Medical Experts Claim Scrolling On Phone While Pooping Might Be Unhealthy. Is It True, Or A Load Of Crap?

If you’re a normal person, you probably scroll on your phone while you’re taking a dump. But experts claim it's in your best interest to not do that.

Now before I continue, I am going to mention the word “poop” - and similar words - quite a bit. I have to dissect what these experts said, so I must use the appropriate vocabulary.

I understand that might be off putting, but this is a topic near and dear to the hearts of many Americans, men especially. As such, I will dive into this topic head on and provide insight largely from the male perspective.

If you have any questions or comments about this foundational element of human existence, feel free to email me at john.simmons@outkick.com. Without further ado, let’s deal with this crap.

Scrolling On Your Phone Might Not Be A Healthy Habit

If there’s one thing men can especially agree on about pooping, it’s that it's one of the most enjoyable activities of the day. Anyone else wake up and make sure the first thing you do is take a regularly-scheduled morning dump? Come on, you know it's true!

Most men scroll on their phones while going number two. Oftentimes, we lose track of time and end up staying on the throne for longer than we need to.

Dr. Harika Balagoni, a gastroenterologist in the Mayo Clinic Health System in La Crosse, WS, said that this can actually cause some pretty serious health problems.

"We all have these veins in our lower rectal-anal area in the lower gastrointestinal tract," Balagoni said. "But when you sit on the toilet for too long, especially if you have obesity or are pregnant, then these veins start to bulge or get bigger, and that's when you develop hemorrhoids."

Now, we don't have to worry about that last part, since men can’t have babies (despite culture inexplicably claiming otherwise). The part about obesity does make more sense, and hemorrhoids are a steep price to pay for a few extra minutes on the can. 

But frankly, it’s still worth the risk.

Think about it. Even if you are using your phone and losing track of time, you can still be productive. After all, fantasy football lineups must be adjusted, YouTube videos must be watched, and week-late text responses must be sent. The day rarely presents few opportunities to single-mindedly be focused on these vital tasks.

If you struggle with obesity (which I am genuinely sorry if you do), there are often things in your control that you can do to fight that. And when some extra time dropping the kids off at school is on the line, it’s certainly worth the effort to make such changes.

Scrolling On Phone Can Literally Make Someone Sick

So that argument largely falls short of making any of us want to shorten our poop time. But the second reason might just do the trick.

No matter how much we don’t think about it, our phones' screens are always filthy and covered with bacteria. I won’t dwell on this too much, since we obviously don't want to let gross topics get in the way of our poop discussion.

After we’ve answered the call of the wild, we flush our business down the drain (if you don’t, you’re an animal). When we flush, a “toilet plume” of debris circles in the air around us. Naturally, some of that can get our phones (and our hands when we touch them), which could eventually get someone sick.

Dr. Sheldon Campbell, professor of pathology at Yale University, puts it this way:

"You don't clean your phone after , so it's kind of like not washing your hands. You're at a risk of transmitting something from yourself to someone else. You splash and you make aerosols, and you contaminate your phone, and then your phone recontaminates your hands. It's really more of a concern for other people than the phone user, because you don't catch stuff from yourself, you catch stuff from other people."

Ok, so it sounds like we should avoid scrolling on our phones because there’s a high likelihood that we get our hands dirty again. Throw in the potential for hemorrhoids (which isn’t as likely), and we’ve got a case for not using our phones while pooping.

So, What Should We Do About This?

The germs part gives me the most pause, especially since flu season is upon us. After all, I’m not in the mood to get anyone sick. Furthermore, I could watch YouTube at other points in the day. Updating my fantasy football roster doesn’t take too long either. 

In times of great crisis, men must make incredible sacrifices. This seems like a great moment for us to prove our worth to a doubting world.

Or, maybe the solution to our poop health problems doesn’t revolve around using our phones. Maybe it’s in the types of toilets we use, as cultural expert Jim Gaffigan once noted.

What do you think, especially you men? This is an important topic, one we must tackle arm-in-arm and hand-in-hand - just, not while on the toilet. Email me your thoughts, and don’t forget the value of poop health. Remember, with a great privilege, comes great responsibility.