MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Has A Lib-Triggering To-Do List For 2025, Jimmy Carter Memes & Snow In Florida?
Hello? This thing on? My God. I'm back. Sort of. I'm still off this week ‘till Wednesday, but I decided, you know what, maybe I’ll pop into class today to say hi because I've been stuck in a house with four toddlers and two babies for the past week and could use a break.
So, here I am – popping in. I won't be here for a long time, but it'll be a good time. And that's what this weird week always is – a weird, good time.
The week between Christmas and New Year's is such an abyss. Like, what do we do?
I feel like the country just sort of shuts down for a week, for no apparent reason other than … we're all just tired? It's an unspoken thing in the US of A, that you're kinda-sorta allowed to mail it in this week, even though you're not technically allowed to mail it in.
It's OK to sit around and do nothing. It's OK to get fat and eat whatever you want and start drinking at 10 a.m. every day. It's also OK to work, if you so choose, because even your regular work is toned down for some reason this week.
It's a weird week, but a good one. Let's begin.
Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we gear up for 2025 with Anna Paulina Luna, and go from there.
What else? I've got the best of the rest from a big week(end) of #content, Jimmy Carter memes (tasteful, of course), and there's a (semi) legit possibility it could snow in Florida in about 10 days.
And you know what they say about weather forecasts – if they're more than 10 days out, they're almost always right!
Grab you whatever the hell you want because this week is a mirage, and settle in for a final-Monday-of-2024 'Cap!
What a weekend of #content!
I don't usually start with the throwaway space-filler – I mean unloading of the Twitter bookmarks! – but I've been gone for a week, so I've got a lot to get to.
First off – I can't believe the NFL season is pretty much toast. Like, the final Red Zone of the season is this Sunday. It's over. Just like that. Sad. Always sad.
But, somehow, my horrible Miami Dolphins still have a pulse. Tua may be a little baby with a little baby boo-boo on his hip, but the rest of the team still has a pulse. Amazing.
PS: the Broncos will lose to the Chiefs, and Miami will 10000% lose to the stinky Jets in some sort of heartbreaking fashion. Bank on it. Can't wait!
OK, let's see what I missed over the weekend:
RIP to Jimmy Carter, from the internet
By the way, I'm all in on that last one. I would take Joe Burrow over literally anyone in the league right now, including Mahomes and Josh Allen. Sorry, Romo, it's true.
Also, Josh Allen should win MVP over Lamar Jackson. I know woke ESPN will try to call me racist for that, but facts are facts and anyone with eyes can see it.
Also, Part II: That kick from the scrub Falcons kicker last night was pathetic. In today's game, when kickers are routinely nailing 65-yard bombs, it was grounds for firing. That's how bad it was.
And yes, I obviously had money on it. Duh.
OK, let's pay tribute to Jimmy Carter in the only way we can around here:
Anna Paulina, Greg Gumbel & snow in Florida?
Some real gems in there if you ask me. Solid work, internet.
And before I get the inevitable HAVE SOME CLASS! emails, relax. Jimmy Carter was 100 and was literally in hospice for years. Seriously, I didn't know it was possible to be in hospice care for as long as Jimmy was in there.
I didn't live during the Carter regime, obviously, so I don't have a horse in the race here. From what I hear, it wasn't great, but he was also a decent man who loved the US of A. I respect that, so I respect Jimmy.
RIP to a legend.
Speaking of … let's honor another one to kick off today's rapid-fire portion of class:
This one cut me deeeeeep. Hurt me. Hurt me, bad.
Some folks grew up with Pat Summerall. Others had Keith Jackson. Some had both. In 20 years, today's kids will remember Nantz and Buck.
For me, it was Greg Gumbel. Whenever I heard Greg's voice, I knew it was a big game. Loved him. He was the voice of the NFL for me as a kid, especially as a Dolphins fan. Whenever we had Greg calling our game, I was locked in.
Can't believe he's gone. Sad. Brutal way to end 2024. Legend:
God. What a call. Remember watching that live as a freshman in college. Today's kids will never, ever get to experience a Greg Gumbel game. Brutal.
OK, two more quickies on the way out. I am off today, after all. First? The rumor mill is BUZZING right now about a possible snow event in my great, big, beautiful state sometime in the next few weeks.
True story!
I'm all in. I'm ready for the entire country to mock us during these next few weeks. Whatever. Piss off.
PS: can't wait for the global warming wackos to see this. They'll faint.
Finally, let's check in with Nightcaps OG Anna Paulina Luna on the way out! What, you thought we'd go a whole week without our favorite MAGA bikini congresswoman? Come on. Don't be silly!
This is how you can help make America GREAT:
1. Go to Church
2. Graduate High School
3. Get a Job
4. Get Married
5. Have Kids
What a list of to-dos from Anna Paulina! My God. Somewhere, a cat lady's head is EXPLODING right now. The Libs must despise APL. I can't wait to see what she does starting next year.
And, lucky for us, next year is almost here!
See you on the other side, boys and girls. Happy New Year.
Now go have a week.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
You grow up with Gumbel on the call? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.