Melanie Collins Sheds Her CBS Uniform For A Beach Vacation, JD Vance Hunts Rosie O'Donnell & Livid Livvy Dunne

It's Hump Day, inflation is cooling, and Donald Trump has somehow gotten the Libs to hate electric cars. 

What can't this guy do?! Think about it. He's somehow made Republicans love electric cars, and Dems HATE them. Burn them. Melt over them. Do you know how impressive that is? 

He's done a lot of stuff over the past decade. This one? This one may be his Mona Lisa. Perfection. No notes. Let's have a day. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we shed our work clothes with CBS firecracker Melanie Collins, and go from there. 

What else? I've got wacky Rosie O'Donnell fleeing the country for Ireland – where she'll fit in perfectly – insufferable Ryan Clark dusting off the tried-and-true ‘racism’ take this NFL draft season, angry Olivia Dunne, and we had a DOOZY of an ending to a congressional hearing yesterday. 

"This meeting is adjourned!" Shockingly, it involves some solid – sollllllllllllllllllid – virtue-signaling. Can't wait to share it with y'all!

OK, grab yourself literally any ice cream other than Ben & Jerry's, mix it with some rum and a splash of root beer, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

How awful can one company be?

Didn't think I'd be starting a Hump Day class with the most insufferable company in the world, but that's why you have to stay on your toes in this job. 

Once every six months, Ben & Jerry's pops up on my timeline for some ridiculous bullshit they pulled. Sometimes, it's a stupid post on the Fourth of July about how all of this land was stolen and how awful Americans are. Sometimes it's a virtue-signaling pride month post in June. 

Sometimes, it's to celebrate the beautiful act of … an abortion:

Good God. When I tell you there is truly no more miserable company in America, I ain't lying. These people are just the worst. They're so bad. It's stunning, really, when you look into it. 

Do y'all see how close we came to this crap being normal? Had things bounced differently last fall, we all would've been forced to celebrate National Abortion Provider Appreciation Day yesterday. 

Hell, Kamala probably would've made it a Federal holiday. 

But, instead, we just have to deal with dumbass Ben & Jerry's doing the honors. God, these people are just the worst. There are a ton of awful companies in America right now – Elon's working on it, don't worry! – but Ben & Jerry's takes the cake … by a mile. 

I mean, LOOK at some of these social media posts:

You know who probably loves BJs? 

"Devastating impact on our country."

Oh, really, Ben and/or Jerry? That true? You sure? Okeedokee, then! On a totally unrelated note:

Don't let the legacy media fool you. It's working. I promise, it's working. Stay the course! Gonna be a bumpy little ride for a bit, but we're getting there. 

Oh no! The Dow's in the red and stocks are cratering! Trump STINKS!

Nope. It's called playing chess when the dummy who just left office was playing … I don't even know? Badminton? Solitaire? Uno? Wasn't checkers! 

Anyway, if you have a minute today and want to really know what's going on with our economy, take a look at this:

… and, if you DON'T give a shit (which I also understand), let's move on … to THIS:

Melanie, Rosie & Ryan, oh my!

Amazing. What a battle here. Absolute chaos over a pronoun, and it's edge-of-your-seat stuff. Hey, pal – haven't you heard? There are now only two genders in America. Get on board, or GET OUT. 

THIS MEETING IS ADJOURNED! BAM! 

OK, rapid-fire time on this second Hump Day of March. First up? We've traveled nearly 600 words without a hot girl, and that's, frankly, unacceptable. 

It ain't football season, and that's a good thing for CBS sideline girl, Melanie Collins. Welcome to South Beach!

Goodness gracious me. Welcome back to class, Melanie! Looks like she won't be courtside this month for any March Madness action, which is bad for CBS, but great for the #content. 

It's the offseason, boys and girls. Let's live it up. New league year starts today. Draft next month. OTAs after that. Lock in now. Get 'em, Mel!

Next? If Melanie doesn't tickle your pickle, here's Rosie O'Donnell!

Amazing. What a timeline we're living in right now. Rosie has officially left the US of A. She'll come back only when it's safe! 

First Ellen, now Rosie. Sad. We've really lost some of the great ones over the past few months. From what I hear about some of the socialists over in Ireland, she'll fit in just fine. Trust me. I've heard horror stories from buddies who spent some time over there. 

Good riddance. Enjoy her, Ireland. Luckily for her, she'll probably never have to see anyone from the Trump Administration again!

Whoooooooooooooooooooooops! Just kidding! Say hi to Rosie for us, JD! 

Finally, let's check in with another lunatic who is probably a few more executive orders away from self-deporting:

Angry Livvy takes us home

I mean, he's just so stupid. It's shocking, really, how dumb he is. But you know ESPN just loves it. They were foaming at the mouth watching this go down. 

It's not #NFLDraftSZN until someone from ESPN injects race into the discussion, so kudos to Rhino here for getting us started. 

The whole ‘NFL teams don’t want black quarterbacks!' argument is so dead at this point, it's almost impressive that dummies like Ryan keep going back to it. 

Patrick Mahomes and Jalen Hurts just played in the Super Bowl. Lamar Jackson was an MVP runner-up. The top two quarterbacks taken in last year's draft were both black, and Cam Ward could very well be the top pick this year. 

It's such a stupid argument, but, again, these people are idiots, so we can't expect too much. Oh well. 

OK, that's it for today. Here's Olivia Dunne stuffing internet trolls in a locker before showing off her new crocs. 

See you tomorrow. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You think Ryan's as dumb as I do? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.