MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Stuns At The Polls, 'White Dude For Harris' Has Epic Meltdown & Angry Morning Joe!
What a day. It's better than I ever could've imagined. It's 2016, but on steroids. I mean, we did it. Trump actually did it.
Love him or hate him – and clearly a majority of the country LOVES HIM! – you have to admit that Donald J. Trump is basically 2019 Tiger at the Masters. Right?
The best in the world for years, an embarrassing downfall, a slow climb back to the top, and then a resounding ass-kicking for the ages.
And hey! What else do Tiger and Trump have in common? Very high club head speed! Unlike Maddow Mark Cuban.
Speaking of … well, hang on. We'll get to him/her in a minute.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we celebrate Donald Trump and a big night for the entire GOP, including Anna Paulina Luna. That's right. Our girl not only prevailed in the great state of Florida, she coasted to a big win. Never a doubt, baby!
What else? I've got plenty of Trump fallout from the internet – there truly isn't enough time to make fun of everyone today – and maybe I'll mix in some sports. Maybe. Probably not, though. Let's be honest, you ain't here for NBA talk today. And they were off yesterday, anyway … to vote!
How'd that work out?
Grab you some Vodka to celebrate our friends in Pennsylvania – Google tells me that's the most popular alcohol up there – and settle in for a victorious Hump Day 'Cap!
I do think we could've benefited with some Red Zone coverage last night
So, my night was pretty mixed, if I'm being honest. My 9-week-old woke up around 10:30 with a stuffy nose, and he was PISSED, which really set us back a few pegs. Things were a little iffy around that time, too, so the vibes weren't great.
That being said, we pushed through. He sat up in the living room with us and watched Fox News like the patriot he is. How lucky is he, by the way? He only had to live in a Democratic-run country for nine weeks. Now, he gets Trump until he's 4. What a way to start life!
Anyway, I am interested … how did y'all consume your wall-to-wall coverage last night? I was on Fox News from about 6 till 2. Bret's the best in the business, and it ain't particularly close. I obviously did check out MSNBC and CNN when things really started to look good for us just to see the fire burn.
And buddy, it BURNED. More on that in a bit.
But it did hit me whilst I was channel-surfing … how great would a Scott Hanson/Red Zone-esque show have been last night?
I mean, it would've been perfect. Octobox with all seven battleground states? Scott breaking down the electoral map every few minutes? Live look-ins at polling locations so we could catch them trying to steal the vote live? I'm serious, I think it would've been an absolute hit.
The internet had its Heisman moment last night
That's another great call, too. A College GameDay set would be electric.
Corso having no clue who's actually running. Desmond being the one Lib they have on set to try and balance things out. McAfee just yelling the national anthem the whole time to get the crowd psyched up. Saban in the film room breaking down black voters in Georgia. Tom Rinaldi checking in with a tear-jerker of a story around the 11 p.m. hour.
The works. Make it happen!
OK, let's get back to the good stuff … like all the unhinged reaction that started flowing like fine wine around midnight this morning. From Rachel Maddow, to Joy Reid, to the White Dudes for Kamala completely melting down during a live stream – it was truly the internet's best night maybe ever.
Let's dig in:
Anna Paulina, Nancy Mace & Danica!
I mean, just so much to break down there.
1) Thanks for settling our nerves, Katie! Can't believe you used to be sane when I was growing up. Another TDS study case. Sad.
2) Could you imagine crying because your candidate loses? It's such an unbelievably soft party. Frankly, the Democrats need such a hard reset right now and if they still can't see it, they deserve whatever happens in 2028.
3) Clay (drunkingly, I assume) retweeted my funny Maddow Mark tweet and my notifications have been popping off for 24 straight hours now. I was proud of that one, though, and I'm glad drunk Clay appreciated it.
4) The unhinged obese fella needs RFK Jr. now more than ever. Seriously, this could be the best thing that's ever happened to him.
In all seriousness, last night was absolutely a product of how far left the Dems have gone. I'm not saying that to be mean or hyperbolic. I'm saying it because it's true. The party is lost, and they are so unbelievably out of touch with the American people that it's silly at this point.
If an ass-kicking like that – both in the popular vote and electoral vote – doesn't show the loony left that they are the ones in the minority, not us, then I don't know what to tell them.
Leave our kids alone. Stop shoving the fake transgender movement down our throats. Leave the boys out of the girls' locker room. Make us rich – or at least give us the chance to be. Keep us safe.
It's simple. Or, at least, it should be.
OK, let's check in on a couple other major races from last night that certainly had our attention:
Anna Paulina Luna with a DOMINANT showing in my state last night. The haters tried to push her out, but we were NEVER going to let that happen.
She started the Hot Republicans movement last summer, and it paid off last night. Remember where you met her first, folks. Right here. We don't follow. We lead.
Next? Nancy!!!
That's 2 for 2 in re-election bids for two Nightcaps OGs! We love real women around here! America chose their fighters correctly yesterday, and it was like watching poetry in motion.
Joe, you excited or WHAT?!
Ahhhhhh. That's the good stuff, boys and girls. Right there. What a day it's been – and we haven't even gotten to Kamala's concession speech yet! Should be electric. Maybe Cardi B wrote it?
OK, that's all for today. Take us into a new world, Danica!
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Did the Liberal tears hydrate your yard today? Be honest. Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.