MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Debunks Filthy Rumor Involving Trump, Tim Walz Vs. Caitlyn Jenner & Buy OJ's Knife!

Second-to-last Hump Day of March. Last day before March Madness. MLB's first pitch in one week. Augusta fires back up two weeks after that. NFL Draft in a month. Winter ends in eight hours. 

Folks, we have ACTION right now. It's all coming together. The slow period is slowly ending. Thank God. We're just about off the hamster wheel, and safely onto the ground with all of our limbs accounted for. 

That's a win in my book. I will take it. Before you know it, we'll be cranking out Memorial Day playlists and gearing up for 9 p.m. sunsets. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we debunk some NASTY rumors about Donald Trump with MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna, and go from there. 

What else? I've got Tim Walz emerging as the face of the Democratic Party – which is GREAT news for us – an OJ Simpson auction that has my attention, Alec Baldwin's wife being so insufferable she makes us all … root … for Alec Baldwin, and I'm no expert, but this little nugget from the JFK file seems important. 

Just a thought. Maybe I'm wrong. Again, I'm just an internet blogger with a drinking problem. Take it all with a grain of salt. 

OK, grab you whatever you deem strong enough to deal with Alec Baldwin's miserable wife, and settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!

Could you imagine waking up to this every day?

Didn't think I'd be firing off pro-Alec Baldwin takes in today's class, but that's why they pay me a fairly middle-of-the-road salary! 

For those who were asleep at the wheel last night – or watching Alabama State heave full-court Hail Marys – Alec's insufferable wife, Hilaria, took his balls and threw them straight into a blender on live TV. 

I've never seen someone so demoralized in my life:

My God. What a scene. What a Beta. What a sad, sad thing to watch unfold. I know Alec is a loser and a never-Trumper, and he accidentally shot someone on set, but still … just a tough look. 

That's a defeated man right there. Ain't the first time he's been spanked by this broad. You can tell. This is a nightly thing for Alec. No wonder he's such a miserable person. 

It's tough to get all of society to rally around Alec Baldwin – he's pretty universally hated at this point – but this Hilaria chick did it. 

And by the way – how about her sudden mastery of the English language? The internet has long accused her of faking a spanish accent – she's from BOSTON – and the differences between that video and this one are … stark:

Caitlyn vs. Tim, who ya got?

Hilarious. I mean, it's just not even close. By the way, Hilaria went on her dumb new show with Alec on TLC earlier this week and defended her accent as "code-switching." 

For those who don't know, that's the buzz word the wokes used last year when Kamala debuted a different accent for every rally. I'll go ahead and play translator on this one: it's bullshit. It's all bullshit. There. Got it?

Good!

Next? Speaking of mistaken identity, let's check in with Caitlyn Jenner, who took aim at looney-tunes Tim Walz today. Tim recently said he could 'kick all of MAGA's ass.'

Yes, the same guy who couldn't load a shotgun last fall and dances like a five-year-old on stage says he can take on any redneck this side of the Mississippi!

Come getcha some then, Timmy!

OJ & Anna Paulina Luna!

My God. First off, there it is again! Right from the new Dem playbook. Working in a cuss word just to seem masculine. That's the new thing! I told you last week, and Timmy here does it AGAIN. 

Quick show of hands – who here is intimidated by Tim Walz? The same wacko who literally put tampons in boys' bathrooms in schools across his state? 

The same guy who … had some trouble … during a hunt last fall:

That guy. Amazing. I can't believe we're so lucky to get Tim Walz emerging as the alpha male of the Democratic Party. What a gift. Incredible. They're so cooked. 

OK, rapid-fire time because I'm on page 67,987 of the 70,000-page JFK file. Almost there! 

Speaking of, I don't know about you, but this little nugget seems important:

Yeah, I mean, look … again, I'm no expert here. I ain't a detective. I don't know my ass from my elbow in this situation. The closest I've come to the JFK assassination is the very underrated limited series, 11-22-63, starring James Franco. Great show. You're welcome. 

That being said, this Gary Underhill fella seems like he bit off just a bit more than he could chew, and got the axe. That's just me, though. Any JFK historians in class today? Feel free to weigh in!

Next? Let's go ahead and make the natural transition from JFK to … MAGA Bikini Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna!

Our best student has spent most of her week debunking vicious rumors from the Libs that Donald J. Trump once made a pass at her. 

Fake news, Libs! 

Disgusting stuff from a disgusting outlet. Those lunatics say Trump offered APL a bed as long as she kept their little get-together a secret. 

They casually left out the part where Anna Paulina was pregnant at the time and dealing with some pretty serious stuff, and Trump offered her a bed on his plane if she needed to lay down. 

When Trump says fake news … this is what he means. These people are vile creatures, and they deserve to be treated as such. 

Leave Anna Paulina Luna alone, you animals! This is #OurCongresswoman:

Piss off, Daily Beast. Scum of the earth. We stand with APL. Always have, always will. 

Next? Let's stop for a quick bite to eat with great Patriot, Scottie Scheffler!

It's perfect. It's honestly the most perfect Masters menu I've ever seen. Maybe the best menu I've ever seen, period. 

Firecracker shrimp? Fire. Texas-style chili? FIRE. Cowboy Ribeye or redfish? I mean, come ON. But the kicker here? Dessert. 

There ain't a more underrated dessert on this planet than a skillet chocolate chip cookie. How they're not on every single menu in America is beyond me. Throw some vanilla ice cream on top, and it's better than sex. Not even close, really. 

Nice work, Scottie. Again, he's very clearly a patriot. 

Finally … this OJ Simpson auction has my undivided attention at the moment:

MLB's Ariel Epstein takes us into Hump Night

Amazing. Sick, twisted, dark … but amazing. I can't stop scrolling. Here, go see for yourself. 

Click HERE for all things OJ Simpson, including shirts, ties, knives, gloves, Heisman trophies and 1990s TVs! Nothing weird at all about it!

OK, that's it for today. Good class. Good hump day. Make it a better hump night. 

Take us home, Ariel. Opening Day is a week away!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You bidding on a set of OJ clubs or gloves? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.