'Masters Girl' Returns To Augusta, Carrie Underwood Goes For A Swim & Tony Romo Should Take Notes From Sunday
Buddy – what a WEEKEND. What a Sunday. We don't get a lot of those during the winter, spring and summer, but when we do, they hit like 1980s Miami CRACK.
Allegedly, of course.
I know I spent most of last week shitting on Augusta and the annoying snobbery of The Masters, but I have to admit … if they're gonna put on shows like that every year – and they mostly do – then I'm all in.
Be as snobby as you want. I take it all back. I'll say "patron" till I'm blue in the face if you return the favor with that sort of drama.
Here's something I didn't expect … I found myself rooting for Rory. Not at first – I'm a Bryson guy because I'm also a patriot – but once he folded like a cheap tent at the turn? I was rooting for Rory, who I really don't even like.
Well, scratch that. I love his golf game. I hate his politics. Ever since he ran his mouth about Trump a few years back, I've been pretty much out.
But toward the end Sunday, as he was collapsing, and then hitting unbelievable shots, and then collapsing again … I found myself rooting for him. Like Tiger in 2019, it was one of those "where were you" moments over the final few minutes.
What a golf tournament. Let's roll.
Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we hit a few more Masters stingers with the OG Masters Girl, Aaliyah Kikumoto, and go from there.
What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded weekend of #content (LOADED), Bezos' smokeshow girlfriend going to space for literally no reason at all, Carrie Underwood absolutely dominated a paddleboard in Hawaii, and Belichick's girlfriend running UNC football practice.
We stand with Bill! Piss off, losers.
Grab you a hoe for National Gardening Day (hey now!) and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!
Putting a bow on Masters week
I know y'all are probably Masters-ed out at this point, but it ain't my fault this class doesn't start till 4 p.m. the next day! I have to get in a few words before we just leave it all behind.
Couple things …
1. Where do we stand on the Rory-Bryson matchup yesterday? Specifically, this:
Like I said, I'm a Bryson guy. Not really a Rory guy. But, I have to be fair here …
I'm with Rory on this one, too. We can't all praise prime Tiger Woods for his aura in a Sunday major, and then shit on Rory just because Bryson bitches about it. Can't do it.
Everyone handles the pressure differently. I'd personally be like Bryson and just want to chat it up the whole time. Rory, clearly, took the Tiger approach. It worked.
2. Kudos to Jim Nantz, and – more importantly – Trevor Immelman for shutting up after Rory's win. Tony Romo better have been taking notes:
I expect that out of Jim, but you never know what you're gonna get from his partner. Remember the Super Bowl two years ago when Tony just would not shut the hell up after the Chiefs walked it off in overtime? Completely ruined it. Shocking for Romo, I know.
I'd put that scene on 18 yesterday up against Tiger's from 2019. And there's probably nothing else that comes close.
3: Finally … there is no bigger waste of time in the world of sports than 60 Minutes. God, I hate 60 Minutes. It just won't go away. Does anyone ever watch 60 Minutes? The stupid ticking clock is such a kick to the dick every single time we hear it.
Let's get to the #content!
Yeah, I mean, my God. CBS … ENOUGH with the 60 Minutes. We don't want 60 Minutes. Not during football season (except on the West Coast, of course). Not during Masters coverage. Not ever. It sucks. It's fake news. It's virtue-signaling.
Please, for the love of God, stop shoving it down our throats.
OK, let's get to the best #content from a big mid-April weekend. What grade do you give The Masters this year?
Masters Girl, Bill's girl, and our girl, Carrie!
Told you … big weekend. And hey! No tariff talk today! Win-win. Couple thoughts …
1. I'd give the CFP a C+, March Madness a C-, and the Super Bowl an F. Terrible game, unlikable teams, over by halftime.
2. A Bernie/AOC ticket? I mean, what did we do to get so lucky?!
3. I'm still so confused as to why Jeff Bezos sent those insufferable women into space, beyond the fact that they're all … insufferable? If that's why he did it, God bless him then.
For the next trip, I'd volunteer fat Rosie O'Donnell, Jasmine Crockett, any of those witches from The View and maybe Tim Walz in case anyone needs a tampon.
4. Snape is apparently black in the HBO Harry Potter reboot, which makes sense given his description in the book:
… "A thin man with sallow skin, a large, hooked nose, and yellow, uneven teeth. He has shoulder-length, greasy black hair which frames his face, and cold, black eyes."
Sallow skin, courtesy of our friends over at Web MD, is a complexion that appears yellowish or pale. So, naturally, HBO made him black. Gotcha.
5. The Belichick-Jordon Hudson video? Nightcaps' official position is PRO-Belichick and Jordon. We have some class here, you know.
Speaking of … rapid-fire time!
This is Jordon's program, boys and girls. Bill's just running the day-to-day operations. Make no mistake about it.
Unlike the losers on the internet who are sounding alarm bells over this, I'm here for it. I love this career arc for Bill. This guy was on the fast track to becoming the winningest head coach in NFL history not three years ago.
Now? He's running spring camp in Chapel Hill with his 24-year-old Miss Universe girlfriend. It's Walter White stuff, really. Bill has broke bad, and we're all just along for the ride.
By the way, an early HBD to Belichick, too! He turns 73 on Wednesday. Can't wait to see how Jordon delivers.
Next? I'd be remiss if I didn't welcome the original Masters Girl, Aaliyah Kikumoto, back to class as we kick off #MajorSZN:
YES! Didn't think Aaliyah would make it back this year – especially after last week's update – but she was on hand for Rory's big win. What a tournament, from start to finish.
We started with the amateur taking a leak in Rae's Creek and his Instagram girlfriend going viral, and ended with Masters Girl reclaiming her throne.
Until next year, Augusta.
OK, that's it for today. HUGE start to the week. Let's head on into a big night with a paddleboarding Carrie Underwood.
See you Wednesday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Who were you rooting for down the stretch? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.