MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Takes Out The Trash, Food Network's Giada Goes For A Swim & The Best Halloween Movie
Last Hump Day before Halloween. Last Hump Day before the election. I've been up since 4:30. Had five cups of Maxwell House before the sun came up. Popped my first nicotine pouch before the annoying rooster down the road lit up my neighborhood like a firecracker.
I'm coming at you with everything I got today. Piss and vinegar. Locked & Loaded. Fire in the belly.
Let's roll.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – where we get an election day premonition from MAGA bikini congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna and then knock Joe's October curveball out of the park.
What else? I've been watching a lot of Halloween movies lately for obvious reasons (the girls!), so I think I'll pump out a Mount Rushmore at some point today, and then dive into the Yankees HERO from last night.
What a menace!
Oh yeah! Food Network's Giada hit the pool for a pre-Halloween dip! Can't let that go unnoticed. What the hell kind of class would this be if we ignored Giada on Hump Day?
A bad one. That's what kind!
Grab you some candy corn for National Candy Corn Day and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!
Ranking the Halloween movies you should be cramming in on All Hallows Eve
Let's start with just that … candy corn is good. I'm so tired of people acting like it's not. Somewhere along the way, candy corn has become one big joke in the candy game, and it's, frankly, insulting.
And I'll do you one better – the candy corn pumpkins? Even better. You get more bang for your buck, and it's a softer bite. Win-win.
We're a pro-candy corn class and if you don't like it, there's some lib CNN class right down the damn hall!
Looks like fun down there! My God. What a meltdown that network is experiencing this week. And it's only gonna get WORSE. We're in for a really special few days, folks. Strap in.
OK, where was I? Oh yeah! Halloween movies. I'm gonna keep it real simple for y'all. If you have only a few hours to kill between now and tomorrow night, the order of movies you need to watch is pretty straightforward.
1. Halloween (the OG, although the last two remakes are underrated)
2. Halloween 2 (again, the original, and the last two remakes are pure garbage)
3. Scream
4. Scream 2
Those are the four GOATs of scary movies. Frankly, the soundtracks in the first two Scream movies may be the best soundtracks in the history of movies. Similarly, the music in the original Halloween is the best score ever.
If you really pay attention, you'll realize that there is very little dialogue in the movie and it's really just the Halloween theme the whole time, which is beautiful.
Other movies I'd accept: Halloween H20, Hocus Pocus (back when Disney wasn't woke), Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and that one Friday the 13th when Jason is an astronaut.
And if you really wanna get into the weeds, try to find Kenan and Kel: Two Heads Are Better Than None. Kenan's dad in that one is the same guy in the Rob Zombie Halloween remake that gets the piss beat out of him by Michael while taking a dump.
And that concludes today's horror movie section. You are welcome!
Anna Paulina Luna is ready for a big win
Show of hands – who had Joe Grizzly AND a Kenan and Kel video in today's class on their Bingo cards? Didn't think so.
We zig, they zag. It's why we win awards, you know.
No ziging on this one, though. We've been pro-Anna Paulina Luna for months now, ever since she donned the MAGA swimsuit at the end of summer, and we're going back to the well now with less than a week until the election.
Florida is coasting to a big Trump win next week – trust me, I AM the boots on the ground and it's a bloodbath already – and Anna is ready for her spot in Trump's cabinet:
Joe's October surprise, ‘Hotties for Trump’ take out the trash & I think I may be in on this Yankees fan
Choose your fighter, folks. You want Anna Paulina … or the field next week? I'm putting the mortgage on Anna and the Big Rs.
If she insists we're winning, then I've seen enough. Call the race now. Let's roll.
OK, rapid-fire time on this Halloween Eve. First up? The October surprise-Joe Biden memes made waking up at 4:30 this morning with a pissed off kid almost worth it.
Almost. Still sucked.
Look, I have no idea why Joe said what he said. Gun to my noggin, I contend that he did it on purpose because the Dems knifed him in the back and he hates Kamala Harris.
We've all felt that, by the way.
Remember in high school when you got benched for another stupid kid, and you acted all happy and mature about it because "he's my teammate and I'm rooting for him."
Yeah, that was all BS. You know it. I know it. We ALWAYS want the person who replaced us to fail. Always. It's called being a competitor. I think Joe wants Trump to win so badly that he had to clear the path for him after Tony's little snafu.
Or, you know, he could just be old and senile. Either-or!
Next? The other good news that came out of Joe's trash comment from last night? It unleashed all the conservative garbage cans!
Riley! You knew she'd come through with a big post after Joe's hiccup, and, once again, she did. Love the response from Big Rs on this one.
When they go low, you respond by turning on the whole internet and voting for Trump. That's the American way.
Finally … I realize this has been a politics-centric class. Sorry. I teach based on current events, and that's pretty much the current event right now.
I do wanna say this, though … the Yankee fan that the internet's all mad at today? I think I'm all in. Remember, we zig when they zag.
I hate the Yankees, but they needed a spark in this series and they got one from this DOG in the bleachers. Maybe if Aaron Judge showed half as much fight as this hero, the Yanks wouldn't be on the brink of elimination:
Take us into Halloween, Giada!
"We always joke about the ball in our area," he said, according to Fox News (great company!). "We're not going to go out of our way to attack. If it's in our area, we're going to 'D' up.
"Someone defends, someone knocks the ball. We talk about it. We're willing to do this."
Absolutely. By any means necessary. Back against the wall, need a spark, season slipping away … you need to fight. If the Yanks somehow pull this comeback off, this cat will own monument park.
Well worth the risk. That being said … Dodgers in 7 (5).
Happy swimming, Giada!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Would you put your life on the line in Game 4 of the World Series? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.