Miami Beach Announces Insane Spring Break Rules

Miami Beach is declaring war on spring break.

The state of Florida and the island city right next to Miami are incredibly popular destinations for people looking for a little rest and relaxation.

The weather is great, there are plenty of beaches to hang out at, the bar scene is fun and it's easy to have a fired up time. Unfortunately, some people take it too far, cause problems, break the law, get too drunk and Miami Beach is now dropping the hammer.

The city tweeted a video announcing it's breaking up with spring break, but the real issue for people will be the incredibly strict rules.

Miami Beach goes to war with spring break.

Below are a list of some rules Miami Beach will have for people looking to cut it up and party:

• The beach bans smoking cigarettes or filtered tobacco products, consumption of alcohol, narcotics and marijuana (this one makes sense), large tents, tables or similar structures, loud music, large coolers (an absolute joke), glass containers, and styrofoam and plastic straws aren't allowed.
• Curfews
• Security bag checks for beach access
• DUI checkpoints (again, makes sense).
• Parking garages and lots will be closed.
• Non-Miami Beach residents will have flat parking rate fees that start at $30 and can go as high as $100 for parts of the city.
• Towing fees for non-resident exceed $500.
• Short-term rentals like VRBO and Airbnb are banned in Miami Beach and fines start at $1,000 a day.

There are also regular laws and rules when it comes to drugs, violence, driving drunk and things of that nature that are illegal everywhere. No problem with that. You can't have violence unfolding like it's "Black Hawk Down."

However, some of these rules are insane. No large coolers? That's the most anti-freedom stance I've ever seen when it comes to spring break. It sounds like it's coming straight out of Stalin's communist mouth.

What is the point of having an Orca, Yeti, Canyon (the best option) or any other rotomolded cooler if you can't use it on spring break? Are people supposed to use small trash coolers that don't hold ice for more than a couple hours? This is Florida. It's hot. You need a cooler than can put in work.

The people running Miami Beach must hate everything about the picture below. Just a man with an Orca cooler full of cold beer enjoying some freedom.

Orca Cooler. (Credit: David Hookstead)

Everyone can agree that it's important to be safe. Nobody wants anyone to get hurt or for violence and drugs to flood the streets of Miami Beach or any other city. However, this is just a bridge too far. Adults now have curfews? Is this America or North Korea?

Adding big coolers, tents and loud music to the list of what's banned at the beach is a complete joke. You can have my coolers when you pry them from my cold dead hands.

A look at my badass RTIC 30 cooler that likely wouldn't be allowed at spring break in Miami Beach. (Credit: David Hookstead)

I didn't expect to spend today fighting for your right to have a Yeti on the beach, but here we are. We rarely pick our wars. They often pick us. Miami Beach can dial it back while keeping everyone safe. Let me know what you think of the rules at David.Hookstead@outkick.com.