Here Are Six Of McDonald's Most Insane Attempts At Becoming Fashion A Trendsetter

I'm not going to pretend I know much about fashion. For me, if it fits right and doesn't look like it will get me stuffed in a locker or inadvertently pick sides in a gang turf war, then it's okay for me.

What does fascinate me, though, is how the trends develop. Someone just decides something is cool and then everyone else follows suit.

Back in what historians call "The Day," McDonald's decided to take a stab at being fashion trendsetters on top of the burger-slangin' that made them one of the most recognizable companies on this planet (and they're so big, probably several others too).

There's a phenomenal X account called Consumer Time Capsule, which posts pictures from fast food joints in the ‘80s and ’90s that will give your brain a nice hit of that sweet, sweet nostalgia.

The account has been posting some of McDonald's attempts to become one of the big names in fashion back up there with the likes of Prada, Gucci, and Bass Pro Shop. 

I'm incredibly jealous I wasn't born until the mid-'90s, otherwise I'd be covered in more McDonald's than a drunk chick trying to house a Big Mac in the back of an Uber.

The Localized McDonald's T-Shirt

You know how Hard Rock Cafe sells shirts with their logo and the name of the city on them (although I recently discovered that the Hard Rock in Orlando sells t-shirts with names of other cities on them, which was like uncovering some massive international conspiracy)? 

Well, McDonald's gave that a whirl.

I love the idea that someone would be like, "I got this shirt from the New York McDonald's," as if there aren't probably several hundred of those.

The design on the front isn't half bad either, although it does feel painfully 1987. If you're looking for a year in T-shirt form, here ya go.

Letterman Jackets

If the look you're going for is "'80s movie villain-jock," McD's had you covered. Who wouldn't want to look like they're a four-year letter-winner Filet-O-Fish? 

Especially if you got stuck on JV Filet-O-Fish.

Not going to lie to you, I wouldn't mind tracking down a vintage Hamburger University jacket, because, at this point, a degree from HU is worth more than one from most Ivy League schools.

I got my masters from Ham-U. My thesis was titled "An Evaluation of Intersectional Theory Relating The Citizens of McDonaldland."

I found that Officer Big Mac's poor policing in underprivileged and low-income parts of McDonaldland has created a "school to Hamburglar pipeline." Sad. 

McDonald's Suspenders

Suspenders seem out of style now, but McDonald's almost had every kid in America throwing them on to keep their jeans in place.

I think I can tell you why these weren't a hit. They needed a celebrity endorsement from one of the era's great suspender-wearers.

As I see it, they had two options: Larry King or Robin Williams as Mork from Mork And Mindy.

That would have gotten kids wearing suspenders, but there may have still been a slight problem. 

I think another purpose of the McD's suspenders was to get people hankering for the Golden Arches, and I don't know that Larry King's bony shoulders or Robin Williams' furry arms would've put people in a McNuggets mood.

Cowboy Hat And Belt

McDonald's knew full well that while suspenders weren't for all tastes, everyone still needs a way to keep their pants from dropping around their ankles.

Enter the McD's belt and matching cowboy hat.

If that doesn't make you want to scald your mouth with an apple pie on the way to the honky-tonk, I'm not sure what will.

Just keep in mind if people keep staring at your crotch and salivating, it's because they're thinking of McMuffins.

Mac Tonight Hat

McDonald's has had its share of creepy-ass mascots and characters over the years, and one of the forgotten ones is Mac Tonight.

He had a crescent moon for a head, wore sunglasses at night like a douche, and made the ladies swoon with his jazzy piano stylings. 

Mac Tonight's purpose was to let people hammered out of their gourds know that, "Hey, McDonald's is open late!" and they pushed it pretty hard with these hats.

Again, I would wear this if I could find one. Although, I'm weird about used hats. I don't know what was going on with the previous owner's head hygiene.

I don't want to even take the chance of having to tell people, "I got lice from my vintage Mac Tonight hat."

McD's Sport Coats

If you've ever wanted to look like you survived a fraternity paddling at the hands of Ronald McDonald, you're in luck. The Golden Arches tried to class it up with sports coats featuring a coat of arms.

I love the idea of a McDonald's coat of arms, but we'd need to refresh it for today. It would need to have a hamburger, a homeless man sleeping in the bathroom, fries, and a group of teenagers punching each other all in a shield over the motto "Ita, Lac Machina Frigidus Est Fractus," a rough Latin translation for "The Ice Cream Machine Is Broken."

Bonus: McWhatever The Hell This Is

This isn't from the ‘80s or ’90s, but I had to throw it in.

I came across this photo from Miami Swim Week 2017 where they showed off a line called "McDCouture."

 McDCouture at Miami Swim Week in 2017… fashion is strange.  (Photo by Alexander Tamargo/Getty Images for McDonald's)

I… I don't know what this is. I understood all the other stuff buy this? It looks like they were in a time crunch and someone said, "F--k it; throw the McNuggets box on her head."

…

What a time to be alive. Would you wear any of these? Did you wear any of these? Let me know!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com.