because I want to a Man of the People. You guys deserve that much. Perhaps I got a little to cutesy with the number of teams this week. I can adjust. It's only Week 3, you know. Plenty of time to iron out the kinks.
Just kidding! I'm adding MORE next week! My show. Never bend the knee.
Miss Wisconsin Alexis Loomans looks to be Miss USA of college football
Didn't see that twist coming, did you? I'm kidding (kind of). I'll see what I can do.
Let's try to get back on track and in a good mood with Graham Mertz's girlfriend, Alexis Loomans. She went viral last week as the Gators were putting a beatdown on Tennessee, for obvious reasons. When you're the starting QB at Florida and also dating Miss Wisconsin, people are gonna talk.
That's Internet 101.
Anyway, looks like Loomans won't be in Gainesville Saturday for Mertz's game against Charlotte. Instead, she's off to Reno for the 72nd Miss USA pageant. This time next week, if Loomans plays her cards right, she could be crowned the next Miss USA.
Enormous opportunity here for our girl. I'm on pins and needles and I don't even have a dog in the fight. If all goes well, we could have a serious College Football Power Couple on our hands by Halloween.
Strap in.
SEC on CBS is dead
Mertz and the Gators, by the way, are a 4-touchdown favorite tomorrow. Nope. Classic letdown vibes coming from that one.
Also, according to DraftKings, 75% of bets right now are coming in on the Colorado moneyline (+625) against Oregon. Seventy-five percent! Maybe it's not a bad little sprinkle.
I mean, I don't think the Buffs are winning that game, especially without Travis Hunter, but if I can put $20 on it and win $145 on a whim, I'm game.
Fine -- let's get rich!
David Hookstead said to bet the over (54.5) on Wisconsin-Purdue tonight, so I'll do that. FSU is only favored by two in Clemson? Give me that bad boy. Also, give me Notre Dame +3 over Ohio State. That seems way off. Sam Hartman wears his own rib around his neck. Psycho stuff.
Now, I'm probably staying away from Alabama-Ole Miss. Everyone is on the Rebels, which means Saban's about to hang 70 on them.
You know who's out on that game, too? Gary Danielson. Gary Danielson!
CBS' top Saturday team -- Nessler and Gary -- are calling the Iowa-Penn State game at 7:30. Excuse me?
More mail and F--k Ohio!
It's disgusting, frankly. This whole Big Ten on CBS crap is the worst. I hate it. And I don't wanna hear it, Bama fans. I know ya'll don't like Gary Danielson, but whatever.
First, college football fans lost Verne Lundquist and now we're losing the SEC on CBS. It doesn't start until next year officially, but for CBS to send its top team to IOWA-PENN STATE over Ole Miss-Alabama is a crime against humanity.
They don't deserve that song. It's ours and now it's gone.
F--K Ohio!
Electric. Grow up, ESPN. We're all big boys, we can listen to the F-word and not collapse. We'll be OK, I promise.
Seriously. If you're gonna hire McAfee, hire Pat Damn McAfee. Not this watered down crap.
Whew. What a rant.
Mail time!
From Brent:
I think about the Roman Empire at least once a week. And not just as a comparison to our empire, but that it had two Capitols, west and east. The five great consecutive emperors, culminating with Aurelius, also enters my mind often. Also, Rome is where the great slave rebellion, led by Spartacus, took place. He stole gladiatorial equipment and defeated standing Roman military legions. So much to ponder.
Thanks, Brent!
That was in response to my Roman Empire question in last Friday's Nightcaps. I was confused about this whole trend going around right now where women (and me, apparently) are just now realizing all guys think about the roman empire on a weekly basis.
Frankly, I'm still confused about it. It's been a week since I wrote that blog and I haven't thought about it since.
A lot to ponder, though, as Brent said. Maybe I'll dive in this weekend.
"It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." - Aurelius
From Keith, also in response to last Friday's post about one of the last K-Marts in the world being in Binghamton, NY:
Binghamton is where Mike McD and Worm went for that Municipal workers’ game. Mike should have played them Kings.
... And the Burger King Double Cheeseburger is #1.
Heidi Klum's boobs and Al Michaels, oh my!
Bet you didn't see a Rounders scene coming today, did you? That's why Friday Nightcaps are the Wild, Wild, West -- as you can see by the above title.
Let's wrap this thing up so we can go check out the rest of the Miss USA roster.
I think we'll start with Gunslinger Al and end with naked Heidi and maybe one more WAG.
Al Michaels, 78, stopped caring what people think long, long ago, and it's been a pleasure to watch. So far this season, he's been at his absolute best and we're only two games in.
Shots at Santa Clara, sex talk, Veterans Stadium cameo and the wrong number of Super Bowls for the 49ers. What a damn start to the season for Al Michaels.
Some are annoyed by him at this point in his career, but I can't get enough. It's like I said about Lee Corso making an inadvertent sex joke on College GameDay last week -- when you're old, nobody cares. You can get away with anything.
It's the perfect role for Al. He wears as much of a filter as Heidi Klum does clothes!
Take us home, Lauren Tovy
From the NY Post:
“I’m super comfortable naked today. To the point where my kids are like, ‘Mom, I have a friend coming over,'” Klum, 50, told the magazine.
“As soon as someone is coming, I put my top on,” she shared. “But if no one is there, sun’s out, bums out. I just don’t like tan lines because I wear so many different outfits. I don’t want to have straps anywhere from tan lines. It’s very strategic.”
“When I do AGT, most of the time I sit behind a desk, so it’s really from the waist up. So I look for something that is of interest around here. And usually, I like to have Hans and Franz on a good display,” she said, referring to her breasts.
Hans and Franz!
And on that busty note, I'll leave you with Lauren Tovy on the way out. Lauren is the longtime girlfriend of Wisconsin QB Tanner Mordecai.
Badgers and Purdue kick off here in a few hours, so let's start the weekend off right.
See you Monday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Alexis Loomans a worthy Miss USA for College Football? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.