Man Who Threw Sausages At His Wife's Face Because She Asked If He Was Out Doing Cocaine & Hookers Hit With No-Contact Order

Ladies, calm down, just because we're out with the boys getting loaded during a guys' night out doesn't mean that we're going to start snorting cocaine and hiring hookers.

The story of Nolan Bird, a 48-year-old British businessman, is all the rage in the U.K. where this man has been slapped with a two-year restraining order for throwing sausage rolls at his wife Heather, who had been harassing his wife of a simple night of going out with the boys.

According to the court system, Nolan flew into a rage, threw the sausage rolls and called his wife "pathetic" for her insinuation that her hubby had gone to London "for cocaine and hookers."

That is not the alleged cocaine and alleged hooker that Heather claimed Nolan was going to London for. This is just an example of cocaine and a hooker. / Getty Images

Not the sausage rolls that Nolan threw at Heather. Just an example of sausage rolls. / Getty Images

Heather claims Nolan hit her face with the back of his hand and then threw the sausage rolls that clocked her upside the nose.

She's since filed for divorce. The 25-year marriage is over.

The problem with this story is that Heather should've been thinking about her own mental health here. This marriage was already a mess before Nolan launched the sausage rolls. Heather would've done herself a huge favor by siphoning off Nolan's money and banging some doctor on the side. Maybe do a little coke.

Heather's guilty of missing an opportunity of getting her own side action. If she jumped to the conclusion that her husband was going to get coked up and hook up with women while out with the fellas, this wasn't their first rodeo.

Now we have an ugly divorce/criminal court case that the two of them didn't need.

I get it, Heather saw that her 25-year marriage was collapsing and it caused pain.

You know the perfect way to ease the pain, Heather?

A slam piece. Look it up.

Without fully knowing the ins and outs of Heather and Nolan's relationship, Heather going out and getting her own piece of ass could've saved the marriage.

Don't take my word for it, Heather. Read British GQ.

Missed opportunity, Heather.