Mexican Weather Girl Martha Briano Is A Certified Star, Indecent NFL Fantasy Football Trade Proposal & Save Your Cereal Boxes
I woke up to the text group having a conversation about plantar fasciitis
Weeks ago, I started receiving all sorts of emails about guys needing lights on their toilets because they were up taking leaks at 3:30 a.m. on the dot. Then I had to hear about Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green losing to Mayor Pete Buttigieg at the Michigan Ironman because he had to take an emergency mid-race dump.
True story. I did the math on his race time vs. the dump time he reported to the group.
Trust me, I'm not going to let him forget it.
Now the text group is having a deep conversation about foot pain and plantar fasciitis flaring up.
I demand a refund. I wasn't warned this is what the conversations would be like as the years start to pile up.
I never heard my father say a thing about his feet flaring up as he was strapping on the boots for another day of running a backhoe. My World War II grandfather never said anything, while watching the TV weather radar channel on loop, about how in the future there would be this social media app called Instagram that would be using AI to listen in on my text group conversations and then would start delivering plantar fasciitis ads at an alarming rate.
Now I'm starting to hear about all these issues from my contemporaries -- and Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green who's pretty much in his mid-40s based on the physicalities he's forced to overcome to complete Ironmans (the guy must eat too many vegan Bobo's Oat Bites and it's causing all these emergency dumps...SMH) -- and I'm starting to worry about what it's going to sound like while sitting around the pool down the road in the Florida retirement trailer parks.
It's starting to feel like someone in the text group needs to have a mid-life crisis where they pull the trigger on an emotional purchase to change the conversation away from foot pain.
Stay tuned.
Speaking of injuries and a #TeamMoon shot
• John in Milford, MI writes:
My rottie hurt her shoulder so her activity is limited. Have to walk her on a leash to keep her from running until she heals up. Just discovered iPhone night mode during halftime of the Titans-Steelers game while strolling through the backyard.
Kinsey:
I'd much rather hear about John's pup getting better than a bunch of 40-somethings and their foot pain. Thanks for changing the conversation, John.
I heard this Screencaps Confession more than once
• Back9Bob writes:
I didn't watch one pitch of the just-completed World Series. And I am a baseball fan but...no interest in those two teams!!!
Confession time!
• Gerard W. says:
I love my battery operated chain saw…..
Read this Screencaps Confession!
• Jonathan R. confesses:
Joe, a lot to unpack here but I’ll try to make it quick since I know you’re a busy man! #1 Two weekends ago some friends of ours threw my wife and me a “football party” (aka baby’s couple shower).
# 2 Baby is due January 18th so really had no choice but for it to be in the fall. However, we did pick a weekend with the weakest college football slate..so that should count for something, right?? Both sets of parents came in for the football party and stayed at our house. After arriving back home that night from said party, the inebriated dads and I decided it would be nice to build a fire inside since it had finally cooled off down here in south Texas.
Well, you can’t have a fire, drink whiskey and not have music.. So here’s where #3 transpired. As I staggered towards my record player I thought “Man, it almost feels like Christmas with a fire, family in the living room, good whisky and opening gifts.”
Then it happened. As I dug to the back of my record collection is said, “Yep, there it is.”
I pulled the vinyl out, set it on the player and all of a sudden Mr. Alan Jackson said to us “Let it be Christmas, everywhere.”
My mother-in-law turns to me and says “OMG, is that Christmas music?” With a smile on my face I took a big swig from my LSU tumbler and said “Yes it is mother in law, Yes. It. Is.”
Date was October 28th.
Thank for listening to me, Joe. Come to think of it, might do it all over again this weekend just because I can haha. Have a good weekend bud, thanks for the daily content!
Talking to kids after their school day
• Gary from Grand Junction, CO says:
When I was a newbie dad, picking up my son from school, I would ask the age old question "How was your day?". Normally the reply was the equally age old answer "fine". Any attempts to extract more information was usually met with single syllable responses. "What did you learn today?" was also ineffective.
For whatever reason, it occurred to me one day to make a game out of my information mining. I would ask my son "What were the two most interesting things that happened today?" He would reflect on his day and offer up two incidents that occurred that day. I would then judge them and declare one of those things "The Most Interesting Thing That Happened Today!".
This method resulted in much more lively conversations on the ride home (or at home later if I wasn't on pick up duty), often times he'd recall humorous things, leaving us both laughing. On more than a few occasions, the answers would bring up things that were teachable moments that we discussed and explored what might have happened if things were handled differently.
Added bonus: it kept him more engaged and observant of the world around him so he wouldn't accidentally miss one of the most interesting things of the day.
I used this little game to great effect with him, my second son, and my third son who is the only one left in the school phase of his life (a bittersweet fact for me).
If sharing this tactic opens up lines of communication between a kiddo and their parents, I'll consider it a small contribution to the world.
How do you feel when teams that moved from your city win championships?
• Chris in MD says:
I'm very happy to see the old Washington Senators win their first World Series. I attended the last Senators game in 1971 at RFK Stadium, and mourned the loss of my hometown baseball team. Eventually I became an Orioles fan for a variety of reasons, but kept the Senators/Rangers in my field of vision. It's somewhat fitting that Frank Howard, the Senators' gentle giant who could hit the ball harder than anyone in the history of baseball (per Ted Williams, who managed Hondo for one season), passed away during this World Series. Also fitting that Texas won all their road games during the playoffs, since they have been on the road from Washington DC since 1971.
My question: How do people who rooted for teams that have left for other cities feel when those teams have future success?
How did the Expos fans feel when the Washington Nationals won the World Series in 2019? Or Browns fans when the Ravens won the Super Bowl (wait, never mind, I KNOW how those fans felt!)? Just curious. I'll bet it runs the gamut from "That's nice" to "Eff those effers!".
'Best Columns Ever'
I didn't even have to say it this morning.
• Galen in Johnson City, Tennessee writes:
Joe, you and the Screencaps Nation are on an absolute heater right now due to the varied content that is touching every nerve with the greatest sane internet community ever assembled...and growing. Brothers and sisters, spread the Gospel of SC!! Some observations from recent SCs:
1. Chris in Tn is like a lot of us in the Volunteer State because "do hard things" is a way of life bred into us.
2. Michael R wants ESPN to "get the facts straight," good luck with that and I feel ya, bruh.
3. Guy G featured the Stand Up Blower...TNML New Machine of the Year!
4. Pizza debate in East Tennessee is not a debate at all. Gregg's Volcano Pizza is a 50+ year hands down winner.
5. Amazing, but Tiger walking down a flight of stairs still moves the needle.
6. Hans in AZ observed that teens were oblivious to human interaction. ADULTS, as well as teens, seem to have lost the ability to sit across from each other for a meal as observed last night. A middle aged couple sat next to me at the bar and had drinks and a meal. She was on the phone the entire meal while he scrolled his phone. Sad, indeed.
7. Patio SZN is over in East Tennessee and I have covered my plants from the first frost/freeze. Gonna attempt to overwinter my Kimberly Queen Ferns, Herb Garden, and propagate some others. ScreenCappers got any websites, advice, to help out?
8. Lastly, my favorite sunset photo from my semi-retirement in Destin, FL. Sunset over the Gulf is spectacular, especially with a waxing crescent moon above.
Thanks, Joe, for a community of Americans that love and appreciate the rewards of hard work and the simple things of daily life that we sometimes overlook until a fellow SCapper calls our attention to it.
#TeamSunset
• Tyler in Katy, Texas reports:
Fall ball finished in style.
• Tom from Florida writes:
Sunset in MALTA
#TeamSunrise and the joy of finding Christmas spice drops
• Shawn R. says:
My contribution to the sunrise/sunset debate is Thursday morning sunrise 1st hole RTJ Capitol Hill Judge in Prattville, AL. My opinion is where you fall on the sunrise/sunset debate is where you are from. I grew up on the Atlantic side of Florida, so you have the sunrises, sunsets were obscured. In Hellabama, the sunrise over the first tee is great, sunset is hidden.
While I respect the Christmas timeline, my only Xmas pleasure are the Spice Drops. The last few years, it has been pulling teeth trying to find them, to the point, they were never found last year. Last week, without even thinking about it, my mom found these at a Hobby Lobby and bought four tubs for this year. But no other Christmas stuff will be done until Thanksgiving weekend.
Kinsey:
Shawn R. gets it. There aren't many better settings in life as you stand there -- without foot pain...SMH! -- as you look out over a golf course with the sun rising. Dizziness kicks in because you were up late night with the boys -- not talking about foot pain! -- crushing beers and talking about past golf glory.
Now I want to golf!
• Allen from League City writes:
I know the TNML season is officially over but in South Texas we mow year-round. Last Wed – Fri I was in Louisiana doing my part to control the redfish and speckled trout populations. Hopefully, Daryl is proud of me “for doing hard things”.
I am still on team sunrise (the picture is from the marsh in Lake Calcasieu).
I am self-reporting a TNML violation. The population control caused me to mow on Sunday. Good news is the Chiefs didn’t play until 3:25! Thanks for the column and the community you have built.
• New emailer William C. reports:
Definitely a sunset guy. Sunset on Hilton Head Island
Kinsey:
Great debut, William C. You're more than welcome to send more emails.
#TeamSunrise AND #TeamSunset
• Gregg G. in Columbus, OH reports:
As always, great column….and I don’t even skip ahead to check out the hot women before reading your text. Well, not always, anyway.
I’ve generally preferred sunset, but not because I don’t like the sunrise; I just like sunset a little bit better for some reason.
To add to the photo pile, here’s one at sunset from Wrightsville Beach, NC last week.
Keep up the great work. Aside from coffee and breakfast, Screencaps is the one indispensable thing in my mornings.
#TeamMoon
• Nick C. in Miami, FL writes:
I'm loving the sunrise/sunset photos being submitted. Regardless of the physical location the views are a sight to behold.
In college, I took an astronomy class an it opened my eyes to the beauty of the night sky. Attached are two pictures a full moon (and I believe Jupiter on the top right) rising over St Augustine, FL.
Those end-of-the-year mows
• Proud TNMLer Nick in Caledonia, OH writes:
I don't know whether this qualifies as TNML email or a Do Hard Things. But I had to suck it up, put on the Carhartts and do a last mow of the season tonight.I will let the commissioner decide.
40 degrees out in central Ohio at the start. My wife took the pic and sent it to my daughter in Kentucky and she captioned it without me knowing. The whole family has bought into the greatest mowing league in the world.
Thanks for all you do for the #1 daily column on the Internet.
Kinsey:
In fact, there are multiple fist pumps in this email. First, we'll start with Nick remembering to call this the #1 daily column on the Internet. That's great for SEO and for future contract negotiations.
Second, I just love to hear things like the entire family joining in the joy that Nick has found from this mowing league. They've bought in. I don't know for sure because I've never met Nick, but I bet late on Thursday nights when everyone has gone to bed and he has time to reflect on his day, there's a big smile on Nick's face over how his family has bought in.
What a simple pleasure in life.
Thank you for that email. It's going to strike a chord in this community.
And while we're on a heater, let's end today with some 'Do Hard Things' in Maine
• John W. has results to show the community:
Under the ‘Do Hard Things’ banner I wanted to share an effort at our camp in Maine. Formerly a shared boat launch between two camps from many years ago that can not be used that way anymore and it had been eroding over time- needed major work.
We farmed out some of it for heavy digging but after picture number 3 our contractor got flakey and my wife and I decided to do the rest ourselves.
Adding in 4x4’s to create tiers then hauling 3 cubic yards of river rock (1.3 tons each cubic yard) down the hill 100’ to frame the tiers and adding peat moss with mulch helped frame it.
Then to help with lake conservation rules we added 5 cubic yards of ‘rip-rap’ used for erosion control. This has to be hauled 300’ downhill as driveway repairs had limited heavy equipment access. (View from the side as dock was taken out for winter).
All this while wife battles through stage 4 cancer. She’s had a number of chemo cycles and surgeries but feeling well for now and is working to ensure we can relax from big projects next year, or worst case we don’t have to worry about these things as we balance her next treatments. She epitomizes ‘Do Hard Things’ and has pushed the motto of ‘Do Good Things’ for the past 3 years of her fight.
Thanks for all you do. Column is how I try to take my morning break from starting each day!
What a week. So many great emails. Such a variety of conversations. I even connected Adam D. and Anonymous Masters Employee because Adam is thinking about doing the Masters employment thing so he can see the grounds. Those two are now off talking about Augusta housing.
Now go have an incredible weekend. Infuriate the libs by raking your leaves. Fire up your leaf blower for the fun of it. Enjoy the sunshine. Enjoy the football. Soak it all in.
Take care.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com